[Report This]Date: September 28 2021 8:36 AM Title: Chapter 4
Chapter 4 is simply amazing!
It's so erotic and I just love how Claire teases Jeremy before they get down to business.
The first 3 chapters felt like it was one big tease, nothing really stood out to me. (Until this one). Claire seemed to be leading Jeremy down this path and it feels like we reached the point where things get really interesting. I mean, there's even a great cliffhanger.
Even some of the some subtle teases were great. The removal of her panties was perfect! She gave him a view from the front and then the back, showcasing her butt as she took her underwear off. Not only that, but then she dropped it on him! Amazing! I bet he could smell her scent from it, but it was probably overwhelmed from her actual pussy hovering over him. You described that scene so vividly that it was easy to picture it in my head.
I also like the dialogue and playful banter between the two characters. Too many sex scenes in various stories are written in third person these days, so it's nice to hear what they have to say while they are in the moment.
If there was one critique to mention, it would be to space out your paragraphs a bit so there aren't too many blocks of text. Otherwise, it was fun to read this chapter!
Lastly, I love the ending where Jeremy is sinking into Claire's vagina. If I were a tiny and this was my fate, I would be in heaven. While I'm sure this isn't the end, I can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response:
i think its just different people liking different things, which is totally fine. chapter 1 was definitely setup, but chapter 2 was all about boobs, chapter 3 was all about feet and a lil mouthplay, chapter 4 is down under and chapter 5 will be ass. like in chapter 3, she literally strokes his dick with her toes; if ur into feet idk how much more explicit or sexual u can get than literally fucking them lmao
glad u like the dialogue tho too, i agree with u. people arent just silent animals grunting away when they have sex irl lmao. tthere is talking and foreplay and complimenting and if you know what youre doing COMMUNICATING. so yeah glad someone appreciated that.
thank you for your critique on the paragraphs. in general i was taught in english classes growing up that you always start a new paragraph when a new person is speaking, but if they keep talking then keep it in the same paragraph unless it grows too long. i know i have long sentences, but really the paragraphs are only a few sentences long. and i want it to resemble more what books look like, when i read other stories i think like "this is a good story for sure but i dont remember gillian flynn pressing enter this many times" lol. but i'll take it into account, havent read a book in a few months so i'll compare and contrast again.
thanks for the feedback and thanks for reading!