Reviewer: It Was Me Signed [Report This]
Date: March 04 2024 5:57 AM Title: Chapter 10: Scrutiny

Well, at least the cat (or all the cats, in this case) is out of the bag now, right? Right?!

This chapter was a straight-up gut punch, and that's absolutely a good thing. Looking at some of the other reviews for the chapter, it looks like pretty much everyone feels really bad for Thomas, which is a testament to how well you're writing has us invested in these characters. And this body blow was set up so well, too, given how it came out of seemingly nowhere (this chapter starts with a very different type of tension, which made how things developed especially blindsiding).

As a reader, I've developed so much empathy for Thomas and Trish, that it's easy to forget that the former's actions are ultimately wrong and that a good portion of what's happening to him now has been earned. That's not to say I think Thomas is a bad guy (I mean, I've been making the opposite case in pretty much every other review for this story so far, after all), but, as Thomas himself acknowledged at the start of the chapter, what he's doing to Melanie is terrible, even if his intent isn't malicious. Not to mention that the ethics of his position are in place for a reason, and he himself was concerned that he had inadvertently groomed Trish to love him (which yet again, I don't think is the case). So I say all of that to say this: it's pretty remarkable to create a character that engages in things that, on a surface level, most people would find despicable, yet present him in a way that makes us not only root for him while he's doing said things but want to root for him even more now in this "all is lost" moment and feel his anguish as he endures the consequences of his actions.

Man, I'm still kind of in awe over how masterfully you've incorporated what I think is one of the deepest fears among those who share our fetish. An invasive government pulled out a harmless post from before he even met Trish and exposed his "unique" tastes to all the right people to ruin his life. I'm pretty sure this is why some people (most notably writers) leave our little community and try to delete every trace that they were ever a part of it. There's a paranoia about being exposed and, more importantly, judged by those around us, people we care about or maybe even just have to deal with day-to-day that we're so sure wouldn't understand what this fetish really is and why it is that we're sucked into it. The way all of those fears became reality for Thomas in the worst way (granted there's more to his downfall than that, but we'll get to that in a minute) so quickly plays into real concerns that your audience likely has fantastically.

I also think that's part of what makes this whole thing hit so hard. It would be one thing if Thomas and Trish were caught in the act or an upset Melanie, after learning the truth, pulled the first threat of this grand unraveling in righteous anger, but to have the intrusive power of the federal government capitalize on something so minor, something that actually isn't morally wrong when Thomas has made so many moral misjudgments helps the audience get behind Thomas even more. Despite everything he's done (even if I don't judge him too harshly for his actions up to this point), he's getting screwed over. Like that's what does him in?! Really?! Not to mention just how hard this innocuous thing the Feds have found out has destroyed him so profoundly. I would think even those who might have been thinking that Thomas had most of this coming would have a hard time not getting behind him after this. 

I'm also really intrigued by just what it is the government is after here. It may be a bit murky at this point, but it seems to me like they've got a plan in place. Agent Grisham immediately identified Thomas as "the one to talk to" about Trish, only for the government to dig as deep as a post on an internet message board made before he even knew Trish. They were clearly going to great lengths to sever the connection Thomas had with her, even if they didn't know exactly what said connection entailed. Then there's the 60 days of house arrest and trumped up criminal charge. It seems to me that they want Trish feeling all alone and in a less than clear mindset. Now what could the U.S. government possibly want with an ever expanding woman?

And while I feel terrible for Thomas, I feel just as bad for Trish, given the above-mentioned torment she's being put through here. And in addition to all that, she now believes that the one person who actually sees her for who she is rather than how big she is thinks of her the same way that everybody else does, only he's into it, which makes him even worse in her eyes. While everyone else is afraid of her, she thinks Thomas was using her like an object for his own perverse pleasure. So her anchor, the one who she could turn to when she needed somebody the most, is not only no longer there, but all of the support he had given her is now tainted. She can't even think back to the good times they had together anymore. She's truly alone in the world now.

With all of that in mind, I can't really blame Trish for being shitty with Thomas and refusing to hear him out. Not only that, but you also have to consider how she was told about Thomas's fetish. The feds, who I again think did this specifically to drive a wedge between the two of them, surely cherrypicked what they shared with her about it, maybe picked out a few select posts to really make Thomas look bad. Not only that, but Jeb and her lawyer aren't exactly his biggest fans anymore, either, so she's been hearing nothing but negative things about Thomas for two months straight, all while she was left starving, sleep-deprived, underclothed, and unable to stand up properly for at least part of her imprisonment. With all that taken into consideration, I think she handled that confrontation with Thomas about as well as could be expected.

Of course, all of that doesn't make her calling him a creep sting any less. That was brutal.

I do wonder what she'll think about the whole thing once she gets a good night's sleep and a proper meal (assuming the government doesn't having anything else immediately up their collective sleeve). Will she regret not hearing Thomas out, or will she double down on those feelings of betrayal and disgust? Will she regret getting physical with Thomas, or will her growing disconnect with the rest of humanity cause her to give in to that darker impulse she felt when she knocked him over or when she wanted to force him in to sex when she was drunk? Will she think back on those times with Thomas and refuse to believe that the love they shared was a lie, or will those outside influences continue to ruin her vision of him? And even if she does regret what happened, will she be too ashamed of herself or scared that he'll view her the same as everyone else now to try and do something about it?

I'm an optimist, and I think they'll work things out and be better for it. Aside from the obvious, out-of-story reasons to suspect as much, such as the knowledge that we're only about, what, a third of the way through the story and the title of the story itself, I do think that all the groundwork you laid out for this relationship in the first nine chapters built a strong enough foundation that Trish will eventually hear Thomas out and take him at his word (now whether this happens sooner or later, I don't know). Hell, I'd argue that something like this needed to happen at some point, as Trish needed to see Thomas as something other than the strong, confident, and damn near perfect man she had built him up to be in her head (all of the things that made her think that are a part of him, of course, but she needs to see him vulnerable and at his weakest as well to truly accept who he is) and Thomas probably needed something to show that Trish wasn't accidentally brainwashed into loving him (two months away and now seeming to hate him is enough to prove that any grooming that he thinks he incidentally did will have been undone). Now, if they end up back together after this moment, it will feel that much more real than it did before, and each can be more confident in the relationship.

Of course, I admit that things could easily go the other way. We could be in for 20-some chapters of Thomas agonizing over love lost and Trish slowly drifting further and further away from humanity, with another meeting between the two down the road being less than fun for our (probably former) resident psychologist. After all, the story's title could be an ironic one. Given the way the story has gone so far, I don't think we'll be going down a path that dark but not knowing for sure keeps things interesting and makes the prospect of a happier ending (or at least more potential happiness on our way to the ending) that much more rewarding if it comes to fruition.

Melanie is in a really interesting spot here. She could be about to fade away into the background (or "off stage" completely) or possibly be about to expand her role in the story once again. I'm really curious about the contents of all those voicemails. Is sweet understanding Melanie unleashing her vengeful anger on the man who betrayed her trust? Is she just looking for understanding about the situation? Is she, despite what Thomas has done to her, still concerned about him? Or is she looking to relieve a different set of emotions on him entirely? I really don't know, especially since we only got a brief glimpse into her reaction to his infidelity.

I could see Melanie piling on to Thomas's problems (not out of spite, necessarily, but maybe a need to unburden herself of those potentially hostile feelings), or I could see her being more understanding of his situation (despite her obvious hurt feelings). We've only had a small window into her personality so far, so a lot is left open to our speculation, but the impression I've had of her so far has been that she's generally an overly nice and understanding person. I couldn't blame her for bucking that trend in this situation, though.

Either way, I have a feeling that she's going to play a fairly significant part in at least the next chapter or two.

If I may offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism here, I think you put together a really good symbolic dream sequence pretty early in the chapter, but then you explained the symbolism of the dream immediately afterward. This isn't a mistake by any means, nor does it hurt the story (I think you flowed the explanation pretty smoothly into the narrative actually), yet I found myself wishing that you would have trusted that you had conveyed the meaning behind the dream clearly enough that such an explanation wasn't necessary. The dream was straight forward with its intent (especially with Trish's last line of dialogue there), but Thomas recognizing the symbolism of the dream as he decided to act on it and end things with Melanie felt (at least to me) that you were concerned that the reader wouldn't fully understand what it was about the dream that sparked this in Thomas.

This is, again, a very small knit to pick, but it's something that I've seen several writers, both within the sphere of this fetish and outside of it, feel the need to do. It might just be a personal preference thing (and if that's how this comes off, I apologize), but, as a reader, I strongly prefer to be left to interpret the meaning behind things on my own.

But yeah, fantastic chapter overall , and way to build anticipation for the release of the next one!

Author's Response:

Thanks as always for the thorough review! I have to say, I am loving the dramatic irony on my end. Knowing where the story goes from here and seeing you thinking about it is very gratifying as a writer.

On your constructive note: Yeah, I went over that line a few times. Ultimately I left it in not to explain the dream sequence, but to help explain Thomas's complicated feelings about Trish. He has subconsciously mapped his fantasies onto her and that interacts strangely with how he feels about her as a human being and a partner. While he fantasizes about Trish exercising her power over himself and others, that's not how he sees her as a person. I wanted to make that clear throughout the chapter, that he actually views her as sweet and harmless, to make her victimization at the hands of the government and her behavior towards him at the end hit harder. 

Reviewer: eliwoodx Signed [Report This]
Date: March 02 2024 12:43 PM Title: Chapter 10: Scrutiny

This was a difficult chapter. Hope things piece back together for Thomas and Trish.