[Report This]Date: November 23 2017 9:22 PM Title: the dark revenge
This is a great start and a good base for growth. There’s a lot of places you can go from here. I’d like to be included if you could make a character named Zach that is centered around feet
Author's Response: Most defently. And thank you for the review.
Date: November 22 2017 4:07 PM Title: the dark revenge
A little present for you:
Giantess jessica, I don't know if you ever saw the 1958 cult classic, "The Attack of The 50 Foot Woman," but here is the trailer. Plug it into YouTube and enjoy:
Attack Of The 50 Ft Woman 1958 trailler
also
Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1959) - Grabbing HarryI
Author's Response: and a present the ending giving a new kind of suspence. Thx.
Date: November 22 2017 2:44 PM Title: the dark revenge
That is getting better, jessica, keep at it.
I'll be looking forward to the next chapter, and hope it is longer.
But you're doing fine. I'm glad to be an encouragement to you.
Author's Response: i am going to blow everyone's mind but the story's missing something. The summery needs to hook poeple in have an idea.
Date: November 22 2017 1:59 PM Title: the dark revenge
Wow! You only changed a few things and the story's already much better! We now know the guy has a convertible a house and a new wife! From these seeds you can flesh out so much. It makes me wonder who this guy is. He's clearly rich what with a convertible and a house. (Maybe it's the house they used to share together?) A new wife?! How did he get that when he's an abusive rapist? So he's a sleazy liar or maybe he's so rich he can get whatever he want with money?
Also the tank scene. Good start but more description. That's just a good rule in general. I'm still not sure what the two main characters even look like. Or this wife is she hotter? Younger? You get the idea. Anyway back on topic. How does getting hit with a tank shell feel to her? Is she so massive in powerful it hurts less than a pin prick or did the power of the military catch her off guard? These are the things that make us care and form a connection with the characters. I personally feel that the military means nothing to her. These heavy tanks are just toys to her new might.
So overall good job. Marked improvement. Gold star or whatever. Keep going if you want to. It can only get better the more time you put in.
Author's Response: the tank scene was part of the upcomming chapter 2 the war begains. Comming out on friday! Gets into depth with the new wife. And even miltary jets.
Date: November 22 2017 1:27 PM Title: the dark revenge
Your welcome,, jessica.
Author's Response: had to take out the end vore and open the suspence for the second chapter. Add detail about the character who is me. Its easy with a phone and i cant afford a loptop.
[Report This]Date: November 22 2017 12:12 PM Title: the dark revenge
This was not easy. I will keep adding more. TheShadow i give credit to you. You inspired me and supported when nobody else did. Thank you.
Date: November 22 2017 11:23 AM Title: the dark revenge
I'd say this makes a good outline for what could be an amazing and emotional revenge story. The backstory itself inherently sympathizes you with the girl. I'd say what you need first is proper characterization. Show us the woman's emotions and beliefs. Who she was before meeting this abusive jackass and how his assault on her devastated her life.
Same goes for the man. It's already easy to hate him but he should showcase the absolute worst humanity has to offer. It should more than justify the woman taking such drastic steps to get her revenge and maybe even justify the death of any innocents involved. If this is a destruction story? It feels like it is.
That's my suggestion. Figure out the two main characters first and then let their actions carry the story. If that's what you want to do. The best thing about writing is you can do whatever you want. Even if it's just getting out ideas. Good luck. I hope this helped.
Author's Response: Thank you NotSerk this will be done i changed the ending to a more suspence one. Will add a backround to the characters.