[Report This]Date: September 02 2012 9:07 PM Title: Unsettling Answers
Then, I'm off to read about Zack's condition.
[Report This]Date: September 02 2012 9:04 PM Title: At Amber's Mercy
This just keeps getting better and better. :-)
[Report This]Date: September 02 2012 9:00 PM Title: Zack's Decision
One might even say that Amber is "shoe" in for a big surprise.
;-)
[Report This]Date: September 02 2012 8:56 PM Title: The Horror Continues
What's a "bastrad?"
Author's Response:
D'oh! Should sat "bastard" I'll try to fix it soon.
[Report This]Date: September 02 2012 12:22 AM Title: Into the Mind of Jessica
A couple things:
1) The journal idea is pretty great (haven't seen that before, although it's the kind of trick you'd think must be common around here). It does feel a little out of place here--like some irresistible digression you just had to take. You could use that 'journal' device for a separate story, maybe (I wouldn't mind doing something like that myself);
2) Not clumsy at all, if that's what you meant. While I'm interested in following you into the next chapter, where those questions you've posed in the endnotes will (I hope) be answered, the sum of Jessica's journaling doesn't really make me interested in her as Jessica, or as a real person. I know what she did, but for me the lingering impression is of an empty-headed, oblivious girl whose experiences one day just happened to be a little 'weird' and out of the ordinary. You could actually strengthen and intensify her personality, and humanize her, by adding into the journal some reflections, fears and desires, dotted lines, etc. What kind of person she thinks she is is just as important to me as what you tell me she is.
But all in all I like this kind of stuff. Keep going, man.
Author's Response:
Actually right after I posted this I came up with an idea to begin explaining why Jessica just charged headlong into the feelings her dreams gave her, so I just edited it accordingly. I tend to edit a lot as i come up with ideas and realize it conflicts with something I said earlier. I like Jessica and am trying to develop her character more, I have a partial chapter with her opening up to Amber and decided to come back to this real quick to set up a portion of that dialogue. I'm pretty sure part of the journal (at the end) brings her into a more humanized person, at least somewhat more sympathetic.
[Report This]Date: August 31 2012 3:39 PM Title: The Fate of Zack
Have the girls keep the stepbrother as a pet and make him be their slave. Like foot massages and worshiping
Author's Response:
I pretty much have a plan for the stepbrother, I don't wanna give too much away on that front but stay tuned! What I'm trying to decide is what to do with Zack, should I leave him dead? Or should i revive him in either occasional seperate chapters or his own spin-off? right now I'm leaning towards a spin-off but I'd like to know what others would like to see.
[Report This]Date: August 30 2012 2:41 PM Title: The Horror Continues
"Hopefully, I can...pound out chapter four soon."
We'll hold you to that. ;-)
[Report This]Date: August 30 2012 2:33 PM Title: Looking for answers
After all that, and they're still unaware of him? How self-involved can teenage girls get? ;-)
[Report This]Date: June 08 2012 10:27 AM Title: The Nightmare Begins
Much better, dude. And, I think I get the significance of the cookies. They make the shrunken one indestructible!
Only chapter 2 will tell me whether or not I'm right. ;-)
Date: June 05 2012 5:59 AM Title: The Nightmare Begins
Very nice story u got going here, hope to see an update soon, lol. U definetly got a follower.
Rhino
[Report This]Date: June 04 2012 8:43 AM Title: The Nightmare Begins
Separating the character dialogue from the narrative text is a MUST if you want the reader count to go up. So, I would strongly recommend re-editing chapter 1 before you start plotting chapter 2.
Author's Response: Thank you for the advice, I'll try to take care of that this afternoon!