Reviewer: Story smith Signed [Report This]
Date: September 12 2013 10:13 PM Title: Chapter 21: Confrontation

Comments: With good details, and not laying all the info of the fight out in one swift chapter but expanding it into multiple chapters shows how much you have grown as a writer.

Qusitions: Also does Kiri have a weapon? Or is she more of the opportunist, one that makes due with what she has on hand.

Suggestions: consider moving the point of view to other contestants to show how they're doing. Either with getting one of the statues, or fighting for one with another contestant. It's a challenge to figure out exactly when and where to shift it but i feel it is necessary since, as you said, everyone has a stake in this.
It is also a good way to show off each character's skill and fighting styles. The need to fight each other anyway in order to win the tournament so don't be afraid to have a couple lose in the first round. They don't all have to fight Kiri and Ramsey after all. (though it's an understandable fact that Dixie and Dora would. Even in such an early round)

As always all suggestions are optional. Never write a single chapter of a story exactly the way a critic and/or a fan tell you to. At the end of the day IT'S YOUR STORY!!! And as long as you are happy with it nothing else matters.

Author's Response:

First to answer your question Kiri usually uses a staff or spear like when she first appeared. The reason she's going hand to hand is because she is trying to adapt the techniques she learned from Celina. 

Second I don't think I'm not writing this for myself. I just try to take criticism into account. You seem to have more experience as an author so it would be foolish of me not to at least consider it when you point out possible flaws it helps make the story better. As always thank you for the inciteful comments and support. 

Author's Response:

First to answer your question Kiri usually uses a staff or spear like when she first appeared. The reason she's going hand to hand is because she is trying to adapt the techniques she learned from Celina. 

Second I don't think I'm not writing this for myself. I just try to take criticism into account. You seem to have more experience as an author so it would be foolish of me not to at least consider it when you point out possible flaws it helps make the story better. As always thank you for the inciteful comments and support.