Date: August 26 2021 3:25 AM Title: Chapter 7
This is my honest opinion, and it goes along with what I was trying to say {after too much bourbon} in my last reply. Your writing is incredible.
Grammatically you still need to define your paragraphs better. By that I mean do not end a paragraph by "Morgan said", then not writing what she said. Then the next paragraph begins with "Al, you should .....".
Paragraphs convey a subject. If Morgan says something, what she says should be conveyed in that paragraph {over simplification}. They should not be separate paragraphs, one part of the subject ending the first paragraph then followed up in the next.
That's my complaint.
What I can not get over is my praise, because you are a fantastic and creative writer.
When it comes to the physical decsriptions, such as Jim in the bug cage, you absolutely "nail it" as to what it must be like for Jim living in the bug cage. Little room to move, can not reach the lid, scrunched up on the floor; you wrote masterfully about Jim's predicament. You also did so with Jim's experience riding Roxy around the backyard. Your depictions are top notch.
Beyond that, you have successfully developed four individual personalities. Morgan, Allison, Sam, and Jim all come across as four people with different personas and expectations.
In my humble opinion, you are one of the best and creative writers I have read in quite some time, at least regarding shrunking fantasies. I think you are better at this than you give yourself credit for.
I am curious, and do not expect a responce concerning this; but perhaps you could be so kind as to review some of my stories and give your opinion of them when ever you have some spare time. I think it would be interesting to hear how you both judge them and would change them. Just a thought.
I have an idea what's in the third box; and can not wait to read about it.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the nice words & dialog/grammer tips. I do appreciate it--when I said this was my first story, I meant ever, not just on this site. I appreciate it.
I did read some of your stories and liked them. I think Tomgirl was my favorite. We clearly enjoy many of the same themes.
By the way, I was surprised to hear I'd somehow accidentlly cut short the dildo description...THere *are* scent vents' at the base of the cone & as well as a simple explanation of oxygen supply. There is also a case and an alternative cone Tom included that I think you may like.