Date: December 16 2015 10:07 PM Title: Chapter 1: Lost
Awesome story but such a shame to not see the ending.
[Report This]Date: May 06 2015 6:55 PM Title: Chapter 1: Lost
Are you going to update this story? This story is too good to go stagnant.
[Report This]Date: March 26 2014 9:51 PM Title: Chapter 28: Reunion
Yep just like I thought. Sometimes the most predictable action is the best one to follow
[Report This]Date: February 17 2014 9:09 PM Title: Chapter 27: Scout's Honor
Gonna make Ramsay and kiri's reunion ackward
Date: February 17 2014 3:00 PM Title: Chapter 1: Lost
Hmm, I wonder if his friends will have an encounter with Kiri, it would be interesting.
[Report This]Date: December 12 2013 4:35 PM Title: Chapter 25: Alpha
Count me as an Alaster fan and I shall be sated for awhile, though good luck to him dragging Lemere's unconcious body around.
Author's Response:
They will return thier stories not over yet.
[Report This]Date: December 12 2013 10:17 AM Title: Chapter 24: Will
Welcome back my friend.
i I look foward to the next instalment you post
Author's Response:
Thanks for the support my next chapter is coming soon.
Date: November 26 2013 9:17 PM Title: Chapter 23: Discussion
you can count me as fan #7!! great story so far I just hope you are able to keep it going.
[Report This]Date: October 24 2013 3:40 PM Title: Chapter 23: Discussion
Started the first chapter this morning on a whim, here I am in the evening polishing off chapter 23 and disappointed I'm out of story! I know you joke about five fans, well you can bump it up to six now.
Author's Response:
Six FANS! I've finally made it to the big leagues. Sincerely though it is always nice to have a new reader who takes the time to comment even once. Thank You.
Date: October 24 2013 6:13 AM Title: Chapter 23: Discussion
Comment no. 40!
Glad to see another chapter of this story again I was wondering how you would proceed after you had your main character (who's name escapes me at the moment) get transported to some random location, looks like u opted for using the opportunity to check up on other contestants, a good choice. I hope to see your next chapter soon!!!
Author's Response:
His name is Ramsey but who cares! What's he done but fail?! The new main character is Alaster the northern barbarian yeah. Lets watch him single handly bring the amazon's to heel by showing them the strength of a real man AAARRGGHH! If you haven't figured out I'm being sarcastic we'll return to our main protagonists soon....ish.
Date: September 16 2013 2:24 PM Title: Chapter 22: Flames
Things are progressing nicely my friend. At the moment I don't have anything else to say
Author's Response:
You having nothing to write is kind of bittersweet in my opinion.
Date: September 16 2013 10:10 AM Title: Chapter 22: Flames
That was intense, but you did warn me.
To bad Ramsey and Kiri got separated again. But It's great that it is not close to the end.
Author's Response:
Yeah there seperated again! I'm starting to wonder if they'll ever have time to just hang out and talk and be partners and stuff....probably not.
Date: September 12 2013 10:13 PM Title: Chapter 21: Confrontation
Comments: With good details, and not laying all the info of the fight out in one swift chapter but expanding it into multiple chapters shows how much you have grown as a writer.
Qusitions: Also does Kiri have a weapon? Or is she more of the opportunist, one that makes due with what she has on hand.
Suggestions: consider moving the point of view to other contestants to show how they're doing. Either with getting one of the statues, or fighting for one with another contestant. It's a challenge to figure out exactly when and where to shift it but i feel it is necessary since, as you said, everyone has a stake in this.
It is also a good way to show off each character's skill and fighting styles. The need to fight each other anyway in order to win the tournament so don't be afraid to have a couple lose in the first round. They don't all have to fight Kiri and Ramsey after all. (though it's an understandable fact that Dixie and Dora would. Even in such an early round)
As always all suggestions are optional. Never write a single chapter of a story exactly the way a critic and/or a fan tell you to. At the end of the day IT'S YOUR STORY!!! And as long as you are happy with it nothing else matters.
Author's Response:
First to answer your question Kiri usually uses a staff or spear like when she first appeared. The reason she's going hand to hand is because she is trying to adapt the techniques she learned from Celina.
Second I don't think I'm not writing this for myself. I just try to take criticism into account. You seem to have more experience as an author so it would be foolish of me not to at least consider it when you point out possible flaws it helps make the story better. As always thank you for the inciteful comments and support.
Author's Response:
First to answer your question Kiri usually uses a staff or spear like when she first appeared. The reason she's going hand to hand is because she is trying to adapt the techniques she learned from Celina.
Second I don't think I'm not writing this for myself. I just try to take criticism into account. You seem to have more experience as an author so it would be foolish of me not to at least consider it when you point out possible flaws it helps make the story better. As always thank you for the inciteful comments and support.
Date: September 12 2013 10:05 PM Title: Chapter 21: Confrontation
Nice action chapter, but it was a ruined when Dixie and Doratea came. They end the fight with ease.
Glad that you were able to get this chapter out so fast.
Author's Response:
Don't worry the fights not even over.
Author's Response:
Don't worry the fights not even over.
Date: September 11 2013 11:17 PM Title: Chapter 20: Partners
This isn't a good place to stop my friend. The best place to stop and create a part two is possibly the finals or quarterfinals and only if there is some hidden surprise that ties into the story to make it longer, one that shifts the focus from the competition to something bigger and far more important.
By the way I feel as if you have weakened Dawn's charter development a lot,instead of being a cool headed independent sorceress she is now some helpless brat that just gawks as her mistress. Also elves are known for their inhuman speed she shouldn't have gottenen caught that easily....of course you seem to be the type to break sterotypes so whatever, if you don't want to go that route the consider what kinda build dawn possesses is thin and flexible, capable of quick reactions and movements of is she closer to the bulkier type of elf that more destructive power...the point I am trying to make is that she need to have some weapons besides spells to get herself out of situations like that, alone and without help.
Whith that out of the way please keep up the good work the action is rising right now!!!
Author's Response:
Thank you for the incite. I can also understand your complaint about Dawn. I couldn't think of any other way to show of Cassandra's personality considering she is a pretty new character but don't worry Dawn is no pushover. I chalk it up to my inexperience and will try to aviod such pitfalls in the future. I hope you continue to post advice, or your opinion, or even critism it's all good.
Date: September 11 2013 9:28 PM Title: Chapter 20: Partners
I think you should complete the story and later on make a sequel. This story starting to get exciting.
Ramsey and Kiri and evolving as characters and becoming close. And the other characters are developing great also.
I'm glad you reached your goal of 20 chapters, but I think you should set a long term goal for completion of this awesome story.
Author's Response:
Thank you for the advice. I just know as a reader on this site it is pretty intimidating to take on a story with a lot of chapter. But I guess the people who are reading my story have been reading from the begining and I might be worrying for nothing.
Date: September 06 2013 10:58 PM Title: Chapter 19: Morning
Ramsey and Kiri are reunited, I like their chemistr.
Nice chapter though can't for more since the just got into the arena, also have stronger competition.
Date: September 06 2013 1:30 PM Title: Chapter 19: Morning
I like your story my friend but i feel like giving you a few suggestions :
1. The stereotype for mystical forest is that the underbrush and plant life are alive and kills everyone. Though this is your story I ask you to please think outside the box. What make a story good arewhat the readers don't see comming. Ask your self what kind of creatures would give even amazons trouble? Something that would make them rely on their smaller partner.
2. Though the ideal of the world is strength isn't everything there are times when might is the the only thing one can rely on. Sometimes savage brute strength saves the day.
3. There is more than one type of strength. every amazon boast their physical superiority over people but what about intellengence? The only amazon is I feel is well versed in stragaties is Ramsey's old teacher. Show some of the amazon's other strengths and skill that none of their fellows can master give each amizonian contestant their own style.
Sorry if you feel as if I'm forcing my way on your story but this is how I feel....and....you don't really have to listen to me. Anyway can't wait till your next chapter
Author's Response:
Wow! Thanks for these suggestions. The first one has been the idea all along. I've been trying to make the forest dangerous with the inclusion of the razor backs and the rage beast all the way back in the second chapter. Maybe I need to make that more apparent. The last two suggestions are where the meat is I try to make each team diffrent so it's only natural that they have different skill sets. I'll have a lot of thinking to do before I write the next chapter. If you have anymore suggestions I'm open to them and that goes for anyone.
Date: August 27 2013 1:15 PM Title: Chapter 18: Night
Yes more Ramsey in this chapter, with a little side story.
Really good chapter and the story moving along great.
Awesome can't wait for more, and hopefully its mostly about Ramsey.
Author's Response:
More Ramsey, more Kiri, more everybody basically.
Date: August 25 2013 9:13 PM Title: Chapter 17: Matriarchs
Yeah it was a bit of a change throwing in the other characters.
It was interesting but I still like reading about Ramsey and Kiri.
But nice chapter.
Author's Response:
I try to keep focus on Kiri and Ramsey as they are the main character but sometimes you have to focus on others to create a more fleshed-out world. Don't worry focus will shift back on them soon.