[Report This]Date: May 03 2022 1:00 PM Title: Darkness
Alright so, from the first chapter I can say that description has been massively overhauled. Sometimes in other stories you feel like it’s the same old same stuff, here there is similes and analogies and stuff to make the writing itself interesting. Perhaps it’s a benefit of this type of story where the writing itself is tested more-so than plot or characters. But regardless, it’s safe for me to say you nailed this aspect.
Your narrative voice is really well done, it feels natural to read through. Again, something smashed out of the park.
You’ve asked for goods and bad though. So for improvements, I think you need to be careful about “word vomit”. A case where there’s too much description and it’s not adding anything as it’s not relevant. Now, you haven’t actually fallen into this trap this chapter, but there are moments where the reader may feel tempted to zone out as some sections may need greater emphasis as sections feel like word vomit, it’s just something worth noting for the future. However, to this extent, is only such a minor issue. You’ve honestly done an amazing job. I do hope to see more on characters soon though.
Date: May 03 2022 12:40 PM Title: Chapter 1
Interesting setup. Of course the meat of these stories come from the relationship itself, so am looking forward to seeing more.
Date: March 31 2022 11:56 AM Title: Darkness
Remarkable. This is exactly what I come to this platform for. Nice work! Can’t wait for the next chapters!
Date: March 31 2022 11:50 AM Title: Darkness
Remarkable. This is exactly what I come to this platform for. Nice work! Can’t wait for the next chapters!
Date: March 12 2022 2:38 PM Title: Darkness
More detail is always what I say. Would love more pov from Tim. So far awesome start and can't wait to see how this grows. I hope they develop a relationship.
Author's Response:
You’re so right! I’ll be honest, originally I wanted to go into so much detail but at the same time wanted the chapter to contain all the scenes I described, which would have made it around 20k words long and from my understanding that would have put off a lot of readers (maybe I’m wrong!)
I also love descriptive stories and will try and incorporate a lot more on the next chapter.
Regarding the pov from Tim, I was a bit deliberate on that front. I wanted reader to focus more on the feelings of the giantess than the tiny as the opposite is already very standard in most stories. BUT, I see now that there are ways to incorporate the tinies perspective without taking away from the giantess’ feelings and emotions. I’ll work hard to improve on that front.
Thanks for the review, it keeps me motivated and it’s just nice to know people are enjoying my not so polished story.
Date: March 12 2022 2:38 PM Title: Darkness
More detail is always what I say. Would love more pov from Tim. So far awesome start and can't wait to see how this grows. I hope they develop a relationship.
[Report This]Date: March 12 2022 9:37 AM Title: Darkness
i7;lass
Author's Response:
Sorry Oplalka, this is what your review is saying on my end “ i7;lass” so I can’t really understand.
[Report This]Date: March 12 2022 4:07 AM Title: Darkness
You have a terrific story, but your story procession is kind of out of whack.
It kind of reads he went from between her thighs, almost from her knees, to up between her breasts as if one on the same motion. There was no transition, it simply happened. Somewhat confusing for the reader to imagine a movement from her inner thighs to her chest. That's a big difference of the female body.
Other than the biological contentions, this is such a great story. I can't wait to read more.
Please continue the great work.
Author's Response:
Hey D W. Thank you so much for taking the time to drop me a review.
You’re probably right, I do struggle sometimes to put what I imagine into writing and make it actually come to life for my readers. At least that’s my main goal but still manage to fall short sometimes haha.
I’m glad that despite the imperfections you’ve mentioned you still enjoyed the story so far. I’ve already started working on the next chapter, which I hope, will be a big improvement on the last one.
Please stay tuned and thank you again for the kind and encouraging words!
[Report This]Date: February 24 2022 10:25 AM Title: Chapter 1
I'm still waiting for the second chapter of that story... the first chapter is so good! It sets the mood for the next chapters, and you did a so good job describing the characters not by direct words, but by their behaviors... and considering it is based on a real GTSWorld writer, it only makes me wonder how many situations this story have hidden in the coming chapters...
Author's Response:
Oh Milla, now you’re just putting pressure on me to finish the next chapter >.< Was that the plan all along?! But don’t worry, I’ve almost completed it and I’m just proof reading atm. It will soon be uploaded. Really hoping it will meet your expectations (I’m not a great writer).
I had no idea my narration was able to put that across! It was not intentional but I’m glad it turned out that way haha. This is the kind of feedback I need!
Well, I have a very simple male mind so please don’t expect much other than “urgh pretty me like” lol
Thank you again for showing an interest and I hope you enjoy the next chapter as much as you did this first one. It has a lot more “action” so if you don’t then I have failed big time!
Date: November 07 2020 7:02 PM Title: Chapter 1
Yeah , it's good don't let the protagonist die or be injured by her
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review, gentle. This is a vore story and we both know how those tend to turn out when Larissa is involved so I wouldn't keep my hopes up lol