Date: May 06 2020 8:07 PM Title: Chapter Zero and One: 12 Years
You mention it in your comments, so kindly allow me to comment on the subject of paragraphs.
The way to use paragraphs is to seperate, for the most part, the different spoken lines of each character or a seperation of ideas. In laymans terms, that is:
Correct:
I yelled "Everyone run."
Jones said "Go the other way."
As opposed to:
Incorrect:
I yelled "Everyone run." Jones said "Go the other way."
As to the seperation of ideas:
Correct:
I walk through the woods reminicing about my childhood. My time spent at playgrounds with my friends coming back to my mind.
All of a sudden a loud noice startles me.
Incorrect:
I walk through the woods reminicing about my childhood. My time spent at playgrounds with my friends coming back to my mind. All of a sudden a loud noice startles me.
Notice the two different subjects, reminicing about childhood versus a loud noice startles me.
That's all you need to know about paragraphs.
Back to your story, it's very promising. I very much like it so far.
I too have a military style story, "Battle Butt Babes" I have yet to finish and post. It's about a group of superior and technologically advanced, normal sized women who keep their POWs in a very unique place.
Please keep up the story.
Author's Response:
Thanks D W!
Well thanks for that, I'll keep that in mind when I start on my next chapter! I see what you mean with the subject seperation and all that.
The story idea has always been thrown around and this is probably the third time i've started a story like this, and so far I really like where i've taken the story.
I'll make sure to check out your story when I have time, sounds very good!
Thanks for taking the time to read :)
- kilo