Reviewer: Trap Signed [Report This]
Date: March 21 2015 2:33 PM Title: Chapter 1: Autumn

First off - welcome to the site! The threads lead me here, so forgive me if some of their abraisiveness has rubbed off on me.

I lean more towards retro animu than newer ones (more Project A-ko than Kill La Kill), so I'm probably not part of the target audience here. But I can follow it pretty well, still (and know enough to say that you spelled "Ryuko" incorrectly).

As it begins, I can't help but feel like it's just a little cliched, and the writing feels kinda confusing - but you quickly come into your own by the time Satsuki starts growing. Watching the interaction between the sisters was pretty fun; you definitely know how to express Satsuki's huegness. There's a good amount of variety in their one-sided fight, too - that's really nice. Every bit of prose going into detail about her body is perfection, more-or-less.

A few tiny gripes: paragraphing needs improvement. It's an issue I had when I first did stuff on this site, too. I personally feel it might flow better if each line of dialogue were in a separate paragraph, but that's just my perception. And more of a personal thing, but I don't really get Satsuki and the POV characters' train of thought during the end - it always confuses me when a giantess spares the main character for no reason and the main character is completely submissive.

Still, a really good story! Don't want to boss you around or anything, but if you want to keep writing, you might consider doing a shrinking story for your next piece. Growth is amazing, but from what I've seen here, you seem to be much more adept at writing personal, one-on-one interactions between characters than scenes of wide-scale destruction.