[Report This]Date: March 10 2015 6:07 AM Title: We What!??
You have an interesting idea, but I really wish you took your time. You're just throwing action after action, and not really describing anything. It seems like an entire development takes one sentence, and before that's over we're on the next.
You need a build up, some thicker descriptions, and to tone it down a notch on the speed writing.
Author's Response:
Thank's for the suggestion. To be honest I write most chapters in a rush to get them up so thats why the development seems rushed. I'll make sure to go back and add detail to the story as I want to finish this story as perfect as it can be to get an example for how I should write.
Date: March 09 2015 12:06 PM Title: All the small things
Interesting. I'll be following this story to see where it goes
Date: February 23 2015 3:18 PM Title: Beach Day!
I like where this is going so far, but you accidentally copied the first part of your story over again :p. Hope to see more although!