[Report This]Date: September 25 2022 1:43 AM Title: Chapter 2
Again, a great story. You just have to work on the grammar aspect.
You seem to have a bit of confusion regarding he / his / him and she / hers / her; which makes following along who is doing or thinking what a bit hard to follow, though not too hard to figure out.
I understand English is not your first language, and give you great credit for writing in a language you did not grow up speaking. Kudos to you.
If you want a quick and easy way to learn pronouns, might I suggest you look up and read "Read With Dick and Jane, Fun with Dick and Jane". Very elementary reading; yet quite helpful in understanding pronouns. https://www.goodreads.com/series/123534-read-with-dick-and-jane
[Report This]Date: September 22 2022 12:54 AM Title: Chapter 1
Your story plot is very good. Seems like an enjoyable story is beginning to form.
You asked for attention to your story, hopefully my review will help you achieve such attention.
Your grammar and confused use of pronouns need clarification. I offer a few suggestions on how to improve upon these areas, should you choose to use them is entirely up to you.
My first suggestion, which I make to every new writer, is that you write out the chapter you wish to post, then wait a day and go back and proofread it before actually posting it. Does it say and convey what you intended it to? Often, waiting then proofreading a story by the author reveals to said author continuity, plot, and grammatical mistakes.
Second, reread your story using the subjects names in place of the pronouns of either "he" or "she". Forget about subjective or objective pronouns for this test, just make sure you are attributing "her" actions to her, and "his" actions to him. You have gone from "HER / him" doing something to "him / HER" respectively doing the same act in a single sentence. By using their actual names, then it either being "HER" or "him" becomes clear.
Third, USE SPELLCHECK! I for one do not believe in relying on technology; but Spellcheck has come a long way and has become quite good at its' job. It can clear up a lot of grammatical and spelling errors, making your story that much more enjoyable and easy to understand for the reader.
My suggestions are that, suggestions. When I first started writing here I hardly got any positive feedback, and I still receive very little after years of story submissions. A girl who writes on this site gave me some advice, which I thank her for: "Write for myself. My intended audience will follow, in due time." Have fun with your stories. Write what makes you happy, because you will never satisfy everyone, so satisfy yourself first and foremost.
Thank you for contributing.
By the way, can't wait for your next chapter.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much! This was kind of review I needed! And it was very helpful for me, I'll keep your suggestions in my mind. English is not my main language plus I have learning disabilites and these things make it so easy for me to make mistakes, but I'll try to be more careful about writing properly. And I'm gonna use spellcheck from now on.
I'm planning to write next chapter today, I'm excited about it, Thank you for your kind and helpful review, it means a lot.