Date: July 29 2020 3:32 PM Title: Chapter 21: Clash
(OKAY SORRY BUT I TEND TO JUST POST AS QUESTIONS COME)
Why didn't the slave eat any of the soliders? She's malnourished, which I assume is a combination of her "masters" not being able to supply enough to keep her healthy/not wanting her to be healthy enough to physically kill them all. But like, enemy forces... It'd be like surviving on hardtack for years and then being presented with a porterhouse steak.
Author's Response:
While she was somewhat pain-immune, it wasn't a done deal. The hail of arrows and javelins would be too distruptive to start trying to eat, and when someone's malnourished, they probably don't care if their prey is mangled and dead or not, so the modus operandi was kill first, then enjoy the spoils of war second.
Author's Response:
While she was somewhat pain-immune, it wasn't a done deal. The hail of arrows and javelins would be too distruptive to start trying to eat, and when someone's malnourished, they probably don't care if their prey is mangled and dead or not, so the modus operandi was kill first, then enjoy the spoils of war second.
[Report This]Date: July 29 2020 12:06 AM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
another thing, I have no idea why but for some reason this chapter made me... come close to hating the tomkins just a little more, and actually pissed me off? Or Volkhard, or someone. Maybe it was the sorry abused state of that poor sap who apparently wasn't even allowed to kill themselves. Cool. Explain that? I mean I'd think that if the general goal of the tomkins is genocide, a member of the race being genocided killing themselves would be considered a suitable outcome.
And Volkhard. Does he know age magic? How long has he been living with tomkins? Since humans roughly live 4 times that of a tomkin naturally, does he just "pull a vampire" and uproot himself every couple years so the tomkins around him don't notice he's not aging?
Lastly... I think you did this to make Hassan, Aaliyah, and even Sihil realize that humans aren't monsters, despite what Teagan may have led them to believe. How could they be evil if such an esteemed pillar of the tomkin community is one of them? I unfortunately suspect a torrential downpour of doubt and guilt is coming their way, better bring umbrellas.
...what if Firkon gets hold of this information? OH SHIT HE'S GONNA FLIP. He's either going to threaten to murder Volkhard where he stands for being something along the lines of "a filthy monstrous barbarian traitor spy" or he'll go straight into denial and decide Volkhard is suffering some intense delusional mental illness.
[Report This]Date: July 28 2020 6:07 PM Title: Chapter 21: Clash
well that was a plot twist no one saw coming. Volkhard still pisses me off though, you know, until you prove me wrong. It's all fine and dandy that he has empathy for the tomkins, as anyone would after assimilating themselves into most foreign cultures, but still, does he not have any empathy for the humans that are forced to live life alone, watching their loved ones die (or worse, be dragged off to be enslaved), turned into dehumanized, starving war machines? I get that slaughtering innocent villagers isn't the way to solve things and he's got a point, but still, he seems like a damn traitor.
Unless you're gonna throw a fucking curveball and tell us part of the reason he assimilated with the tomkins was not only to avoid slaughter as a human but try to negotiate peace for everyone.
Author's Response:
Volkhard is by no means a perfect individual, and while he certainly believes himself to be right in all matters, he's a bit out of touch with reality. More on that later, of course. From his perspective, he's hunting down other murderers and delivering justice.
[Report This]Date: July 28 2020 6:32 AM Title: Chapter 14: Lust
came for the sexy scenes, stayed for the story. the description is kinda misleading though as the mention of slaves and 'worse' had me thinking it wasn't gonna be an adventure story. the story is also great to follow along, and is more complicate than most others ive read. i'll definitely come back for future chapters. make sure to join thenew discord server as well
Author's Response:
i need to get back to my roots. i really ought to edit the description, thanks for pointing that out... i'll figure out something better to put there.
joined the discord, thanks for letting me know! who knows how long it would have taken me otherwise...
Date: July 18 2020 6:40 AM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
This might be one of the, if not the, best stories on this site story-wise. The character development with Teagan and Sihil is quite intriguing, and the exceptional writing aptitude further fleshes the dynamic out. It's the very definition of a page turner, or in this case a next chapter button spammer.
I find it kind of hard to imagine that the tomkins managed to subjugate most of humanity though. Even though the tomkins have an overwhelming numerical advantage, I feel like hurling themselves at a well-prepared force would still result in the utmost slaughter. I guess they could pull an Agincourt and use massed stakes and archers, but I'd assume most human armor thicker than a planck length would render arrows effectively useless, considering how well an arrow to the eye worked. Heavy siege weapons wouldn't be too effective against armor, and even when deployed en masse would still be a logistical nightmare. Speaking of logistics, do the tomkins employ any smaller beasts of burden or cavalry of any sort? I doubt running around with an army of retainers is very fun. It'd be cool to know more about the backstory of the story, or better yet have its details slowly revealed throughout the story.
The only possible method of victory my deficient mind can comprehend would be for the Tomkins to slowly go about destroying food sources of various villages or spreading disease or poison, though only time will tell.
Keep up the glorious work, and with each new chapter I shed a tear of joy and anticipation!
Author's Response:
If I'm being entirely honest, when I first started writing this story in 2017, I thought it out about as much as my diminutive attention span would let me. Now that I've come back to the story and realized that the tomkins have woefully inadequate means to surmount a single soldier in a maille hauberk, I decided to throw in magic - that's a decent workaround, right? In any case, as much as I hate to say it, I guess a little suspension of disbelief is necessary when considering the story's background.
And cavalry, ooh, cavalry... I first thought about the tomkins bringing in their tiny livestock with them as they arrived, but in a world where the grass comes up to a man's head, grazing would be a significant issue. It's a shame, too, since I would have loved to throw a few horse archers at Teagan and pincushion her while she scrambles to catch them. Ah, well... I guess when you have waaaay too many people, retainers, wheelbarrows, and palanquins aplenty will have to do. Don't think too hard about how the tomkins managed to reasonably conquer what they did given such severely limited mobility, lest you poke more holes in my already shoddy story. I don't want it to fall down!
As always, thanks for the review!
[Report This]Date: July 11 2020 9:45 PM Title: Chapter 20: Roving
I can see how Sihil would want to take personal responsibility for Teagan. She did, after all, save her life after which she went on and killed countless more Tomkins.
Teagan has had her epiphany, and perhaps is starting to show willingness to change. Now it is time for Sihil's epihpany; the realization of what her race did to Teagan's and that Teagan has had a traumatic and painful existence because of it. Most Tomkins I imagine are oblivious to this fact, due to their shorter lifespans. Where some humans remember what it was like before, to the Tomkins there is a several generation gap. Long enough for the evil invaders to become the heroes, and the desperate defenders to become the villainous monsters.
Author's Response:
This is more or less what I was aiming for - Sihil knew nothing about the giants prior to her fateful encounter with Teagan save what she was told by others. Only now will she be able to see if what she thought she knew was true in whole, or perhaps only in part.
[Report This]Date: July 11 2020 8:23 AM Title: Chapter 20: Roving
I await every update with bated breath. DON'T YOU DIE ON ME.
...... Even though I constantly know some bad shit is gonna happen. But yeah based on Sihil's response this is totally Lima Syndrome. Can you even have a captive have Stockholm Syndrome and a captor have Lima Syndrome and really call it friendship?
I'm also really hoping that Sihil's whole "you're different than the others" shtick doesn't turn out to be "YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE ALL ALONG" Like I have no idea how this is gonna go, if Whitebreeze Keep is past some intense tomkin territory, it's fair to say it probably doesn't exist. Or maybe you're gonna pull a George RR Martin and Teagan's gonna die at the end. Or maybe she'll hone her sorceress power to force peace between humans and tomkins, I don't even know at this point.
..... I was also curious what kind of armor the tomkins use? European? Roman?
Author's Response:
Yeah, it definitely isn't friendship at all. Teagan is starved for human connection and extremely lonely, and in a strange way, Sihil has been a constant companion of hers. Sihil, of course, reciprocates essentially none of the fondness Teagan has for her. With Sihil being different, the difference is more or less spawned from this fact - she's the only one who has this connection with Teagan - in all other ways, she's just a level-headed and intelligent but otherwise normal person.
I haven't really talked a lot about the tomkin armor (considering it doesn't make too much of a difference in the end for them ;p) but it varies from culture to culture. Firkon and his men use armor fashioned from small metal bands connected with internal lashings, so more or less a ripoff of Roman armor. So far, the other groups have either used light armor fashioned from plant material or no armor at all.
[Report This]Date: July 11 2020 3:57 AM Title: Chapter 20: Roving
Great story so far! I Usually don't have the time for bigger stories but I just gave your story a try this morning and... I can't wait for the next chapter! Very, very nicely done!
Author's Response:
Thank you so much, I really appreciate the kind words! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
[Report This]Date: June 22 2020 1:52 PM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
Very interesting pseudo-medieval setting! Usually it's the larger people that dominate, but here it's reversed. The writing is probably something I'd pay for, being a fine combination of vivid descriptions and exposition without having too much of either.
Though I haven't read far (not for long), it would be great to have the Tomkins employ some pseudo-medieval technology, like catapults, ballistas, etc. Something I would really love to see would be usage of something like Hussite war wagons, or maybe an ass-ault on a fort. Either way, great story and keep up the glorious work!
Author's Response:
Firstly, thank you kindly! I appreciate your feedback greatly, and I'm happy that you're enjoying the setting.
While I certainly do intend for the tomkins to make create use of catapults, ballistae, and other siege engines modified for giant-slaying, war wagons would be more akin to human technology than tomkin in this setting - the culture and weaponry of the tomkins are based heavily on Asia Minor, namely on the Eastern Roman Empire and Macedonia. That being said, that is a good idea, and I can see implementing it to good effect. Rest assured that you'll see more of my nerdy historical stuff later on :-)
Date: June 16 2020 9:41 AM Title: Chapter 8: Control
you know, after going back and reading these old chapters, I can't even tell if teagan regarding sihil as a friend is genuine friendship or lima syndrome.
Author's Response:
after going back and reading these old chapters, I just realized that I changed Teagan's eye color from green to brown. story is ruined
Date: June 15 2020 1:03 PM Title: Chapter 19: Guilt
upon mulling it over, I'm not sure I can even judge the tomkins' attempted genocide on human levels, because it seems less like "you're subhuman and deserve to be eradicated" and more like comparitively, humans trying to drive out bears or maybe tigers. Bears and tigers that have actively shown enjoyment in consuming people (which does happen)
[Report This]Date: June 15 2020 6:56 AM Title: Chapter 19: Guilt
Honestly the kind of shit most people have going on in there brains isn't worth going blind for, I imagine. Or would you just temporarily go blind every time you tapped into the power?
Damn that was fucking cold, the guy turned into a barbarian trying to save his daughter and not only in the end was it all for naught, she died arguably more excruciatingly than just beinng bled out. I do have to wonder, what's the logic in thinking eating live tomkins is gonna fuck up your intestines but eating them raw anyway? I'm guilty of it too, but like imagine the bacteria and the parasites, man.
Oh boy, Teagan's slowly coming to that painful revelation that despite humanity as a whole being all but genocided, most of the time there are true innocents who get caught up in shit on either side. I hope Hassan and Aaliyah actually live to the end and don't DIE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, GEORGE RR MARTIN. And don't try to get away with it on a technicality like "they died two chapters in, not one like you said".
And then I get why people (or in this case, humanoids in general) will like, emigrate to new lands, but in the case of the tomkins... why? They've got medieval tech at best but are somehow able to cope with a landscape that has such large animals (LIKE LIONS AND BEARS) You expect me to believe a bunch of 3 inch twerps with little swords are going to be able to throw down with something that can effortlessly tear open a human if so inclined?
oh yeah and then I noticed some younger-ish tomkins talk about the "Old Lands" like they know them, but certainly they couldn't have ever been there?
One last thing. I am having whiplash from my hatred of both tomkins and humans and the attempts to justify who's right and who's wrong and YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA
Author's Response:
ok so i was thinking permanent blindness but temporary blindness when you use it is probably a bit more fair tbh, id probably go with the telepathy in that case
Hannah would probably think that eating a live tomkin is liable to kill you due to their vicious struggling and tearing at your important inside bits moreso than bacteria, which given the technology of the time, people only have a vague awareness of. Aaliyah and Hassan, as nice as they are, don't have a lot going for them, Aaliyah especially so given her paralysis from the waist down... I can't make any promises as to their plight, I'm afraid. Lions and bears are something I've thought of myself, and that may or may not be part of the reason I threw magic into the story halfway in. Even so, enough crossbows (sized like siege engines to the tomkins) and anything'll go down, especially when it can barely even see you. I can also confirm that none of the tomkins we've seen so far have ever been to the Old Lands, but stories and legends have a way of persisting like they're alive themselves, especially when stories are all you have to distract yourself from the fact that you live in a nightmare world where everything is huge and wants you dead.
I honestly can't decide myself if the tomkins or the humans are right here... I guess I'm sorta shooting for that 'both sides are bad guys' kinda feel, given that both sides seek the wholesale slaughter of the other, even those who are just innocents caught in the crossfire.
Date: June 13 2020 10:46 AM Title: Chapter 18: Surmount
I want to take Firkon home and keep him as a pet. Why? It'd be like having a mouse that hates your guts but is completely impotent about it and it'd be hilarious to humiliate him.
Author's Response:
He'd probably fume and throw little tantrums incessantly... make sure to soundproof his cage ;)
[Report This]Date: June 11 2020 8:45 PM Title: Chapter 18: Surmount
Very fun adventure story. I like the level of character development. Having Sihil in the story really heightens the tension by providing two perspectives from two characters that have a rounded arc.
I also appreciate your use of Latin as the second language. This is one of the rare times that being forced to take Latin in high school has done anything for me.
Author's Response:
I'm glad I was able to help you get a use out of it in the most unlikely of places! As always, thanks for the review!
[Report This]Date: June 08 2020 11:21 PM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
Keep up the great story! I did not expect such a great story here, but I will follow this story through to the end.
Author's Response:
thank you very much ^^
i honestly like to just write this so it makes me happy that other people dig it too
[Report This]Date: June 08 2020 5:35 PM Title: Chapter 18: Surmount
Enemies of kings
Barbarians tremble
Pay your debts
Under one ruler
?
Anyway, at first I started to fucking loathe the tomkins
but then
I thought about it
and I kinda realized this is really no different than the bludgeonings and murdererings that have been going on since the dawn of human history so... ¯_(ツ)_/¯
skedaddle skedome
my dad's never coming home
Author's Response:
Translation
Nine lords
To set the barbarians trembling
[Their] fealty is owed
Under one ruler
Tomkins brought war to an entirely new level - whereas human wars are often about one populace subjugating another, the tomkins sought the utter elimination of humanity as a whole.
[Report This]Date: June 08 2020 4:52 PM Title: Chapter 18: Surmount
Teagan finally has her epiphany, suddenly realizing that she actually does care for Sihil. Of course, there's likely no reciprocation, due to the horrors that Teagan has made her bear witness to.
Author's Response:
I'm glad you can see where the plot's heading! I dont know exactly where I'm going with Teagan and Sihil's relationship, but I'm pretty sure it would take a LOT for Sihil to stop loathing Teagan.
[Report This]Date: June 08 2020 4:24 PM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
One of the best stories on this site.
Well written with good story, characters, and world. I love how wildly unpredictable this story is and can’t wait for the next update.
Author's Response:
<3 you're too kind, that really means a lot
I didn't think a plot-centered story would catch on here, but here I am 18 chapters in! I'm really glad that you enjoy it, and I especially appreciate that (from what it looks like) you made an account to drop this review. Thanks for making my day :)
Date: May 28 2020 10:24 PM Title: Chapter 1: A Fallen Nation
WAIT
since apparently the barbarians got to Teagans earth through dimensional shenanigans
Humans are going in the other direction to wherever tomkins come from
I'm calling it right now
[Report This]Date: May 28 2020 8:07 PM Title: Chapter 17: Wrath
Ooh hoo hoo sihil's a brave little brat. I'm going to guess by that screamed "diciti" she was demanding teagan explain herself.
I do love me some Sihil dialogue, however I'm just as much gunning for the "Old Lands" of the tomkins and humans in slavery.
I'm unlike Teagan in the fact that despite my enjoyment for feeling tiny people squirm around and suffer from being digested, entertainment is more important. (DANCE MONKEY DANCE) (Except I suspect this is only because I'm living life in a first world country, if I lived a life, for example, exhausting myself farming from dawn to dusk, I'd probably also shove food sources in my face with little thought).
A slight criticism, though take it with a grain of salt. The vore scenes seem pretty... um... repetitive. All playing out the same way. Teagan catches handful of tomkins-->tomkins squirm and cry-->Teagan smiles and shoves them all in her mouth and the tomkins cry and scream as each one is funneled down her throat.
Also aren't the tomkins like 2-3 inches or so? Girl must have a hell of a control on her throat and mouth muscles if a writhing mass of 4+ of those things doesn't accidentally slip down her throat and choke her to death.
Author's Response:
And, to be honest, yeah, I'm tragically uninspired whwhen writing most of the violent interaction between Teagan and the tomkins. I appreciate the criticism a lot, since it's definitely going to help me think about writing less repetitive stuff in the future.
Oh, and as far as tomkin height goes, I'll be honest - I'm not that great with visualizing size - but I imagine them to be around the size of chess pieces, with younger ones being pawn-sized and adults being more, like, well, any of the other pieces, really. A quick search shows that my numbers are a bit wonky, but I want to keep a perfect balance between small enough to be individually helpless and large enough to be threatening in numbers. I can't make things too easy for Teagan ;)
As always, thank you for the review, and again, the criticism is much appreciated! It's really helpful to me, since I have a hard time noticing these details on my own.