Date: October 10 2019 12:39 PM Title: Set up
Ok, that's a really interesting story! I warn:
- this review will be too long
- I'm a grumpy person who always finds something to complain on something or sugest how to improve something, with specific tastes. My purspose is definetly not criticizing, discouraging or putting the author down. Don't worry too much about things in here.
- I don't mind monster girls, but I'm rather into other types of them. Still, it doesn't stop me from appreacieating this story :)
- I'm rather not in the target audience as I'm not especially into "direct sexual interactions" but if your story will offer something besides them in incoming chapters I will definetly stick ;)
Alright, what I liked:
- underwater setting: it's a rare location for story, oferring many unique and interesting situations and indications
- the Mako personality is really entertaining and cute, despite havoc created by her actions
- putting emphasis on ground/ocean tremor when Mako has pushed off ground or by her speaking was good. Putting even more emphasis will even make it better
- the mundane situation of ship disaster and well described in believable way rescue action create great contrast with leviathan Mako
- the idea that Mako is unaware of her monstrual ascension and mistakes humans and their devices with small fishes is delicious - pun intended
- I love the switching between human and Mako perspective
- tiny human reactions to Mako were good and believable
My suggestions:
- my mantra: bigger impact of giantess on enivironemnt: tremors, earthquakes, sounds ... you did those good but they can be used even more, also you could try playing with things like shadows (the divers unaware of her presence who are all of sudden covered in titanic shadow sound like a good scene idea). Also movement of water created by movement of Mako can be a disastrous force itself, bring all sorts of different doom on humans, both undearwater and bove it. Idea of pilots of some underwate or above water vehicle desperatly struggling to survive abrupt storm caused by Mako is an interesting concept.
- I think that keeping idea of Mako being unaware of her new size, at least for some time, is a good idea. Also, to some extent idea of humans not knowing with what they are dealing with can be interesting
- some unaware destruction of oil rig, cruiser ships, submarine etc is a good idea imho. It can be fully unaware or result of Mako playing with human vessels, without realising that they are inside
- to expand above: I would love scene where Mako swallows, even by accident, some underwater vehicle or object (like waterproof container) with people inside and people doesn't realise at the beginning what have happend - they slowly realise that something went horribly wrong and then leave their vehicle and event after that not realise horror of their situation instantly
- Ok, I think that Mako size is really good, but if she becomes bigger later ... she could deliver some disastrous destruction by her mere presence or movement, like giant waves destroyning some port for example
- I don't know if Mako can breathe above water, but if she can, then she can interact with some parts of costal cities ... or places like Statue of Liberty
Good story, I'm looking for more :)
Author's Response:
Thankyou for your imput! ^^
i do hope to stretch the sexual content abit with content inbetween, but i will admit that around 4th or so chapter will start being strong sexual content. while i did want to expand more on setup, i decided that a quick and well established one with the ability for others to imagine their own designs would be best for now. i was abit "loose" on describing Mako however i mainly attribute it to being hard to see underwater, i hope to bring out more descriptions for her once she starts attacking above the water.
i expect about 10 chapters at most, utilizing things like cruise ships and coastal cities for sure!
next chapter will actually be very vore focused, so look forward to it when its done!
in regards to breathing, yes! she will be able to breath above the water but still require to be in ocean to live.
once again~ thank you for the imput, it helps me know if i need to adjust or add anything, and is helpful in my path to better adult literature! ^^
p.s im still deciding but she should be around a mile long by stories end.