Reviewer: sketch Signed [Report This]
Date: February 06 2014 8:47 AM Title: Place - Part 1

I notice while Correy is still in school, his younger sister and her friends are all established professionally.  Do all Omegas track into jobs protecting the rights of Betas?

If Melody truly cares for Claire's brother like she think she does, this is nothing but false hope for Marion.  Speaking of which, does anyone know that Marion has already murdered at least two people?

I wonder if Melody is as reserved as everyone sees her?  From her description, if I was Correy I would jump at the chance to be with her.

Reviewer: KazumaR1 Signed [Report This]
Date: February 06 2014 6:50 AM Title: Place - Part 1

Another apt chapter name.

I have to admit I thought you were going to give Marion a troubled past like the others but I think it’s good that she is completely irredeemable. Naomi and Stephanie needed a foil.

Her father coming into play was expected. I hope Melody crushes Marion’s hopes at a lighter sentence and refuses the obvious bribe.

I have a feeling that rum bottle will get many uses next chapter. 

 

Reviewer: Flaming_Heart Signed [Report This]
Date: January 29 2014 11:04 PM Title: Boil

Well I love it. I like the reaction Melody and Jenna, the different personalities but both want vengeance for Vincent.

I can't wait for the next chapter. And this story is one of my favorites.

Reviewer: Nostory Signed [Report This]
Date: January 29 2014 9:38 PM Title: Imprisonment

A little more on the chapter, took me a while to process it.

Claire needs to be careful with Jenna, this girl might push things too far and accidentally kill an Alpha, she has too much going on inside with the whole Vincent thing weighing down on her and seeing Corey probably would have led to her killing the three girls in a fit of rage, not someone you would want in law enforcement or warden.

  The fact that they were transferred from Jenna to Claire who has shown more control than Jenna so far despite Corey being her big brother shows that Jenna's track record is probably not too clean, too many accidental injuries or death with the people in her care. 

   Also, I don't know if Corey has ever been talked down to by Jenna but it seems she tried since Claire punched her really hard for trying to do it, she really hated the idea of trying to dictate his life for him despite the fact that she could, it is what makes me like Claire and Melody more than Jenna, the girl is unstable from my first impression. Claire better watch out, she may give her more problems than Marion will since Marion's size keeps her in check while Jenna is an Omega but thankfully one of the smaller ones since a fitter,taller, more athletic Claire can control her physically.

 

   I think it is a little disturbing that she seems to get off on seeing people use their power over others, I might actually feel sorry for any of the Alphas under her, regardless of the crime. Also, who polices the Omegas if they police the Alphas and Betas?

   I also think that she is right in that feeling sorry is not enough, Naomi needs to do a lot more but I think that when she is ready, she should meet Corey. This will have to be decided by Corey with some input from Claire and a little from Naomi if she is ready, it would help the two of them alot. 

 As for Claire, I hope she realises that she should not let her friends or at least Jenna near her girls again, could undo any of the progress she has made with them.

  I actually am surprised that she is the "worst" student in her class, the last to be certified as being fit to handle a Beta when she has a Beta for a brother, must have really hurt her deep when all her friends got them ahead of her when she of all people finished last. Might there be insecurities within her that are waiting to resurface? She may spend all her time gazing down at her three charges and probing into their minds and exposing all sorts of skeletons but she could unwittingly unleash her own inner demons from her childhood. It will be interesting, very revealing transitory chapter. Marion's one should be no less interesting. 

Reviewer: sketch Signed [Report This]
Date: January 29 2014 4:40 PM Title: Boil

First of, I knew this would happen.  Lucky Naomi got saved before it went too far.  

The first description of events didn't make any sense til it was explained later.  I still had to go back and reread the beginning.  (Little extra work for your reader there.)

Jenna isn't entirely wrong, but maybe not the right reasons for her outlook.  (Like to hear more about Vincent, I assume he's the boy with one arm.)  Interesting that they transfered from her care.  That's almost as big a conflict of interest as Claire.  I'm now starting to think transferring them may not have been done with malicious intent.

That had to have sucked for Claire though, having a beta brother and being last in her class certified to even interact with him.

 This might be better for Naomi.  She'll think hard on what she was told.  But she maybe needs less to share a Beta's pain as to learn to be compassionate to those smaller than her instead of using them as an outlet for her frustrations.  That's more like what an Omega like Jenna is doing.

So Naomi knows about Stephanie's history.  Awfully quick to toss Marion under the bus.  Let's see how things go with her.

Reviewer: Kusanagi Signed [Report This]
Date: January 29 2014 4:21 PM Title: Imprisonment

Very fine chapter, wasn’t expecting Claire’s friends to see such development at least not so soon.

Jenna it seems is of the more hardcore mindset, “the world still needs Betas like me”. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if she’s killed or maimed an alpha or two. Apparently it’s traced to Vincent, maybe the boy who lost his arm, who might not be with us anymore.

Something tells me that Jenna didn’t gently inform Corrie his jogs were foolish, given what we’ve seen of Claire’s thoughts on talking down to him that might have been the cause of the punch.

The fact that the three were originally supposed to be in Jenna’s custody is quite the bombshell and makes me wonder if it was for Jenna or Claire that the change was made.

Then came the ending, I think we can all agree at this point that Marion is fucked

 

Reviewer: Nostory Signed [Report This]
Date: January 29 2014 3:02 PM Title: Imprisonment

Well it seems Jenna has her own Beta who got horribly attacked and she seems more brutal when it comes to the punishments to be dished out, I am glad Claire is in charge as she seems to be more professional. I honestly would not want to see Jenna do things to them. She and Claire are so different, Jenna telling Claire to forbid Corey from ever going into certain parts of town is something Claire wouldn't do.

 Claire and Naomi's brought her a little closer to learning about Stephanie's accident, she at least knows it has something to do with feet since Naomi confirmed it.  And it seems Marion "helped" Stephanie get over the pain, still want to see what Claire does to her and is the shrinking permanent, is Stephanie going to stay small forever?

Author's Response:

Whoops, I probably should have made a particular line clearer. When Claire says "She's going to be like this for another hour or so," she's referring to Stephanie's size. So no, she's going to return to normal soonish.

 

 

Reviewer: KazumaR1 Signed [Report This]
Date: January 23 2014 11:38 PM Title: Compression - Part 2

Reread it again and this is what I get for reading too fast. Stephanie’s family was a tragic parallel to Claire’s family. I didn't even notice her father was a beta at first. I wonder if that event broke up the family. 

Reviewer: Kusanagi Signed [Report This]
Date: January 23 2014 4:22 PM Title: Compression - Part 2

Wow never expected any of the three to come from a mixed family. Stephanie’s trauma certainly explains her shell and her denial. Trying to live with killing her brother in what seems like a complete accident would be a lot for a 10 year old to go through. It makes me wonder though if that was her biological brother or step brother in a case similar to Claire. Also what her current relationship, if there is any, is with her father.

It also makes Stephanie’s earlier thoughts are the more relevant. It wasn’t ‘just’ the size issue, it was that the difference between Claire and Corey is bigger than the difference between Stephanie and her brother and yet Claire doesn’t dare deny his importance. That might just ratchet up the guilt even more.

It hints at possible redemption for Stephanie, though far harder than Naomi, breaking her shell is going to take a good deal of time and effort.

Nice to see an additional hint dropped about the Omegas. Okay so it is reborn now implying Doctor Everett had been something previous to being an Omega. Doesn’t really narrow any of the theories down much but it’s a nice addition.

And oh ho Marion is in for it, hopefully they’ll leave Naomi alone though. 

 

Reviewer: AdamX Signed [Report This]
Date: January 23 2014 11:40 AM Title: Compression - Part 2

And now a little sympathy for Stephanie I'm taking a hazard guess at Marion being the one whose punishment doesn't elicit any such emotions...at the moment.