[Report This]Date: June 26 2014 5:35 PM Title: Chapter 20
Oh man, Jaden is going to really suffer. Those girls better hurry!
The backstory certainly helped Tasha, it fleshes out her character and brings them closer together as a whole, gives them something in common.
Date: June 21 2014 10:46 PM Title: Chapter 1
If it slipped your mind then don't worry about it, none of us are professionals but your story is one of the best I've read on this site.
You structure your giantess scenes around a solid and well thought out plot. I mean no disrespect to any authors on this site but I've read story's that are nothing but fetish material made to look like it had a plot.
And yes I've noticed the effort you put into making your characters as real as possible. I tried to do the same thing in my first story but I don't think most of my characters came all that close (I'm trying to correct that in my new story).
Your characters talk normally, act normally, and feel like they could be real people. Sure sometimes Ryan seems like he's more of a cliche villain (a villain that is always shown doing something evil just to show off how evil they are) but he's still a great antagonist. And the protagonists like Jaden, Alex, and Ava are very three dimensional, well thought out, and all round likeable characters. The chapter where Alex almost kills Jaden is the best example (as well as my favorite scene) because we see the good and the bad side of Alex, we see some incredibly interesting moments in Jaden's past, and we see sweetheart Ava make everyone feel better.
Date: June 16 2014 3:23 PM Title: Chapter 19 Part 2
I finally got around to reading this story and I'm blown away by it. Everything about this is just awesome and it feels completely natural.
I only have two issues but please take it as constructive criticism. I well and truly love this story.
1) At the beginning of that conversation between Crystal and Ava it seemed like everyone spent too much time feeling sorry for themselves. Granted people do that in real life but these girls just went from fists of fury to just moping about. Btw Ava's become my favorite.
2) Ava and Alex don't seem to show any form of disgust or regret at actually killing. I know those guys didn't have family's but we're talking about young college girls that have just killed men. They should at least be feeling remorse or disgust for what they had to do.
Other than that I can't wait for you to finish this story. I love the plot, I love the characters, and I love your style of writing. I'd say it reminds me of my own writing style but I think you do it better.
Author's Response:
Thank you for criticism, I've actually caught on to the second one after I went back and reread it myself, but you know meh...lol. I actually thought the whole giving them a warning thing was a good substitute for it, even the strutucre wouldn't be as solid to others, but you right. I think I can find a way to explain that feeling actually as the story continues...And believe it or not, Ava is actually my favorite to....and it wasn't suppose to be that way.
I was actually trying my best to give them a real human personalty, its extremely hard to do without missing a few errors on how real people act to certain situations, for example the second thing that you mentioned. It's real easy for something like that to slip a person's mind while writing, but I'm practicing and getting better, that's all I can do. They say practice makes perfect.
I do thank you for your constructive critcism and the fact that you like this story, I really appreciate the review.
Date: June 15 2014 4:23 PM Title: Chapter 1
I just realized the New World Order tag. If this story ends how I think it does...
Date: June 14 2014 2:20 PM Title: Chapter 19 Part 2
That chapter was so long. Too long perhaps - nearly 6000 words. It was good though.
Here:
But Ryan has an army of Regulars with specialize bullets
You mean: specialized
I imagine if somebody went through a chapter I wrote they'd fine some mistakes, but people don't seem to point them out when they review stories I wrote.
[Report This]Date: June 12 2014 7:16 AM Title: Chapter 19 Part 2
Great can't wait to see Ryan gone
[Report This]Date: June 11 2014 3:01 PM Title: Chapter 19 Part 2
A gun that can only be fired once and Jaden could be the key to a stronger human race , that is something! I ope those girls can shrink Ryan down then torture him for what he did before killing him!
[Report This]Date: June 11 2014 2:39 PM Title: Chapter 1
Awesome! I can't wait for the finale, I'm expecting things to get really ugly!
Date: June 11 2014 6:28 AM Title: Chapter 19 Part 1
People can guess what happens. I assume reader have an imagination. Also, stupid Americans with the imperialistic ways.
Also here:
You’re parents
You mean: your
[Report This]Date: June 10 2014 4:05 AM Title: Chapter 19 Part 1
What!? Ryan is Jaden's brother!?
Actually, I'm calling straight bullshit on that. This is either a disappointing twist or a blatant lie. Either way, I'm a nurture-over-nature guy, so blood relation is no excuse for Jaden to lay the smackdown on that son-of-a-bitch.
So when is Commander Richards and Jaden teaming up to kick ass? By which, I mean, when's the next chapter?
P.S. Did I mention enough Commander Richards is my favorite character? If you make this into a series, he should be the protagonist of a spin-off.
[Report This]Date: June 09 2014 8:57 PM Title: Chapter 19 Part 1
Such a major plot twist!... That's all I have to say
[Report This]Date: June 09 2014 3:07 PM Title: Chapter 19 Part 1
Wow, Ryan and Jaden are brothers! Oh man that must suck. I just want to see the next update , this is so good! I got a feeling he will die, just feels that way. Jaden will die and Ryan will win, this story has had that tone for a while now.
Author's Response:
Really now? Lol I like to keep my readers guessing lol.
[Report This]Date: June 07 2014 10:18 AM Title: Chapter 18
Just got caught up on this story. And you've done a masterful job in writing this tale.
aaron
Date: June 04 2014 4:22 AM Title: Chapter 1
I don't think you'll need to wait twelve chapters to see how Ryan fares, it looks like it has five chapters left.
[Report This]Date: June 04 2014 4:13 AM Title: Chapter 18
Calling Ryan a "mastermind" is a fucking stretch. Seriously, how long is it going to take for him to die? The story's good, but my hatred for the character is so intense, it's starting to sour my enjoyment of it. I swear, if Ryan isn't dead in 12 chapters or less, I'll kill him myself!!
Date: June 04 2014 3:45 AM Title: Chapter 18
It feels like the story is nearing its climax. So far this story has had pleasure and pain in the right amounts - keep up the good work.
[Report This]Date: June 03 2014 6:11 PM Title: Chapter 1
Theres nothing really wrong with the chapter in terms of errors. Good chapter though, and I cant believe I felt myself rooting for Tasha and Crystal. Alex and Ava were kinda being bitches in this one. Both Alex and Ava have good reason to be on edge but Id say out of the 4 girls, Crystal has had it worse by far. And here she is convincing her friend to help these two...
Anyway, great stuff, I didnt even really mind the unedited chapter.
Author's Response:
Why thank you.
[Report This]Date: June 03 2014 6:06 PM Title: Chapter 18
They shouldn't be fighting but I can understand why Alex and Ava would hate Tasha and Crystal but now they need all the help they can when dealing with Ryan since they're so banged up now and Ryan is still at full strength with plenty of giantesses and regular at his side.
I can see at least one of of our protagonists dying here but will you kill them?
Author's Response:
Possibility...or maybe not...no one knows lol
Date: May 30 2014 4:19 AM Title: Chapter 17
Well that sucks. I'm everything will turn out ok in the end though. In relation to the chapter end notes, I should probably watch Godzilla even if I know science says Godzilla is physically impossible.
Author's Response:
Don't you dare....Insult Godzilla like that....Ever....Again.......
"Godzilla Roar"
Date: May 30 2014 4:15 AM Title: Chapter 16
Oh no! Jaden is hurt! This is bad...