[Report This]Date: November 12 2018 4:59 PM Title: Chapter 3 - Tinynapped
You learn a lot about these two as they chat with each other, their relationship and bits and pieces of their past. Blended very well between everything else. Nicely done.
Other than a few spelling errors my only critique would be to take your time. I'm a culprit of sometimes rushing through text, so I understand that it can be out of our mind sometimes. Take your time, add a bit more detail to the actions and memories. I felt this chapter had enough subjects to add at least another 1,000 words and I think it would've helped flesh it out more as a result.
Great character interactions and solid job on giving us more of an idea on the history of these two. Absolutely solid work.
[Report This]Date: October 29 2018 6:09 AM Title: Chapter 3 - Tinynapped
I love this story. thanks for sharing. looking forward to seeing where you take it.
[Report This]Date: October 25 2018 7:38 PM Title: Chapter 2 - The Truth
This is a pretty good story so far!
You're doing well with the 1st person perspective as well.
For characters for next chapter, Olivia would be an interesting choice to me. And since she's also got the whole shrinking kink, it could become a unique dynamic. I'm sure it'll be interesting regardless of who you choose.
One thing though is that you could get a bit more into detail with what happens in the chapter. Since she's in Nina's sock practically all day, that's a lot of room to work with for stuff to do. Depending on how you wanna do things, any minor act, like going to get some water, could spawn a lot of action to write about.
But I also get not wanting to always go into detail with things, so you do you.
Keep up the good work!
[Report This]Date: October 24 2018 6:39 AM Title: Characters
Gonna say this first, because I don't want my criticism to sound negative: I really like this story. (or set of stories, more accurately) You certainly have skills in terms of writing, and it's very easy to imagine what you describe. It's a great change of pace from others I have read that use weak or unbelievable (in a bad way) imagery. PLEASE keep up the good work!
My criticism falls with just a couple of things:
- Having the character descriptor page (in my opinion) takes away from the opportunity to meet the characters through your storytelling. This is a bit nitpicky, as most folks read these stories for something... other than... storytelling (lmao) but I was really happy to see you making up for this by being descriptive regardless. Others seem to like it (for example, blackairow's review) so maybe I am just too picky.
- When it comes to the "science" I don't have a lot of complaints. It makes for a much more believable story in terms of fiction for the character to be denser rather than just magically resilient (magic is how I've handled such things, so good on you for taking this route) but the one thing that bothers me is that the characters weight is said to stay the same. Don't get me wrong, if they're denser than it makes logical sense, but that also means that being so easily picked up and moved is pretty unlikely. A good fix for this would honestly be to just ignore it. Like taking out the line mentioning weight and let suspension of disbelief take its place.
Again, I honestly love the story, I just wanted to use my review as a place for some constructive criticism as well. 10/10 Great work! :)
Author's Response:
Thank you, and the only reason I introduce the characters is to pre establish relationships without wasting time trying to establish connections as I go. Thanks for the support xx
[Report This]Date: October 24 2018 2:49 AM Title: Chapter 2 - The Truth
Not a bad read thus far, personally I hope it is either Carol or Kendra that kidnapped her :)
Date: October 20 2018 10:41 PM Title: Characters
Seems fun, I hope to see all chapters , really wanna go to the nano part hehe
[Report This]Date: October 20 2018 11:53 AM Title: Chapter 1 - Trust
Been waiting for this story to get going and it did not disapoint. I like having the first chapter as a refferance page as well. Looking forward to the next chapter.
[Report This]Date: October 20 2018 2:10 AM Title: Characters
I liked it. Hope to see more! Just a suggestion as the other user wrote try to proofread and spellcheck. A couple typos, but I knew what you were saying.
Date: October 19 2018 10:10 PM Title: Chapter 1 - Trust
Very enjoyable first chapter. The science was believable enough so you're solid on that. A bit of spelling errors and grammar so I'd recommend proof reading it one more time to clean that up.
Boy Sierra appears to have had a lucky little moment with her sexy friend! Though she was returned to normal I have the eery feeling that she'll be finding herself shrunk again in no time!
The only big critique I'd give is to slow down a little and pad some detail in the paragraphs, especially the fetish parts they seemed very rushed through.
Solid work can't wait for the next chapter!
Date: October 17 2018 10:45 PM Title: Characters
This seems like a really great concept and I really hope you don’t give up on it. I like how the characters have some history already put in place and it’s not just another story of a random person being tiny around complete strangers. I hope to see how this story develops and if it’s as good as I hope it can be!