Date: August 12 2014 7:27 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
In response to jamiltons response to my review i was argueing with myself
[Report This]Date: August 11 2014 2:51 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
Nice!! I like the new ending coming up!! More booty and farts!! Thanks for deciding to change it!!!
Author's Response: Thanks Spider-Man??????????
[Report This]Date: August 08 2014 8:45 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
This is out of curiosity, but how old are you? I only ask this after reading your babysitter story. The main character was 12 and I was wondering if that was your age.
Author's Response: No I'm not 12
Date: August 08 2014 6:12 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
Well it doesn't have to be from the mother... Maybe one of the mothers girlfriends... But from a woman in her 30s would be great! Have the woman unaware!! With buttcrush and farts! And. Looong chapter :)
[Report This]Date: August 08 2014 4:11 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
Yes please!! Like buttcrush from the mother with some farts!!! Tht would be cool!!
Author's Response: I've never done mother or been a fan of it but I might give it a try
[Report This]Date: August 08 2014 4:03 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
Holy shit that last chapter the whole far. It the bottle was so fucking awesome!! I hope there is more ass action and farts in this story ... Some unaware farts and buttcrush would be good too!! Keep this up bro the story is really good!!
Author's Response: I did end the story there but if you want I will change the ending and add another chapter to it.
[Report This]Date: August 03 2014 9:24 AM Title: 1 ticket for a shrunken person
I agree with that most of the reviewers have said. But there stars ratings are extremly harsh. Your storys are very good they have the potential to be amazing. Like the one review said you should write out the chapter and then go back and add a 2-3 sentences for each one. Your storys are good but they need the added detail and you need to beef them up. I look forward to reading your storys, but they're so short it only takes a couple of minutes. I'm looking forward to more from you and possibly some re-edit of your previous storys!
Date: August 02 2014 9:12 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
In response to hertinypal's response to my review -
I'm going to say this right now, I'm never going to take time or effort into reviewing a story I did not on some level enjoy. What I see here, is a lot of potential, but what needs to be developed is form.
The prominent English actor and author Stephen Fry once said something about Oscar Wilde that I find fascinating:
"Oscar Wilde, and there have been few greater and more complete lords of language in the past thousand years, once included with a manuscript he was delivering to his publisher, a compliments slip in which he’d scribbled the injunction, “I’ll leave you to tidy up the woulds and shoulds, wills and shalls, thats and whichs etc.
And that gives us all some hope, doesn't it?"
Jamilton, you have the engine that makes an author. You just need to pretty up the chassis and you'll be well on your way. I would not continue to read your work if I did not enjoy it.
Author's Response: Would it help my case if I told you that I'm younger than 16
Date: August 02 2014 9:05 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
I call bull shit i went into sister brother stories myself
Author's Response: Nobody's arguing with you dude
Date: August 02 2014 8:39 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
dont apologize to me, really! I think you are daring for writing this kind of story. Keep up the good work. Not alot of writers will go into the brother sister thing with shrinking so I give you credit. Keep up it comng and if you are interesting in other stories about shrinking and being around your sisters, sheck out my stories Sibloing Rivalry, sister's newest doll and 5 years later. I would love to read your comments on any and all of my stories.
Author's Response: Well you know how to write a good story. Maybe some time we could do a collab story together.
[Report This]Date: August 02 2014 4:21 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
I enjoyed this story so far but i know i wont like the next chapter with the dog. I am happy to see that you took my advice and opened your range of character names. I would also advise to use some of the advice given below. Most readers dont usually review on stories to see if they can get something they like in a story.
It would be nice to see some longer stories because short stories or chapters arent fun especially when they fell rushed. Thanks and i hope you take some time and improve your stories. From one starting writer to another. Thanks for reading and have nice day.
Author's Response: I'm not just talking to you here but why do people want every story to be pitch perfect and be super long with no grammatical mistakes?
Date: August 02 2014 2:20 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
Sorry hertinypal when I read your review I thought you were talking to me and I got confused.
Date: August 01 2014 8:41 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
Michaelecs - wow you go right for the jugglular with your review BUT you dont tell him what you think of the story. That's not cool. I would love you to read and review my story because I apprecaite comments of all kind though the ones I like most are aboiut the characters and how you feel about them. Anyways, not all authors want to be told what they are doing wrong and after all, its just your opinion. I am not saying I disagree with some of what you are saying. What I am saying is that criticism like yours while well intentioned and thoughtful, might not be welcomed. personally if I were to offer this kind of critisism to an aspiring writer, I would preface it by saying : Please let me know if youd prefer tnot to get this kind of critique and if so I will not continue to criticize. Thats just one man's opinion.
I can take the criticism on my writings and I welcome yours and anyone else that will take the time to write about my stories. Try a new life and see what you think?
Author's Response: Ok I'm just about to read a new life and I will review hopefully positive.
Date: August 01 2014 8:28 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
This build up is awesome! Keep up the good work. My only concern at this point is that with all these girls, that wish to not be noticed is going to mean totally unaware. I like it when women see and react to the shrunken guy and I am affraid this wont happen in this story. I love the way Amber lost her pet because of her brother's insensitivity, even if he didnt mean to. I would like to think he is going to take the pets place because Amber lost her old pet and now her brother will do nicely as a stand in!
Keep up the good work. I will be reading. ( if you dont like this kind of comments, I understand and wont make critiques. To me as a writer, I would love readers to tell me everything they are feeling about the characters so that's what I am doing for this story. )
Author's Response: Actually I was coming up with an idea when Amber finds him and uses him as a slave/pet but then changes to a nice giantess. This could come around chapter 4.
Date: July 31 2014 5:57 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
Can't wait for the next chapter
Author's Response: Well now it's here and the story continues
[Report This]Date: July 29 2014 8:16 PM Title: A wish that fucked my life
I'm going to offer what I think is a constructive review here. You have a lot of ideas, and that's really what is at the core of being a writer. That, and being persistent. One final key to being a good writer is being open to improvement. The only way to improve is for you to discover what could be improved in your writing. So here goes:
Check over your story for context and proper wording. For example "I just took a deep breathe and started climbing my sisters foot." Would be more properly handled thusly. "I just took a deep breath and started climbing my sister's foot."
You are firing off your story in short bursts, with skips and jumps. If you read a well constructed story, you should be able to imagine it as a movie or TV show. Yours reads like one of those flip-books kids make, where you draw a bunch of similar pictures and flip them fast to simulate motion.
Try an experiment, and see if you can see a difference - re-write this but for every sentence you have here now - write two. And do not advance the plot any more than you have in this little chapter here.
Then, repeat that process a few times, and before you know it, this chapter will be a few thousand words longer than it is now, with a fuller feel, and one that doesn't feel like we're being rushed.
To use a sports analogy, reading your stories is like paying to go see a football game but then only being shown a 2 minute highlight reel when we wanted 2 hours of football.
I hope this helps.