Date: May 18 2014 3:22 AM Title: Accounts
Good to see Consequences back even though this chapter was pretty disappointing. I don't like short chapters, especially when your style of writing benifits from longer ones due to all the detail you put into them. This one didn't leave a good impression since it was mostly flashback that didn't really add anything new. Anyone that hasn't figured out betas were treated like nothing in the past hasn't been paying attention.
That said I know this is part of Naomi's rehabilitation and it's good to get a peak into that.
I don't know why Claire is letting Jenna see Naomi,though. Figured she'd be off limits after Jenna's last talk.
[Report This]Date: May 18 2014 3:11 AM Title: Accounts
Damn...I wasn't expecting that.
Great stuff.
Date: May 11 2014 8:37 AM Title: Realize - Part 1
Finally! It was starting to look weird to see everyone with so much self control (him being scared of her sister's eye doesn't count, it was just an instant).
PS: "an obsession of her's" ;p
Date: May 11 2014 5:56 AM Title: Compression - Part 2
Finally remembered to read this and... well, it's great, but after looking at the comments I guess you already knew :)
A few minor glitches: "every two will lesson yous sessions by one", "as lenient and we are", "into it's abode".
Because, you know, for one finding them sort of proves that I've been reading carefully, and also you need a really well written story for this kind of things to stand out and become annoying...
[Report This]Date: May 10 2014 6:43 PM Title: Imprisonment
All caught up on this! Now all that's left is Tough Love, which it appears I've already seen a small glimpse of what will happen to Ashley through this story.
This is a very interesting concept. One all powerful goddess who imparts her gifts to others in order to protect Betas. We've seen a small amount of Kayla's past so far, and I'm interested to see what caused her to become who she is now.
I'm in agreement with Claire. If she's allowed one 'accident' with her initial charges, then there'd be no better use for it. It could be possible to rehabilitate Marion, but is she really worth the effort? I don't think so. She's a serial killer who shows no remorse over what she's done. Perhaps Kayla has plans for her that we've yet to discover. In any case...she shouldn't be released back into the world. Not in a year. Not ever.
I hope that Melody will get some alone time with the three girls. Now that Corey has given her some of the specifics of his injuries, I'm wondering how calm and restrained she'd be around them. If one good thing came of his tragic assault, it's that Melody was able to confess her feelings for him.
Whelps...I'm very interested in this story and I'm eager to see more.
[Report This]Date: March 25 2014 3:07 AM Title: Talk
I've really enjoyed this story so far. It's very well written, the characters are likeable (Marion notwithstanding) and it does a good job of building up the setting as the story progresses. That said the 'rehabilitation' system annoys me. I know it's there because the whole premise of the story exists to facilitate gts interaction and I don't intend for this to be a criticism of your work but the system suffers from two major flaws. The first being the lack of any apparent sentencing process and the second being inadequate measures to prevent offending in the first place.
More information may be revealed on this latter in the story but at the moment it seems like sentencing consists of Alphas being brought in on charges, Kayla (or other Omegas) reading their minds to find out why they did it (and any previous crimes they may have committed), and then sentencing them to a disciplinary and rehabiliation period with no apparent reference to the reason for their offence. This can be best seen in how our three Alpha characters receive the same sentence for the attack on Corey despite having very different circumstances.
Naomi's reasons for offending seem to primarily relate to her emotional and, to a lesser extent, psychological state at the time of the attack due to relentless bullying from Marion and seemingly willful neglect by her parents and other guardian figures in her life (teachers, extended family etc). She genuingly sees Betas as people and is experiencing immense remorse over her actions (which Kayla should be aware of), sufficient to cause vivid nightmares and at least mild hysteria. At this point her chances of reoffending are already very low and physical abuse is not going to reduce them further. It's one thing to say that sorry isn't enough and that she needs to be punished but quite another to suggest that the sessions will have any rehabilitative effect.
Stephanie is a more severe case whose offending is a result of a serious psychological issues. Her psychological condition means that the sessions are more likely to cause additional psychosis than an acceptance that what she did was wrong. Again I am aware that she is being punished for her actions but surely a system that takes no account of psychological issues when delivery punishments has serious issues with accountability. If the intenion is to eventually release Stephanie into the public they need to deal with her psychosis first. I'm sure Claire will help her throughout this story but the point remains that any progress on this front is likely to be counteracted by the disciplinary actions carried out.
Finally, Marion offends because she's a sadistic bitch with no respect for Beta-life but she seems to have received the same sentence for the attack on Corey as Naomi and Stephanie did. Kayla has made it fairly clear that she will never be released but this seems to be the result of additional sentences to be served after the current sentence is complete, rather than an extension of the sentence itself. If the system is to claim any sort of legitimacy Marion should have received a more serious sentence than Naomi or Stephanie.
Regarding the prevention of offences both Stephanie and Marion had records prior to this offence. Stephanie's record was minor but given her family situation and what happened to her brother, any offending on her part should have raised red flags. At worst it should have raised questions over whether the incident with her brother was an accident. At best it should have indicated the development of psychological issues. A cursory glance into her brain by Kayla at this point (which we know can be done at range), or any other Omega with that particular ability, should have resulted in her getting help, not just for her own mental health but to curb the chance of future offending.
It's even worse with Marion who, despite a history of minor offences managed to hide a total of twelve murders until finally being caught attempting a thirteenth. Although I know this isn't what you intend at times it almost seems like the Omegas don't care if the Alphas offend, so long as they get to punish them afterwards. From Ashley's story it also seems like there is a severe lack of training given to the average Alpha on how to handle Betas and what will and will not hurt them. It's one thing to train perspective parents on raising a Beta child but even the average Alpha should get at least basic lessons on Beta handling if there are going to be 'shared zones'. The Omegas seem to automatically know what will and will not hurt a Beta but they need to remember that Alphas have no such advantage.
None of the above is helped by the fact that Kayla seems content to allow the Alphas to be guinea pigs in her experiments to determine what to do about the sadism of the latest generation of Omegas and that she gave violent offenders to the sibling of the individual they committed violence against.
Anyway, that's my two (or twenty cents) on this story. Again, I've really enjoyed it so far, the above issues are just nagging at me is all.
[Report This]Date: March 23 2014 6:51 PM Title: Imprisonment
If anyone takes a look at this story and says "Meh, I don't need to read this" then you're in some serious denial. Go see a counselor, and get yo sh** together people cause we got an excellent story on our hands.
PS- To gadgetmawombo: For a lot of fighting games, Kayla would be a starter character. Not much OP at all.
But in this story she goes as follows: Much OP, such broken
Date: March 17 2014 10:28 PM Title: Imprisonment
Every Omega in this story, save Melody, seems to be a complete and utter sociopath - their ability to empathize with others is entirely conditional and often flawed. What happens when they run out of strawman evil Alphas to fuck with?
Date: March 11 2014 7:12 PM Title: Imprisonment
*Reads pkgong's review and your response*
Asshole Betas? Now that seems interesting! I wonder how much of an asshole a Beta can be when everyone is so much bigger...I suppose they could be assholes to eachother; that would work.
Oh BTW, great chapter. Kayla seems like more and more of a god with each chapter that goes by. She TOO OP, if this were a fighting game she'd be banned in tournaments for being a broken character XD.
[Report This]Date: March 11 2014 6:32 PM Title: Talk
This feels like reading a novel...in the good way. You know the fetishy stuff is there given the site but at times you really don't miss/notice it when it's gone.
I did get the -big bad with a heart- vibe from Jenna and glad that hopefully at-least Naomi-Stephanie have a decent shot.
[Report This]Date: March 11 2014 3:13 PM Title: Talk
A chapter than answers more questions that it raises? *gasp*
Seriously this did a great job of once again answering several questions, and building the world at large, without going into an exposition onslaught.
There’s really enough background material that could fill a few stories. The ordeal/origin of course being one, but Corey’s father’s background seems quite interesting as well.
Not too many questions raised this time though I do wonder why there was such a gap between the rise of the Omegas (going by Marshall’s age, since Graham died before omegas ascended, I’d say somewhere about 70 years ago) and Kayla allowing them to mate (seemingly around 20 years ago). Given the Omegas are incredibly long lived I do wonder about potential overpopulation if they keep having kids.
Date: March 11 2014 9:08 AM Title: Talk
I'm not sure how i feel about this "Cosmic force" and the "fire" you keep mentioning. I mean Omegas are already powerful due to their size, was it really neccisary to give them super powers too? And making a random farm girl suddenly gain god-like powers? I knew Omegas were artificially created, but i thought Kayla was a scientist who did it through technology. The first thing I thought when i saw the words "cosmic force" was "What is she a jedi"?
Anyway, do all Omegas hate alphas? It seems like they do what they do as much out of hatred for alphas as love for beta's. I feel like this story is presenting a really skewed view of this world your creating. We don't get a chance to see positive Omega- Alpha or Alpha-beta relationships so everyone comes off as being a racist/sizeist prick...except for betas who come off as angelic victims who just want to be loved. I feel like there needs to be some balance in the world view your presenting.
Author's Response:
Ultimately, and I'm being fully honest here as the author, they have these things because it allows me a lot of versatility and because of my own preferences. I enjoy safe, gentle interaction at the kind of size difference that exists between the Betas and the Omegas, and I wanted that to be possible here. I also wanted the freedom to make some adjustments to the sizes of the Alpha girls to facilitate some scenes (such as Stephanie being handled by Naomi). It was an easy decision for me to make to take Kayla's abilities and transfer a small amount of them over to the rest of the Omegas. I also frankly just enjoy a lot of fantasy and sci-fi concepts, and part of the reason for this set-up is so I can play with them.
And no, they don't. A lot of Omegas, Kayla included, were Alphas. There's a skewed perception because the last two chapters are from the POV of a woman who was a Beta at a time when they had literally no one looking out for them and because the story itself is focused on three girls who did something horrible. It ultimately isn't a broad-look story. I also kind of take exception to the statement that there hasn't been a chance to see positive relationships. 2/3 of the chapter that preceded these last two was dedicated to very friendly interactions between Claire and some Alphas, as well as showing an Alpha woman who took pride in being the daughter of a Beta while she and her husband were looking forward to raising their Beta daughter. We'll even eventually get to some asshole Betas, because they absolutely do exist, and there are some very pleasant Alpha characters tumbling around in my head waiting to be used. There IS some balance, but this isn't a story that is meant to really show that due to its very premise.
Date: March 11 2014 8:54 AM Title: Imprisonment
Hmmm, this was an excellent chapter, with plenty of my questions answered. Though I still have a few. In particular what happens to an Omega when they do go way too far?
Kayla is...interesting to say the least. I'd like to know more about how she gained so much power. She's a very interesting character to say the least, not nearly as one dimensional as some goddess-esk characters I've seen. What interests me most is her more sadistic side that showed when she was talking about Marion. She's an intelligent and strong woman to be sure, but as they say absolute power corrupts absolutely. It would be interesting to see if has to deal with such corruption and what kind of fail safe she has if she falls and turns into what she's trying to stop.
Author's Response:
We may see that at some point.
I'll eventually get started on that origin story, which will answer a lot of questions I imagine.
Date: March 11 2014 7:59 AM Title: Imprisonment
It's always wonderful when I don't have to worry about complexities like upbringing, mental state, psychology..... Marion = Evil and that's all there is to it!
This mentality is why innocents get put to death - because people treat morality, a very complex issue, like an ad libs connect the dots puzzle. Pro tip: instead of taking the easy way out and throwing a character to the wolves, maybe try developing them? It's tough, but given the amount of 'godlike' powers flying around here you'd think someone would be up to it. I mean, if people in this story can literally read minds you think working out why someone did something and how to change them would be child's play. And if it turns out nothing can change their mind, isn't that kinda why mental institutions exist? Because people who can't play nice - actually are physically unable to do so - need help and support rather than torture and death?
(Sorry, I forgot....boss god Kayla has the ethics of a high schooler. Given the amount of evil Marion has done vs. the amount of evil Kayla has the potential to do (i.e., WILL do, given the apparent immortality), you may be sacrificing the wrong person on the altar of "good vs. evil".)
Well written story though!
[Report This]Date: March 11 2014 7:49 AM Title: Talk
So much revealed about the world in this chapter. So omegas have only been around for 70 or so years, but started the new generation less than 30 years ago. And Kayla isn't like family, she is family. Also the first generation shares Kayla's world view, I guess Abby doesn't see completely eye to eye is she had to be choosen. That's actually good for Kayla, to have a non-yes man who's so close to her. It will give her prospective.
And fucking Jenna, I knew it. That is not the person you hand your sister to even for her own good. When lasting harmony is finally established, and she will probably live to see it, they're not going to know what to do with her.
If Caire is successfully fighting the fire, I don't know is giving her a treat is the best thing. It's too tempting to corrupt her. I actually hope she doesn't kill Marion. Do so, because it's her "god" given right and Marion is "nothing" to her, I feel would be a major character failure for her.
Questions:
Still don't know how Kayla assended. And if she can also choose it, why not the rest of her family?
Still don't know the second incident with Abby's kids, and now there's another with Melody's mom? Or are they related?
Also who is Claire's father, and why is he no longer in the picture?
What was Ashley's circumstances?
Still not sure what detonators are.
Is Kayla's son an Alpha or Beta?
Author's Response:
I wouldn't be quite so quick to assume an inherent difference in philosophy. One thing I want to be clear is that Abigail was not very old at all when she ascended, and that the triggers Kayla sent out required the presence of a very intense desire for a specific thing. Emphasis on "intense." I believe it would be safer to assume that Abigail was in no such state of mind at the time this happened, especially as it likely happened in the aftermath of watching her older brother die.
I kinda hate having to step up to bat for her, but give Jenna a little leeway in that matter for now. She has her kinks, but she IS capable of acting compassionately when it comes to Alphas.
We'll ultimately have to see. Marion's fate isn't sealed by any means.
On the Questions:
-Will not be covered here
-Two different incidents.
-Will not be covered here
-Will hopefully be covered a little in the next week or so with a short story while I recharge on this one.
-Will come to light eventually.
-Ditto.
[Report This]Date: March 11 2014 7:13 AM Title: Talk
So many answers and yet so many questions still.
If anything this story effortlessly keeps someone like me interested.
Kayla is difficult to pin down… she’s a very complex character. She’s kind but very controlling. I do like despite all her power she has very clear flaws, like her relationship with her son, whom she must have had with another Omega possibly. When Abigail is reminiscing about the past it appears Kayla had a relationship with Graham that went beyond just friends, though.
I didn’t say it last chapter but I do pity Abigail, she has a lot of emotional baggage and has to deal with splitting herself between work and family. Working under a god-like being can’t be anything but stressful.
Not surprised to hear Corey’s mother abandoned him and left his father. From what was said in Chapter 13, it seems alpha’s that are happy to have beta children are far from the norm. At least he ended up with a loving family.
Now moving away from the character stuff, the “Fire” continues to be a head scratcher. I can only assume when Kayla says the fire is a piece of her, she means whatever energy she wields. The fire also seems to have a mind or at least follows Kayla’s desire to find people who shares a similar mindset to her concerning beta’s, but it’s clear she can make anyone an Omega if go by Abigail.
I’m not sure how the fire is guiding in the natural born Omega’s though. When Claire mentioned that Omega’s feels intense satisfaction helping Beta’s or punishing Alpha’s, is that the fire causing that? And the reason Jenna doesn’t need the fire helping her with that is because she naturally feels that way. I wonder why Melody is different then. It’s a bit confusing.
Ah well, at least we now know why the three girls was transferred out of Jenna’s hands. She wouldn’t have cared if Naomi and Stephanie had the potential to be reformed. Marion being a “treat” for Claire is messed up, but understandable considering what she’s done.
Author's Response:
One of the things I tried to get through with Kayla is that she isn't perfect, not by any means. She has a shitty relationship with her son, has never taken the time to visit Abigail's family despite how close they are (and only agrees to do so here out of guilt), has no issues with employing a young woman that she knows to be a sadist as long as she keeps her shit under control, is incredibly invasive, and has some violent tendencies of her own. And this is before getting into anything she did in the past.
That baggage is also what makes Abby a bit of a treat to write for me. Woman went through a lot of shit when she was young that deeply affected her, and she may in fact have very few peers that can relate to her.
You are mostly correct about it. The Fire does contain a bit of what Kayla derives her power from, as well as an imprint of sorts of her will. I would not assume that she can just make anyone an Omega. Abigail ultimately is the only one she's done this for, after all.
Think of what the Fire is doing as this: Normally, Claire does attain a sense of satisfaction from acting kindly toward and helping a Beta due to a combination of instinctual and learned behaviors, whether they be learned from her own experiences with Betas/from how she was raised/from the lessons given at the Institute. The evolved Fire perverts this, and establishes a link between those behaviors and delivering a punishment to an Alpha. What might have originally been an act that was carried out with some level of resignation becomes one carried out with a level of satisfaction, because it's "helping." As for why Melody is different, well...she doesn't want to be an Enforcer, because the work itself disagrees with her character. It's why she pursued another path within Aegis. With no impetus to evolve into a state to help ease the emotional cost of carrying out that work, her Fire remains the same.
[Report This]Date: March 11 2014 7:02 AM Title: Talk
Hmm, we learned a bit more about the Fire this time. I think Kayla should be worried, if the Fire can change one’s personality, in some sense, that is the same as killing a piece of that individual. Still curious about how Betas became Betas though, perhaps I missed that in an earlier chapter. Anyway, good stuff here!
Author's Response:
Marion mentions/thinks during Place about how the Betas have existed for several thousand years. As the author, I'll tell you you assume that they are a naturally occurring species. This is very much a Lil/Gul/Brob world, just with the Brobs being a more recent development instead of always being there.
Date: March 11 2014 5:25 AM Title: Imprisonment
Such darkness within, this Fire that makes Betas into Omegas, this story is honestly one of the darkest ever to be written on this site. I am sometimes really disturbed by what goes on.
So Marion is meant to be some sort of toy for Claire, fair enough considering what she did. I wonder how will Marion die, some many ways. If she can live then I will be surprised.
The Fire seems to be some sort of living entity, I can't really describe it but it seems to be creating sadists? This might be a problem several generations later. Hopefully Claire is able to fight it. This is all I can say now.
Author's Response:
Not just Betas into Omegas, and I'll say not as many Betas went through the ascension as you might think.
I wouldn't say sadists, not exactly. The way I intended it to be taken is that an Omega being affected by the alteration derives satisfaction from the pain they cause during disciplinary sessions, but not neccessarily from causing pain to just anyone. I still view it as troubling, mind you, and obviously Kayla does, hence her intention to study and attempt to contain it before it does become a problem.
Date: March 09 2014 7:55 AM Title: Imprisonment
I was thinking they do something similar to compression but for an Omega, also because of the husband mention.