Reviewer: Story smith Signed [Report This]
Date: September 11 2013 11:17 PM Title: Chapter 20: Partners

This isn't a good place to stop my friend. The best place to stop and create a part two is possibly the finals or quarterfinals and only if there is some hidden surprise that ties into the story to make it longer, one that shifts the focus from the competition to something bigger and far more important.

By the way I feel as if you have weakened Dawn's charter development a lot,instead of being a cool headed independent sorceress she is now some helpless brat that just gawks as her mistress. Also elves are known for their inhuman speed she shouldn't have gottenen caught that easily....of course you seem to be the type to break sterotypes so whatever, if you don't want to go that route the consider what kinda build dawn possesses is thin and flexible, capable of quick reactions and movements of is she closer to the bulkier type of elf that more destructive power...the point I am trying to make is that she need to have some weapons besides spells to get herself out of situations like that, alone and without help.

Whith that out of the way please keep up the good work the action is rising right now!!!

Author's Response:

Thank you for the incite. I can also understand your complaint about Dawn. I couldn't think of any other way to show of Cassandra's personality considering she is a pretty new character but don't worry Dawn is no pushover. I chalk it up to my inexperience and will try to aviod such pitfalls in the future. I hope you continue to post advice, or your opinion, or even critism it's all good.