Reviewer: newschool2626 Signed [Report This]
Date: January 29 2013 5:56 PM Title: An Evil Delight

Things to work on.

Character development. Who is the Elvin Enchantress and this random guy who showed up to her door? Who are her slaves?

Explaining what's going on. What is the legend of the elvin enchantress? Where did she get her powers? Is this set in Middle Earth or something, or is it modern day times with elves?

Stuff outside of your shrunken torture moments. I think you could possibly take a little more time with the torture and what the tiny man experiences, but overall it's still good. What you need to work on though is BUILDING UP TO IT. Those moments are great, but you've got to set the reader up for it. You've got to build an anticipation, so it's so much more gratifying when it finally happens. By the end of paragraph 2, the guy we were just introduced to has already shrunk, by the start of paragraph 4, his torture starts, and then his torture is kind of complete by the end of that same paragraph. Slow down. Take your time.