[Report This]Date: October 30 2014 9:39 PM Title: Payback's A Cassie
This was great. Awesome seeing how Cassie's opening up to Alvin. Also love the descriptions of how the world/school works in general.
Author's Response:
Thanks, it is great to see Cassie letting Alvin into her own world, he does need a change of scenery.
Date: October 28 2014 6:05 PM Title: Early Morning
Alright, thanks for the info!
Author's Response:
I'll have to delay it again but the next chapter is close to being finished.
Date: October 14 2014 5:50 AM Title: Early Morning
Any idea when the next chapter will be out?
Author's Response:
Kind of busy this week, expect an update....next week?
[Report This]Date: October 04 2014 4:49 AM Title: Pasta and Meteors
Here's another site I reference when I'm writing in limited/intimate/close pov. It shows how to avoid 'head-hopping':
http://jamigold.com/2013/07/7-methods-for-handling-point-of-view/
And yes, your quality is improving. Keep writing and, most importantly, write for yourself. The rest will follow naturally.
Author's Response:
Thanks, you've been very helpful. I'll play around with it when I write my next chapter, be it this story, Escape or my next BFG story. I think I'll do it for the latter two, I think my BFG work needs brushing up.
I do best when I feel for the writing so am hoping that it'll end on a high note.
[Report This]Date: October 04 2014 4:40 AM Title: Pasta and Meteors
It's sometimes referred to as third-person limited or intimate.
http://grammar.about.com/od/tz/g/thirdpersonpovterm.htm
Not critical of course, everyone prefers a different styles when writing. However, it's good to know the options and the benefits of each.
Author's Response:
I am guessing you mean the third person omniscient so that would impart more of a character's feelings into the writing and allow the reader to feel more rather than the usual third person which might spread itself too thinly. Thanks for the advice, I'll try it out and see if it fits. I think I'm headed in the right direction when it comes to quality, just need to polish it and I might be able to churn out something that'll be remembered for the ages.
[Report This]Date: October 04 2014 3:19 AM Title: Pasta and Meteors
Nice chapter. Good to see Cassie helping Alvin out. Still not sure why Wendy hates him so much.
One recommendation would be to consider zooming to a more intimate POV. Choose one person's head per scene and focus on that. Makes for a more enjoyable reading experience. For example in this chapter you used phrases such as "how could she ever get him to trust" and "in his head he prayed" in the same scene. If Cassie was the pov, she could make guesses that Alvin prayed, but that's about it. Just an idea. A more distant third-person is fine too, but sometimes makes it more difficult to pack an emotional punch.
Author's Response:
I can promise you that it'll be explained why Wendy hates him so much, it's that kind of story where things are done for a reason and not because " Me big, you small. I fuck you." Cassie should be helping him out,she did make his day worse.
You mean go first person? Is that what you're saying or I can still go third person but focus on one character's thoughts? I am trying to evolve my writing style into something better, mostly taking inspiration from the Titan quartet and you, fusing it with my own style. Thanks for reviewing.
[Report This]Date: October 03 2014 8:19 PM Title: Bios
Gonna be honest. I never liked picture bios, because they take away my ability to picture the characters the way I want them. But for Alvin Summers to be Josh Hutchinson, it's great casting, in retrospect.
Author's Response:
I needed a short Caucasian guy for him and Josh fit if well, pretty much the only reason I used him but he has a vulnerability I can use. However if you think he looks like someone else feel free to imagine him as that person, even if it is someone like Arnold Schwarznegger.
[Report This]Date: October 01 2014 8:24 AM Title: Early Morning
Cassie's heart is in the right place, but I hope she doesn't just make more trouble with her help! Alvin's hurt bad, and the last thing he needs is to have more problems piling on him!
I can't wait to see more Cassie and Alvin! Between Cassie's guilt and Alvin's mistrust, the two have their plates full trying to come together!
Author's Response:
We'll need to see how Cassie intends to help Alvin and if Alvin's faith in her pays off. Yeah, he doesn't need more problems for sure, Wendy is enough for now. Not to mention whatever is still lurking in the back.
I am glad you like to see Cassie and Alvin together, it'll definitely be fun watching the two trying to talk without breaking it off!
[Report This]Date: September 30 2014 10:15 PM Title: Pasta and Meteors
The chapter is good, and now I finally know where the connection between this story and Incorporated lies. The only advice I can give is to remember to look over your work to fix the little grammar and spelling errors.
Do you have an estimation as to when the next chapter might come out (.i.e. Saturday, etc.)?
Author's Response:
Congratulations on being reviewer No. 50!
There'll be little connections here and there but don't expect it to be like Titan, vgiv and I agreed we wouldn't do something like that. I already do check my work but it seems there are still errors. No problem, I can always double my efforts.
Next chapter is a bios update. It'll be out this weekend, so the bios page will finally be up but I need to update The Escape, it's seriously in need of one so the next true update for Downtrodden will be next week at the earliest.
Date: September 30 2014 8:24 PM Title: Pasta and Meteors
Amazing chapter... Probably the best one out so far!
Author's Response:
I hope you say this for every chapter that follows!
Date: September 30 2014 6:37 PM Title: Early Morning
Yuuuusssss
Finally some niceness between Alvin and Cassie... Yay yay a yaya yay yay yay yay
Email : wendellwu@live.com
Msg escape and aftermath via that.
Love this chapter :D
Author's Response:
Check you email within the next 24 hours, it should be there. Mind you, the chapters are all together so Aftermath is like 300 pages while Escape is 87 pages.
Date: September 30 2014 6:24 PM Title: Pasta and Meteors
Aaahhh.... young love.
Author's Response:
A bit soon for that although if this were a fairy tale I wouldn't hesitate to try it out.
[Report This]Date: September 30 2014 3:34 PM Title: Early Morning
Great story! I loved the interaction between Cassie and Alvin.
Author's Response:
Thanks and also great to see a new reviewer! Shows my story is appealing to a wider range of people.
[Report This]Date: September 30 2014 9:13 AM Title: Pasta and Meteors
Okay Cassie is starting to grow on me already. For someone of her size, power, beauty, intelligence and popularity to have the amount of guilt and empathy that she does is almost too good to be true.
But I AM glad she is likable. Hopefully her and Alvin can be real friends and not just together because of her guilt. As for Wendy, I cannot believe that bitch! Seriously! What if Alvin had gotten seriously hurt or worse! What if he went missing forever or ended up dead in a ditch somewhere?
I don't know if Wendy is straight up evil, I kinda feel like she isn't, she's just a bitch. I think if something REALLY bad happened to Alvin because of her she'd feel remourse. But then again, she DID leave Alvin tied up somewhere where he could have potentially died so...
Author's Response:
Well just because she is a giant cheerleader doesn't mean she feels no guilt or anything like that, giants have feelings too. I also hope Cassie and Alvin can be friends and not just because she feels guilty over what she did.
Wendy will be addressed in the coming chapters, can't just leave her out of it. Yeah I don't think she'd kill Alvin or do something that would get him killed but you never know.
[Report This]Date: September 27 2014 6:30 AM Title: Early Morning
NoStory why did you remove the or escape stores? I like to reread them you know ;P
Could u pls put back on?
Author's Response:
I won't put it back on. However, I can email them to you. Send me a pm and I'll send it as an attachment.
Date: September 26 2014 6:21 PM Title: Early Morning
Yay! I knew Cassie wouldn't be as bad as the others! Alvin has it rough, but it's good that he's finally found someone to lean on. Sic her on team Wendy!
Author's Response:
Team Wendy? You mean people actually like her? That's something....
[Report This]Date: September 26 2014 4:04 PM Title: Dolls
Oooooohhhh boy
Here we go with alvin gearing his revenge buttons!!!
Author's Response:
I hope you're right.
Date: September 26 2014 12:16 PM Title: Dolls
I'd like to point out that Cassie probably would not have been so harsh if she had not been called a ho earlier.
Author's Response:
She's had a bad day, we'll give her that one. Good news is that at least Cassie knows Alvin is innocent.
Date: September 26 2014 7:54 AM Title: Dolls
Im no sure if I like Cassie, even now...First of all she completely jumped the gun! And secondly, EVEN if Alvin had been there for perverted reasons I dont think he would have deserved what he got!
I really dont think looking up a girls skirt = kidnapping and torture. I think she'll grow on me, but Im not too impressed by her 180 AFTER she already broke a guys spirit for such a petty reason.
Author's Response:
I can understand where you're coming from, I really do. I honestly think very little of perverts, they generally get what they deserve. Cassie has her reasons for doing that, it'll eventually be revealed as the story goes by. Give Cassie time, you might actually like her.
[Report This]Date: September 26 2014 6:43 AM Title: Dolls
Woot! Cassie isn't such a bad person after all. I'm glad she had a change of heart. Great chapter!
Author's Response:
Hey thanks, I don't think she'd ever do any of what she did to someone she knew was innocent. Once Alvin broke down and it became clear he never wanted to look up her skirt, she made a 180 and moved to help him.