Reviewer: Avid Reader Signed [Report This]
Date: June 02 2021 12:47 PM Title: Sonia

"Following the first two dynamax anomalies,[...]" Wait wasn't it stated in the first chapter that Gloria's supersized trip to Motostoke was far from the first Dynamax Anomaly? She knew immediately what was going on, without any confusion, making me believe that "DAs" were, though still new, common knowledge at this point.

"[...], hoping she could do something about it anyone got hurt." - This sentence seems incomplete, I cannot put my finger on it why exactly though.

"[...], slithering towards her like an ekans." - Nice one, I love if proverbs are changed to fit their respective fictional universe.

"The effect that was only heightened by everyone down there standing paralyzed as they stared in shock If they hadn't been prepared for this possibility, they'd have been running and screaming already." - You are missing a comma (or more likely a point due to the spelling) between "shock" and "If".

"That meant giant and normal-sized people would have to learn to live with each other." At least the Anomalies don't leave the newborn giants "stranded" at their newfound size. It could be even worse. | Edit: Looks that I spoke to soon, at least somewhat.

Sonia's thought process showed that she really is a scientist down to her very heart. She isn't afraid of new developments even if they seem scary and dangerous at first, she immediately sees past the threat and ponders possibilities.

But even if she manages to "tame" the Anomalies that way, wouldn't that cause a two-class society and create a literally gigantic rift between those that can grow and those that cannot? Granted, people woould still be hit by Anomalies and thus switch from one camp to another, but still. That seems way more dangerous than some unpredictable godly power running amok...

 

Reviewer: Avid Reader Signed [Report This]
Date: May 21 2021 11:18 AM Title: Nessa

"It had been two weeks since a dynamax anomaly caused Gloria to grow huge. She had enjoyed her time as a giant, but what came next almost made her regret it. For a week after the incident, everyone looked at her like a ticking time bomb. Shew wasn't allowed into any building for fear she might spontaneously grow and demolish it." - The People in Galar don't have grasped the concept of an "Anomaly" yet, have they?

"She searched the stands for Victor  and saw him cheering for her from one of the front-row seats." Very minor, but there is a _ too much between "Victor" and "and".

"As she pondered this, she sensed a resonance between herself and Nessa, and then she found herself growing to match her size, her sudden growth catching both of them off-guard." - Wait, so the people treating Gloria like a "ticking time bomb" were NOT wrong?

"The tiny things didn't seem to be the least bit fazed by their size, happily letting her scoop them up and nuzzle them against her cheek." - Given the Dynamax nests have been there since the "Eternal Night" minimum, the Pokémon had a way longer time to adjust to gigantic beings, gave the people a few generations and they won't erupt in panic whenever someone grows. (Btw will there be male growth or are the anamolies drawn to female bodies by some "mysterious force"? :P )

Interesting that you gave Gloria a "Rehabilitation Arc" at all and so quickly, too. (I didn't think she did something wrong at all and "rampaging in Motostoke is definitely an exaggeration, that's borderline "malicious defamation").

I'm surprised that you've continued Gloria's story at all, really. I expected the story to be comprised out of loosely connected vigniettes about specific characters. There is nothing wrong with your choice, it's just unexpected.

Author's Response:

"Loosely connected vignettes" was the original plan but I thought this chapter in particular would make for a good continuation of Gloria's storyline. She'll probably appear again in some later chapters, but there will also be some without her. I'll figure it out as I go.

As for male growth, it's a well-known fact that Y chromosomes tend to be repellents of growth energies. So probably not. Though there's one or two male characters I might consider as exceptions.