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Reviewer: Edgedej4 Signed [Report This]
Date: September 24 2022 11:38 PM Title: Chapter 2: Departure

More interesting stuff overall here. I do think the added inclusion of what our protagonist is thinking and feeling allows the scenes to feel more sensual. If anything, I’d simply like more of that. Maybe consider italics or single quotations to show off what Jessica is thinking and feeling more often? I think it would only add to the sheer scale of what’s going on. Again, that’s just my own personal opinion.

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