Date: July 17 2014 5:35 PM Title: A day with Emily
This really isn't that bad Joe, if you could throw some white space in-between some of those thick blocks of text, it would be much easier for the casual reader to follow along with...
The story itself should flow. and, not to be rushed right to the 'Good' parts. Slowly building up, as we get to know the charactors; and slowly...and I mean, Slowly, just start to unveil the beginings of the plot line.
Each chapter should follow like a T.V. episode. and continue deeper and deeper into the thick of the story...
Then, the ending should be a surprize... something that you might have suspected in the very begining but, had almost forgotten about until its thrown out there.
Just some tips,... Thought you might need a few suggestions
wildcat ;`)
Author's Response: Thanks I'll try to improve it in my final 2 stories