Date: July 11 2013 12:09 AM Title: Chapter 4
Several thoughts:
1. You don't cut holes in a lid, you punch them - usually from top, which would make it effectively impossible for Tommy to get out. Also - such metal edges are sharp for full size people, but magnified a hundredfold - it's not a V shaped knife edge to maintain such property. Finally - I don't think that glass etching would provide enough foothold for climbing. I'm no expert and I can be wrong about any of those things though.
2. You seem to misuse human/giant a lot - at first I thought the "giants" somehow grew a lot and conquered the earth, but it seems it is actually the little people who shrunk - and both sides wouldn't use such nomenclature (full-size humans wouldn't start calling themselves giants and while littles could try to maintain the illusion of their "humanity" - they would be largely lying to themselves).
3. As for the tiny people and their "colonies". Living in the late anthropogene (late since humans will be obsolete in just several decades), we have no idea how the primeval environment felt like for early humans. But at such minute size, it would be so much worse - everything would be gravely dangerous. Every mantis the size of a whale shark? Ants not causing "problems" but rather becoming deadly machines of doom. Seriously. They would need heavy equipment to deal with such dangers and I cannot envision them running foundries and factories, being hunted by the "angry giantesses" all the time. Also, comparably slow human reproductive cycle would have no way of ever catching up to the losses and the "wild micros" would very soon become extinct - leaving only the domesticated ones. On the other hand if it worked faster, then such creatures would not be humans at all - it takes a long time for our personality to develop. And human shaped instinct-driven tiny mammals are not very interesting... But no worries, just some overly-realistic craziness - it completely breaks the Tommy's behavior and perspective for me.
4. It's clear that either Kimmy is completely insane or all "giants" are just much different from us - but regardless of which option You have envisioned, it makes her behavior empty. There's no telling what her deus-ex-machina-driven multiple-personality will have her do next - and it doesn't seem interesting at all. I think another problem is that when the world has lots of shrunkees, then there's no reason for any GTS (or the reader, for that matter) to become overly attached to any particular little person - since if it breaks, she can always get another one. Just saying, makes her "caring" a lot less important. Or at least it would be much harder to develop such emotion (and no, her saying that "from this point I will protect you" doesn't count, since she can say "that was a joke" a minute later - without a deep emotional bond, such promises are empty). I largely ignored her little speech about his fear feeding the predator - there are many social and psychological problems that a person can have and she can choose to lie to herself about it - but it doesn't mean everybody else has to indulge her. Well, of course Tommy has in his situation, but of course even if he dies, then she can flush his body down the toilet (or lick him, ...) - and get another one.
First two are just details that I figured while reading the last two chapters, but 3 and 4 are essentially some major story-breaking level problems - they already made the characters venture far beyond the point of unreliability and it's hard to imagine any of them ever returning to the realm of the believable. Which isn't at all bad - there's plenty of such stories around the site and nobody else but me seems to mind, so don't worry about it :>
I didn't want to criticize the events so much, it just.. kind of... ended up this way. I think it's still a great first story though, so keep going and I'm sure You'll get better. Of course, if You never aimed at any level of realism, then simply ignore my thoughts entirely and please excuse my unhealthy craving for anything meaningful on this site :>
Author's Response:
1. I suppose, but me personally I like twisting the knife after I've cut the whole. This would mean the whole would be star-shaped and someone small enough could definitely wiggle throught there...Im not sure where I misused giant, but humans never call themselves that in this story...There are two races: giants and humans.
2. Slow down, bro I haven't even come up with a BS reason for that yet, but humans are DEFINITELY not smaller, they're normal sized.
3. Well I was sort of thinking that the colonies would be hidden, so giants wouldn't be able to find them.
4. Kim IS kind of insane and unpredictable, its part of her character, but she'll mellow out as the story unfolds. And remember, this is her first human, and its part of the reason that she's so overly attached. But there are several other reasons that she's like that.
Date: July 10 2013 4:13 PM Title: Chapter 1
Love it so far! Can't wait for more I'm on the edge of my seat I love how she is so sweet but has a dark little twist it keeps me wondering what she is I think I might know! Keep going!
Author's Response:
Thats the idea, Thanks for the interest.
[Report This]Date: July 10 2013 1:46 PM Title: Chapter 1
OK, you've got me hooked here. I love dominance, even though it's a gentle story, you're still keeping me on the edge! She has so much power over Tommy, she could do all the things Tommy's previous owner did to him, and some of them she really craves for it seems, yet she's still trying to keep herself from doing so! And it seems pretty hard to her.
Also, the twist is very interesting, it always amazes me how our little community can bring various genres together and morph them into GTS stories so easily. Keep it up dude!
Oh and one more thing, I don't know why, but for some reason Kim reminds me of Penny from The Big Bang Theory. Maybe it's the way she speaks, dunno. :)
Author's Response:
Im sure its not even a plot twist at this point, its really just he audience waiting for Tommy to find out...And yeah, she is gentle, and caring, but when she's horny or hungry, LOOKOUT!
Date: July 10 2013 11:53 AM Title: Chapter 1
Great new chapter, and the way of the giantess between gentle and sometimes half evil side? is my kind of giantess :D (actually i love gentle but very dominant giantess girls with thier man;))
Anyway thanks for sharing another great one, i hope the next chapter follows soon.
[Report This]Date: July 09 2013 10:32 PM Title: Chapter 1
Loving your story so far, i find it enchanting and makes me wanna crave for more chapters. Hope you update soon.
Thanks for sharing it and for the time that takes you into crafting it.
Author's Response:
Will update as frequently as I can.
[Report This]Date: July 09 2013 4:09 PM Title: Chapter 3
I hope she is what I think she is, fast, quiet, needs blood. If so I've never read a Gts story like this. Maybe she will be the humans revenge on the giants. Like use the tinies as bait or something to ambush the giants. Anyone I love the style of writing so far.
Author's Response:
Im sure that EVERYONES figured it out by now, its not really meant to be a big plot twist because I've given enough info for anyone to put two and two together.
Date: July 09 2013 5:31 AM Title: Chapter 2
In the profile biograhpy section (any other areas of text input on the website) there is the option to edit HTML tags/code and I have managed to use hearts just fine if you look at my profile. For the heart symbol itself (igonring spaces that I have added):
& hearts ;
becomes: ♥
In the HTML you cannot use greater than or less than symbols as these normally form part of the HTML tags. So ignoring the spaces I have put this would be a heart in text on a HTML webpage:
& l t ; 3
becomes: <3
Play around and see. "W3C Schools" is a good place to learn about HTML and with a little knowledge you can do things such as add borders, edit text colour and many other things.
Author's Response:
I swapped the heart in the text with the one you put here...I'll be sure to check that place out when I get a bit more free time.
Date: July 08 2013 1:13 PM Title: Chapter 3
At the start of the chapter ants and roaches are mentioned, and with this in mind, I think that it's safe to assume humans have shrunk rather than them co-existing with giant people. Unless of course, this story is set on a planet other than Earth. The thing about Micro stories is that if they are to be believable, they are best suited to being unaware stories. I have nothing against Micro stories but authors tend to ignore the size difference.
I am reminded that in the summary it states that Kim is the size of a skyscraper and Tommy Micro sized. Therefore, according to the stated sizes (the growth and the shrink), if a flea (an entity of a similar size to Tommy) is placed next to an object slightly taller than the Empire State Building (assuming Kim is close to 501ft than the 5279ft upper limit for Mega), that is the kind of difference in size you have specified.
When he was about to go into the glass jar I was half expecting his new home to be her belly button for some reason; I think it was the way you introduced his new home, coupled with the fact that Tommy is really supposed to be a little smaller than her finger nail. Despite my gripes about the story I am finding it to be an enjoyable read so far.
Author's Response:
1. In as few words as possible: yes, its basically on a different planet. I'll get into this more later.
2. He is definitely NOT that small. He is a bit smaller than her fingernail; when I first wrote this I was thinking that SHE was about 800 ft tall and compared to her he would seem about a half inch tall...Humans are normal size, hes like 6ft! I think I mention that Tommy is about the size of her fingernail in chapter 3 but I might have taken that part out last minute...But yeah it is kinda confusing that I did that, but now that I want to change it I cant for some reason...If I took the part that helps with size comparison out of chapter 3 I'll add something in chp4. Thanks for bringing it to my attention, Im sure your not the only one that was confused.
3. Well, I was trying to make it seem that she was gonna, well shove him in her girly part. Thats why he was so worried about it, he's had bad experiences with that area before.
Date: July 08 2013 12:40 PM Title: Chapter 2
I am enjoying the story so far, although there are a few things that I feel I need to point you. In the summary it says the growth is Mega and Shrink is Micro which I think is odd. If you go by the sizes you stated it doesn't make the story very believable. For the purpose of reading your story I'm imagining a human slightly bigger than the size you stated as otherwise interaction becomes difficult.
When it says:
“Why was she trying to converse with him?” he asked himself.
Don't you mean:
“Why is she trying to converse with me?” he asked himself.
When it says him it sounds like he's asking why she is conversing with a person other than himself.
Then here:
Nothing bad will ever happen to you again my little darling b29;.”
I assume b29 is a mistake. It does seem very out of place.
Finally, remember to put the speech of different characters on separate lines. It will make your story easier to follow.
Author's Response:
Thanks for your feedback!
The first thing, your absolutely right, Im going to fix it...
The second thing, its a heart symbol, I thought everyone would be able to view it on their computers, but I guess not.
And the third thing, Im trying dude, Im not legit guy...but thanks for the advice Im trying to do that.
Date: July 08 2013 3:35 AM Title: Chapter 1
I am really growing to like this. Heh heh, Kim is so far turning out the way I had hoped, and unlike Smith I see the pattern. She's alone and lonely, she feels bad for the way humans are treated, and she wants to keep Tommy safe. The only way she can accomplish all of those is to keep him, willing or unwilling. And since he is unwilling, and he told her that he was trained as a pet, it only makes sense to toher to treat him as a pet until he trusts her. I bet that her making him call her mommy is a way to try and form some kind of bond between them. I also bet that unless he manages to befriend Kim quickly and convince her that he trusts her she will see him less as a person and more as a pet like everyone else.
...or I am totally off base with my analysis of Kim. ^_^ Am I at all close?
Author's Response:
Yeah, you probably have a well enough description. Although she also kinda was horny when she made him say that, so yeah, but hey, she didn't use him like he thought she was gonna.
[Report This]Date: July 08 2013 3:31 AM Title: Chapter 1
I think you're the only mofo that's actually convinced my lazy self to get off my ass, get to y computer, and start writing!
Oh and you'll be happy to hear I'm about to write a sequel to Matter of Trust!
Author's Response:
Well thats awesome, cuz that one happened to be my fav, from the ones you wrote.
Date: July 07 2013 10:31 PM Title: Chapter 3
Does Kim have a multi-personality disorder? I can't see the connections in her behavior.
Author's Response:
Its a little more complicated than that...
[Report This]Date: July 05 2013 3:21 PM Title: Chapter 1
Great story! Definitely interested in where this is going, and I like the ruthlessness part of it, as you know me I believe. I'm a huge fan of world-building, and I would definitely love to see the back-story exanded.
Some constructive criticism I hope, some things that I've learned while I wrote my stories.
IMO, thoughts should always be written in italics while speaches should be quotet as usual. And also, it's definitely not a rule, but I find that when you break the the story into paragraphs, I feel that when you switch from one character speaking to another, it should always be a new paragraph, even if it's mostly one-liners. It's easier to read the story that way, and it looks more... beautiful.
Author's Response:
Thanks, I'll definitely keep these things in mind. Although this isn't really going to be a violent story, well its gonna be violent, but its not the focus of the the story. And I did have some things italized but for some reason it didn't want to bring those changes over from my writting program.
Date: July 05 2013 9:22 AM Title: Chapter 1
Seems lke a pretty good story, but since you mentioned classes is this a high school setting or a collage one?
Author's Response:
Thanks, Kim is pretty mysterious, and you'll find out more about her as the story goes on...Also this reply is meant for sithlord and vice-versa...XD. Kinda botched that one! Im still getting the hang of this site.
Date: July 05 2013 2:29 AM Title: Chapter 1
This seems very interesting, especially Kim. She seems like she could turn out to be a very neat character. I could see her turning into a giantess who wants to be kind and loving to tinies, yet has to battle with wanting to abuse them as well. I'll be keeping an eye on this story. ^_^
Author's Response:
College setting, dont want any minors.
[Report This]Date: July 04 2013 11:34 PM Title: Chapter 2
Not bad, not bad at all.
The two main problems I have so far would be:
1. The giants strange behavior - I assume You have something planned to explain the unreasonable and pointless violence towards the humans. Some history of the world You envisioned would probably help, but I fear the impersonal terror would still feel empty. Are there any particular motives for them to do things like that? I mean.. the first one crushing a human being.. and Kim licking the blood? Who does that... and.. from the floor? Violence aside, what about hygiene...
2. Inconsistent size handling - You say 1"-1/2" in the categories, but half the thickness of female hand suggests around 3-5 millimetres (depending on what part of it he attempted to climb) - unless the "giants" are built somewhat differently - and even with something closer to half an inch she wouldn't be able to hear him. I don't think at least - the physics model can vary, but no matter how you scale the aerodynamic effects of the human throat, it's unlikely to happen. Not without holding him very close to her ear, at least.
Otherwise all good and of course You have a very long way to turning this not-too-much-violent monster into something gentle (if that is what You intent, at least) - so far she seems to be just-barely-too-lazy-to-kill-him rather than actually caring, but I understand the apparent idea for a plot here (However, I still don't think people would believe like that, so.. explanations!).
Author's Response:
About the size thing, Its a little under half an inch but I didn't want to use a different category because I feel like 1/2 inch is better than using millimeters to describe the size. And as for the hearing, well I haven't gotten around to explaining too much about the giants and the overall world backstory, and certainly didn't get into any physical characteristics other than size. But that was because I wanted to jump straight into action, its something I'm planning to explain over time, I didn't want to have a long, wordy explanation intro. And about Kim and the blood thing, she's kind of weird, remember "mysterious things" and all that jazz, it too will be explained. Thanks for the advice though, Im gonna need all the help I can get!
Date: July 04 2013 10:03 PM Title: Chapter 1
That was interesting and different, can't see where you take it next. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response:
Oh, Sorry for not responding to this earlier.
Thanks for saying that, I am trying to be at least a little creative here.
[Report This]Date: July 04 2013 7:21 PM Title: Chapter 2
Pretty interesting start so far.
Author's Response:
Thanks! :D