Reviewer: Darien Fawkes Signed [Report This]
Date: May 29 2015 7:13 PM Title: Bios

I just read the last few chapters in one sitting, since they mainly revolve around Wendy and her character, that will  be what I address.

On the surface I'll be honest, her backstory looks pretty generic. Child who grows up with parents who don't want her, and a drunk wifebeater for a father. At first it sounds like every other backstory that's been done before. What makes this different, however, is in the number of layers within this story. The mother not wanting children explains her indifference to Wendy and Alvin (along with the death of Daniel), giving Wendy parental issues. The father beating Wendy gave her a sense of helplessness that she would channel into Alvin, becoming a bully. But what I found even more interesting than that, is how she was beaten during her developing years. This stunned her growth, as well as kept her from developing any imressive curves or muscles. So not only did Wendy grow up being abused, but she also had to deal with self-image issues. Not to mention the bullying at the hands of a bigger Amazon. So she's delt with neglect, abuse, and self-image issues.

Finally, what made this story way different from other generic my-drunk-dad-beat-me backstories, is Wendy's past history with Alvin. It's so refreshing to see that they had a legitimate brother-sister relationship. It's like learning that, when they were kids, Cinderella's step sisters were close friends of hers. It makes their present relationship more interesting, and gives more character and depth to Wendy and Alvin.

I do have one problem, and that is the build up. A lot of people tell me that in my story A New Perspective, they weren't sure how to handle Peter's battle with depression, because they felt like it was too much revelation at once. Some say that they felt it came out of no where, and they had a point. I probably should have dropped a few more hints here and there. This story gave me a new point of view to consider, as the reader. While Wendy's story was great, it felt like too much to learn at once. That story you illustrated earlier, where Wendy erases all of Alvin's contacts? If you had a few more flash back scenes like that earlier in the story, it would have been perfect. Then there would have been that perfect balance between giving a deeper look into a character, while keeping us guessing. Then you tell the whole story when Wendy speaks to Cassie. 

My final thoughts: great backstory, very deep with history and experience, and answered some questions. Though there should have been more flash back scenes to show us the past first hand rather than tell all at once. Please don't take that as critisism though, as I'm guilty of the same mistake. Looking forward to the next instalment.

Author's Response:

Wow, the longest review of the update. Okay, lets take this in and respond. 

You're right, her backstory for the most part is generic and I actually thought it would be enough. I realised after a while some people bully others because they are the victims of bullying and need an outlet to vent their frustrations and/or to feel strong. However I did know that if it was only the father, then Wendy's development into the monster she is today would have been unrealistic because there was nothing to it. So I thought it best she be constantly hit with the idea of how weak and worthless she is, from parents who never wanted her to girls who picked on her. It never occured to me to think this was overkill but it seems to have paid off, a bully created out of a perfect storm.

I think for there to even be a chance of the reader believing Alvin and Wendy could get back together, they had to have some good times, as a base to build on. It would be like Ben reaching out to Amy but without him ever having a crush on her, it seems strange other than to think he is just a saint or something. Whether Alvin and Wendy do get back together, you'll have to wait. 

Okay, I never hinted at much was because I thought it would be surprising to the reader to know that things weren't always so horrible with the step siblings, it would be a surprise twist. Downtrodden is essentially based off a very smutty idea I had which borrows from Cinderella, I'll reveal a bit after I end Downtrodden but I'll say Downtrodden is like the grandchild of the Cinderella story I had. So your analogy is quite fitting. 

Another thing is that I conceived Downtrodden in the summer of 2014, dusting off an idea while rebooting The Escape and Aftermath, two poorly planned out stories but Aftermath was too draggy. I gave flashbacks liberally but the story seemed to be too slow. vgiv and I worked to make sure this story would have excitement with a little break here and there to allow for some breathing. I thought to give Wendy a flashback would be dragging it down. I was also a little down, wondering why people weren't loving Aftermath as I thought they should be but I learnt a few valuable lessons during that period and am putting it to use now. 

For the sake of experimentation, I got one more character to delve into and I'll use flashbacks for that, see which one comes out better. Wendy's or the other person. Then I'll put the lessons learnt from this into my next story in this series. That one requires a good deal of flashbacks. 

Thanks for this detailed reviews, really helped. 

Also, for the record, I think you did it well on A New Perspective , the battle with depression wasn't totally out there because you kept dropping these little paragraphs hinting at a darker force within. Its just that readers didn't pick up on it too much. Don't be too harsh on yourself, it was a good story. 

 

Reviewer: smoki1020 Signed [Report This]
Date: May 29 2015 11:36 AM Title: Forgive and...Forget?

Yes Wendy seems sincere but route to pardon is still long!

Author's Response:

I believe that forgiveness is earned not given, anyone wishing to get it should do more than offer a simple apology. 

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: May 29 2015 9:02 AM Title: Forgive and...Forget?

"every chapter from here on out will have something major". That's good to know. I am really enjoying this story. I am sorry for not commenting prior as there have been soem chapters I haven't reviewed.

Author's Response:

Hey its  fine, I usually assume people got busy and didn't have time to read or review my stuff. I think there is something major , just checked my story notes to confirm that there will be since the story is hurtling towards the end of the line. 

Reviewer: tinyguy Signed [Report This]
Date: May 29 2015 7:11 AM Title: Forgive and...Forget?

Can't wait to see what happens next, as well as what the new story's like (have mainly been following this one & not incorperated).

Author's Response:

It'll be powerful stuff and with only 2 stories to write at the moment, it'll be written faster too. 

 

The new story, I'll let afamilyman tell you more if he wants to comment on it. It's his first story on this site but I like what he showed vgiv and I and I think you guys will too :)

Reviewer: Prodi Signed [Report This]
Date: May 20 2015 11:41 PM Title: Olive Branches

Another good addition to a really good story.

I like this chapter. Yes, it is a little dark, but I think that’s important. It helps conveying the emotions behind it and helps understanding why Wendy became the person she is now. Well done.

Author's Response:

Thank you! 

I think the tone itself is unavoidable, the past I planned for Wendy, any other way would simply not be taking it seriously. The night is darkest before the dawn.

Reviewer: gadgetmawombo Signed [Report This]
Date: May 20 2015 3:54 PM Title: Olive Branches

The chapter was a little dark. I think its funny how Wendy had this terrible past with an abusive father and her new dad dying etc, and what seemed to trigger her bullying was being made fun of for her figure! OR at least thats how I interpreted what I read...

Anyway, I wonder how Alvin is gonna react to all this? He doesn't seem like the type of guy to hold a grudge but it HAS been a long, horrible relationship between the two...lets not forget the incident where Wendy almost pushed his face into the stove!

Great chapter! I'm hoping for more Cassie x Alvin interaction in the next chapter, we haven't really had those two together in a few chapters!

Author's Response:

While it does look she picked on Alvin because of a joke he made, think of it as the straw that broke the camel's back. It's about things coming together to make her snap and release something horrible. 

 

Exactly, Alvin seems like a good person but every man has his limits. You'll have to wait and see ; ) 

 

You're right we haven't since they had dinner together but it'll come, give it time. 

Reviewer: SoleEmbrace Signed [Report This]
Date: May 14 2015 12:01 AM Title: Bios

Wee, looks like Wendy's have a change of heart...maybe? :p We'll see how Alvin handles it!

Author's Response:

Thanks for reviewing, I don't know. Did she? 

Reviewer: MadHatter Signed [Report This]
Date: May 13 2015 12:03 AM Title: Bios

I'm glad to see this isn't dead. This is like I've said in a few reviews before, one of the few stories where the story is more interesting then the fetish content. Keep goin man! I wanna see this conclusion :-D

Author's Response:

Thanks, I got it all planned out so its just a matter of having time to write. I promise you that you will see the story come to an end. 

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed [Report This]
Date: May 12 2015 2:17 PM Title: Dilemma

You've got me a little confused. Are Wendy and her three fellow Amazons going to lull Cassie into a false sense of security with their apology? Or, just Wendy, alone? And, how did Cassie wind up in Wendy's flashback?

Author's Response:

I can't explain that yet. However, I think I made a little mistake in typing Cassie into the flashback, I'll edit that. She isn't supposed to be there!

Reviewer: tinyguy Signed [Report This]
Date: April 20 2015 9:17 AM Title: Bios

Any updates Soon?

Author's Response:

I have exams, not exactly easy to update but after my last paper its the long summer break which I intend to use to update all my active stories. Downtrodden is more or less fully planned out, no writer's block there. The Escape is fully plotted and Dance was done a long time ago so no problems with planning, just execution.