[Report This]Date: August 26 2014 6:10 PM Title: A Mother's choice
maia
[Report This]Date: February 22 2013 7:44 AM Title: A Mother's choice
great story concept. i liked the idea of the mother nor realizing what kind of horror shes giving to her children, and also her best friend telling her, that her children mostly will be fine, because they are now "parasites" who can easily survive at everything her body would nourish to them, which is absurd of course. also loved how the mother starts to believe shes doing the best for her children, not realizing what she really does. the toilette part was great, i wounder what happened to her daughter, is she still alive, was she send to the toillet. i hope this will stay semi-unaware, and the mother never will get to know what horrors she did to her children, her still letting the crazy imagination shes helping them. also i liked the idea of her daughter choosing the "back way" because she thought it would be the better option, and soon letting her realizie how wrong she was. hope to see an update on this very soon again. really good story.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review,and to answer your question im planning on keeping the children alive. When I pick this up,we'll head back to Jenni's chilren's struggles.
[Report This]Date: February 21 2013 12:26 AM Title: A Mother's choice
Not bad at all. I like the angle you're trying to play at, not entirely unaware on the mom's side, but only aware of a few facts. I am going to tell you what I tell every new author on this site.
Don't rush a chapter. Just let it flow when it's good and ready. Don't feel the need to post 5 chapters in 2 days. Just give each chapter some time. Also, don't jump around from subject to subject in a chapter. I'm not saying that you should spend a whole chapter talking about one thing, but explain a bit more and ease into the next paragraph, instead of just suddenly switching.
You are doing pretty good here, and I can only wonder where you are taking this.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the input,trying to piece together everything so it makes sense.
Date: February 20 2013 10:27 PM Title: A Mother's choice
Great chapter, cannot wait to see what happens next.
Date: February 20 2013 8:02 PM Title: A Mother's choice
Duly noted
[Report This]Date: February 20 2013 7:51 PM Title: A Mother's choice
Ohh, you sir, are bold, trying to use this size for a story. The only thing I have to say is to separate what dialogue you have from other text.While it's not super difficult to read, and pretty descriptive too, the separation helps a lot, making stories a lot neater.