[Report This]Date: June 02 2014 3:58 AM Title: Sisters - Part 1
All right! I love this chapter!!! This is what I paid for! I can't wait to see what happens with Stephanie and Claire this time. Although, judging by what her thoughts are, she hasn't progressed much emotionally in a month. I'm not entirely sure. Does she see Betas as objects normally?
Author's Response:
As Nostory said, it's that she doesn't want to view them as actual people so that she can avoid her pain.
[Report This]Date: June 02 2014 3:42 AM Title: Sisters - Part 1
Well that was heartbreaking way to start the day.
'I'll always find you' Christ.
Author's Response:
I'm glad I could ruin your morning :)
[Report This]Date: June 02 2014 3:07 AM Title: Sisters - Part 1
That only makes the accident even worse because of what happened the one time she didn't find him. Difficult road ahead for her.
[Report This]Date: May 24 2014 4:33 PM Title: Clear
Awesome. Can't wait to see Ashley and Marion meet. I kind of hope that Claire hasn't been able to break her...and that she's still defiant.
Ahh, Jenna. Always sceptical of Beta abusers. It must be so annoying for her...having to babysit Naomi and unable to punish her in any way because she's been cleared.
10 stars for this one! But try anything like that last chapter again, and I won't hesitate in giving you a harsher rating. :P
Date: May 23 2014 2:24 AM Title: Realize - Part 2
I should have mentioned it earlier but I quite liked the seen with Corey, Melody, Claire and Jenna laying together. It was a nice slice of life moment that put me to thinking. I couldn't help but imagine a beta reading to a groups of omages especially young ones. Sure they could read the story themselves but from what I've seen of young children they enjoy being read to. They each want his attention though so they work to get it. As the years move on the methods they use change.
One day the beta looks around and notices something that also troubles him a bit. When they gather for story time they have a tendency to surround him. I wonder if the omega school might a library and a beta that reads to the students there. It could give them practice listening and create an early positive association with an beta.
Anyway very fond of that moment it inspired some amusing thoughts.
[Report This]Date: May 21 2014 6:30 PM Title: Imprisonment
This has been a very fun read. The new world order tag had me a little worried as normally that means very bad things but in this case it seems the world was already in awful shape. I loved the confession with Melody and Cory and I have to say I'm quite glad that you made Melody very well developed physically. I like the thought that when a giantess says she'll take care of someone she actually tries to make sure she can. A strong lady seems better suited to give protection then a soft one to me.
Of course with so many things going right for Cory i can't help but worry something is going to go wrong. I'm hoping that's just paranoya on my part.
I was a bit surprised to learn that the fire planted within the omegas increased aggressive behavior. With the way they behaved towards the betas I was actually thinking these females must have extremely develop empathetic regions in their brain and very strong if not overwhelming maternal drives. It reminds me of an idea I'm having fun with in which a group of rather powerful beings actually enjoy a level of pleasure comparable to a narchotic whenever they're nurting a weaker being to the point that if they don't have someone to take care of they go into withdrawl.
Author's Response:
Glad I shirked expectations a bit and that you've enjoyed the story so far! And yes, I wanted to have at least one of the girls be physically developed, and Melody seemed like the prime selection for that. Something about having easily the most gentle girl also being the most physically imposing felt right to me...as did having my, and I use this term loosely, "meanest" girl be the most unassuming.
No comment on Corey :3
Ah, actually, what the Fire is doing is....actually, I'll just copy and paste from a response I mad a long while back:
Think of what the Fire is doing as this: Normally, Claire does attain a sense of satisfaction from acting kindly toward and helping a Beta due to a combination of instinctual and learned behaviors, whether they be learned from her own experiences with Betas/from how she was raised/from the lessons given at the Institute. The evolved Fire perverts this, and establishes a link between those behaviors and delivering a punishment to an Alpha. What might have originally been an act that was carried out with some level of resignation becomes one carried out with a level of satisfaction, because it's "helping."
That idea actually sounds very neat, I'd love to see what you could do with it. I've always loved your stories, particularly Kate's, and honestly it's a bit flattering to see you enjoying my own tale. Thank you for commenting.
Date: May 21 2014 5:50 PM Title: Imprisonment
@sketch
A helpless sympathetic girl....who left Jenna's friend a crippled heap on the ground because she could. :p
Really I'm joking though. I can fully understand from a reader's point of view why it's easier to sympathize with Naomi. We actually don't even know the full extent of the crime and Naomi's role in it till she's already been introduced. If the first chapter had been from Corey's point of view during the assault it probably would be the reverse.
Still me and team Jenna will fight the good fight. :D
Date: May 21 2014 5:40 PM Title: Imprisonment
(*grumbles, why do I always have to defend not liking Jena?)
As I've said before, first impressions count. With Ashley/Naomi, you introduce them in a very sympathetic/identifiable way. We see them counterpoint the malicious attitudes of others, see them exhibit remorse, express their insecurities, and experience fear. We never start with the crime they committed, nor ever see it first hand. It's easy to forget because that action is far removed and seemingly out of character for those girls.
Then you have Jenna who comes in as an antagonist, flawed in a sociopathic way. Someone who delights in the pain of others, only in this case her target is not a killer/rapist but a helpless sympathetic girl. You can't be surprised that some people haven't warmed up to her.
Yes it's good she's there to ground Naomi, to play devil's advocate if you will. But that's not going to make her likable. Only see her non-sadistic pastimes and interactions will do that, and we haven't seen very much of her tender side so far. The closest we came was with Ashley and that was only after causing her to vomit, so that's pretty much a wash.
She has gone from a -5 to a 0, almost a 1, (where 0 is neutral likability). So she wins the most improvement award. Let's see how the shopping trip goes.
Date: May 21 2014 3:55 PM Title: Clear
@Kusanagi: WUT?! I liked Jenna since day ONE! :p
Author's Response:
Jenna Crew Represent~
[Report This]Date: May 21 2014 3:42 PM Title: Clear
Well, I found this chapter immensely enjoyable and much more light-hearted than the previous chapter. I want to see Claire and Corey again. And Stephanie; I think she's the most interesting of the three girls, so I really want to see how her story arc progressed after this last month
Author's Response:
Well, just keep in mind the running chapter title of this arc :)
Glad you enjoyed the chapter, though. Thanks for comenting.
[Report This]Date: May 21 2014 3:29 PM Title: Clear
I feel I’m the one lone fan of Jenna at this point lol. Maybe I just can’t work up righteous indignation of her working over serial killers and rapists, or maybe it’s because her actions on screen are usually tame and all of her more violent actions are implied.
I mean this chapter her actions were
1: Pointing out that Naomi’s actions weren’t that much different than the boys from ch. 16.
2: Be concerned about someone who committed assault/attempted murder be allowed near children after only a month.
How are either of these positions wrong or at all controversial?
I feel without Jenna it would be too easy to forget that yes Naomi helped beat Corey nearly to death and left him to die.
Author's Response:
That's pretty much been my running thought re: how things would be without Jenna. Naomi's sweet and remorseful enough that people kind of want to overlook what she did (even I'm guilty of this). Even Claire has been lulled in by that, and she truthfully has even more justification for being mean as shit compared to Jenna. Naomi needs someone that will hold her to what she did and disallow her from becoming complacent - someone who will challenge her to be a better person.
Date: May 21 2014 3:19 PM Title: Clear
Seriously, you better be prepared. I've got notes.
Also, now that I've realized after that last conversation just how sharp you are at narrative analysis (and how unfortunately good your memory is), I'm now combing back through my draft of Time-out 6 with terror in my heart that something doesn't line up and you'll catch it. So, you know, THANKS, you son of a bitch.
But really, thanks. And be ready!
Author's Response:
BRING IT *beats chest*
Date: May 21 2014 11:29 AM Title: Imprisonment
Eh, I almost didn't include that last comment on Jenna. As much as she wants to see Naomi suffer, it would be out of character for her to frightened small children just to spite her. I hope it goes well for Naomi.
And what, what got passed around? Is it possible to detective the answer out of the story so far?
Author's Response:
It is, yes.
[Report This]Date: May 21 2014 9:17 AM Title: Clear
So Jenna is acting like a brat. By her standers that's a huge plus for her character.
I'm surprised Naomi will be allowed near beta children given the crime she's labeled with. Not that I think she will do anything bad, but I doubt the parents would knowingly want a felon watching their kids. I imagine there will be an Omega with her the whole time. (If that happens to be Jenna, I wouldn't put it past her letting slip Naomi's crime just because she doesn't think she's worthy having the kids like her too much.)
I'm interested to see what happens when the parents meet the girls.
Author's Response:
Oh, sketch, you're like a Jenna to my Jenna :D
Possibly, but it's kind of well-known that the Omegas use stuff like this for community service because there are a lot of betas and not quite enough Aegis hands. While I'll say that there won't be an Omega with her the whole time just because of the trouble of fitting one inside a museum, she'll definitely be under the overall supervision of one while an Aegis operative keeps a close eye on her. And I dunno, I don't think Jenna would do that. I think she'd want the kids to have fun and feel safe over anything else.
As for the parents...eheheheheh. I'll just say that a particular something made the rounds.
Date: May 21 2014 8:54 AM Title: Clear
@Xkcd0088
This sentence: On the other hand these people are super duper bad and unforgivable because they killed ppl so we should kill them too
I won’t quote the rest of it. However, I’m not sure how you can compare something like murder to racism. The way you phrased it, the sarcasm you used (e.g., super duper bad), it seemed as if you were downplaying the abomination of homicide. You probably meant to focus on the flaws in the rehabilitation methods, but it didn’t come across that way.
Furthermore, did you even READ chapter 16? I don’t recall you commenting on it.
Sure Jenna has psychological problems and probably shouldn’t be in her position of authority. But how can you possibly read chapter 16 and write: “grrrr righteous anger sword of truth”. Your sarcasm projects indifference. I’m curious how the account given in chapter 16 made you feel when you read it. Not the slightest bit angry? I’d find that hard to believe.
Does that story mean we should condone Jenna or the system that put her in power? No. But it should certainly allow us to empathize a LITTLE, perhaps understanding that SOME of Jenna’s feelings are justified. It should at least allow us to treat manslaughter with the gravity and sadness it deserves, not sarcasm and insensitivity.
Date: May 21 2014 7:59 AM Title: Imprisonment
@xkcd
About naomi and beta children you gotta remember that Kayla was part of her evaluation meaning theres no doubt she is reformed since Kayla can read minds.
Date: May 21 2014 7:57 AM Title: Imprisonment
@xkcd
Also, although im iffy with Jennas character, she was more than reasonable in this chapter. I cant deny that since she gets people that for the most part are deemed unworthy from the start, shes basically an executioner but shes not all bad and certainly has her shining moments.
You gotta remember that things in this universe dont work the same as ours and for good reason...We got micro people, giant people, shrinking powers, mind reading, and more! The omega universe simply cant function the same as ours but id say things would prolly be worse in real life.
I doubt that a noble person like Kayla with those powers would exist to keep betas safe. Id say if this were real life betas would be extinct already.
You sound mad dude, maybe this story isnt for you.
Date: May 21 2014 7:43 AM Title: Imprisonment
@xkcd
About naomi and beta children you gotta remember that Kayla was part of her evaluation meaning theres no doubt she is reformed since Kayla can read minds.
Date: May 21 2014 7:20 AM Title: Imprisonment
They're putting the confessed violent criminals into contact with vulnerable children? After being tortured and browbeaten for days/weeks? This sort of treatment of criminals could only directly lead to more deaths in the short run. Imagine if Naomi was an actual criminal: someone capable, intelligent (insofar as a violent criminal can be...), and without morals - she could have easily given the same responses/reactions to her jailers (i.e. overblown contrition) and gotten to this same point. They're basically treating any true psychopath who's high-functioning enough to tell them what they want to hear to a buffet. I know there might be some rehabilitative aspects to this exercise but that's really no excuse to put more innocents in the line of fire. This system is backwards! But that's what comes of a dictatorship I guess!
And whats with Jenna raging her balls off all the time? She really needs to take some anger-management classes or something because getting "angry at meaninglessness" (or whatever) is indicative of underlying emotional issues. Ideally, someone in such a position of power would be in pretty much complete control of their negative emotions, otherwise they'd - I don't know - interfere with them carrying out their responsibilities? On the other hand, she seems to be responsible for torturing people to death in fits of sociopathic rage, so I guess she's over qualified for her job.
I cannot say enough how much I despise Jenna. She's the most egocentric, unempathetic, spoiled brat I've read about for at least the last couple days. She pulls her "grrrr righteous anger sword of truth!" routine over people murdering other people, and then goes on to regularly harass and abuse her fellow humans - sometimes in the same breath! Her entire role in life is to pretty much be to Omegas' pet Rancor....If someone is deemed "unworthy of living" (or whatever the hell these clowns use to justify protracted torture followed by painful death) they get thrown to this mental midget so they can be torn apart for entertainment value.
On the other hand these people are super duper bad and unforgivable because they killed ppl so we should kill them too hur hur hur....afterwards we can lynch up some coloreds for being bad ppl (because they are colored do you see?), and then we can go pray to the rain gods so our crops can grow super big!
Cro-magnon, childish nonsense I swear to god. Sometimes it almost seems as if people want to go back to the dark ages, for no other reason than it'd be simpler to know who to mistreat (read: people that annoy you).
Date: May 21 2014 7:08 AM Title: Clear
This is a great story so far, and I'm loving the connections growing between Claire and Naomi! What happened to Marion and Claire though? A few chapters back she was swallowed, right? I'm really excited about what's happened to her! Also... I was just a bit confused also as to how the omegas can even read Corey or any other Beta's facial expressions etc considering that to them, they must be the size of ants... I'm just a little confused on that note! Well, enough said:-
I'm loving this story so far!!! :)
Author's Response:
Yes, Claire threw her up off-screen.
As for how the Omegas do their thing...well, they're basically just "built" to from the ground up, so to speak.
I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Thanks for reading and commenting.