[Report This]Date: June 12 2022 4:53 AM Title: Chapter 2
Ok, I have to say your story starts off very slow, and continues to do so. That said, I didn't realize as I am reading it just how drawn into your story I was becoming. I completely forgot your story is about "The Mightiest Mouse" until midway through chapter two when Lola and Ned brought up the show to Theo. Then all of a sudden fireworks went off.
Your slow build up is intoxicating. One forgets the story's premise until BAM, it is upon them.
The accompanying images are really terrific, especially in chapter 1, when Theo was staring confronted with Lola's massive breasts in his face.
It would be nice to see Jen actually compete with Amir, and Elaine finally accepting Theo as a partner; perhaps after watching Theo train Jen for the competition.
One has to wonder, after all the competition, if Theo wins, will he still want the "small woman / Big Man" treatments or the "Big Woman / small man" treatments instead?
Author's Response:
Thanks, I really enjoyed this review! That's how I was hoping it would come off, starting the story in more "everyday" settings (as much as that's possible in a NWO) then suddenly hitting the readers with this game show thing. I gotta warn you, though, the actual game show is still quite a long ways off. I was originally planning to get there after just a few quick scenes, but as I wrote the first draft there kept being more stuff I wanted to do with the characters beforehand. I'll probably trim some of it before posting, but it'll definitely be a slowww buildup to get to the actual game show. Hope it'll be worth the wait!
Glad you're liking the renders. Definitely time-consuming sometimes, but they've been a lot of fun to make.