Reviewer: Screams of a Shrunken Stain Signed [Report This]
Date: June 12 2020 12:33 AM Title: The shrinking virus

You should have a flashback of Penelope on the toilet and her shrunken husband trying desperately to get her arrention as she wipes her bottom with 100 dollars bills. You should add the terse dinner conversations where Penelope asks him about getting a decent job and not leeching off her daughter, and chides his lack of manners at the table, talking with a full mouth. Maybe have more scenes of Paddy shrinking in bed and seeing his giant mother in law make him chicken soup and scold him for puking all over her nice sheets. Have Kate crying to Miss Fairchild as she crushes Paddy underneath her toes in glee while lying about how he was apparently cheating on her. Paddy should not be fed anything but crumbs, Miss Fairchild expects him to eat scraps and clean her floors as she eats around the house, crushing food beneath her, knowing he will clean it all. Eventually his body becomes her ash tray as she burns him with cigarettes and blows smoke in his face while whispering what a failure he is to him. It ends with Kate getting happily married as Penelope puts his tiny burnt body in the aisle to be crushed by her daughter in a beautiful wedding dress, as she leaves for their romantic honey moon.

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed [Report This]
Date: July 12 2013 1:00 PM Title: Day to day

Not bad! But, you'll have to do a LOT of re-editing to correct for misspellings. Not to mention that the character dialogue should at least be double-spaced apart from narrative text.

Reviewer: footguy123 Signed [Report This]
Date: July 11 2013 1:09 PM Title: The shrinking virus

Liking it very much. Keep up the good work. I had been looking for the update of this story