Reviewer: Toothpasted Signed [Report This]
Date: October 06 2024 12:55 AM Title: Chapter 24 - Peaceful

This was a great story, you should definitely continue or even start a new one. I love gentle and humiliation/teasing stories and you have a great expressive style of both of those genres. Big fan, can’t wait for more.

Author's Response:

Thanks a lot, I appreciate it! I'll be working more on this one, and also making new stories, whenever I come up with something. 

I love the same type of stories, and I really wanted to add one of my own, just to have more gentle/embarassment that I can't always find in too many stories on here. :)

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed [Report This]
Date: October 05 2024 8:21 AM Title: Chapter 23 - Forgiveness

 I was really hyped for this, and you didn't disappoint!

I love how Emily's first reaction is to be worried that Jordan is at school. It makes perfectly clear how much she cares about him, just in case anyone still had lingering doubts. She wasn't just loneliness that made her want to keep Jordan; It was having Jordan specifically close to her that made her want to keep him. Yeah, her loneliness was clearly a factor, but I don't think she would have done what she did if it had been some random tiny person she had in a cage She probably would have helped them right away, no questions asked. So yeah, I though her reaction here fit her character extremely well!

Jordan having Alice put him in the palm of Emily's hand was a fucking power move! There's no way to better show that you trust and forgive someone than that, putting yourself at their mercy (okay, Alice was there to jump in if anything went wrong, but still!) and displaying confidence that they won't take advantage of it. And Emily responds by actually turning out to be the vulnerable one here! Hand trembling, voice almost a whisper. The hesitancy in her dialogue here. Despite literally being in the palm of Emily's hand, Jordan is the one in control here. That this was her response to Jordan being there leaves no doubt of her remorse for her actions.

I thought Alice might empathize with Emily's loneliness, and it was beautiful to see. All of Alice's hostility toward Emily up to this point set her up for this sweet moment here, where she tells Emily that she deserves another chance. And Emily's reaction is heartbreaking. She doesn't deserve friends? Holy shit, that's sad to hear her say. Alice saying it's going to take some time for her to fully trust Emily makes a lot of sense, and I was glad that Alice didn't let her totally off the hook just like that, but man, it was a nice moment to see Alice comforting her like she did at the end of the segment.

“Well, at least give me some points for originality here. I mean, I didn’t end up in one of those generic scenarios where the tiny gets separated from a friend and then found by some random stranger, now did I?”

Oof! you got me here! Ha!

I have to be honest, I didn't think the water nozzle was going to come up again. I was sure Jordan was taking that to the grave! But he slipped up, and I love how that was a unifying moment for Alice and Emily. When Emily grabbed him from the back of the shirt, I was a bit worried that Alice was going to overreact and snatch Jordan from her, but I love how they teamed up on him instead. The visual of him hanging there in front of their faces as they playfully coax the story out of him is a great one, too! Not only that, but I love how Jordan doesn't actually seem the least bit uncomfortable hanging from Emily's fingertips. This conversation played out like three regular-sized friends walking down the hall, two of them teasing the third until he "spilled the beans."

I liked their reaction to the story, too. The horror on their faces showed that they deeply empathized with Jordan, but they had to laugh at the absurdity of it, too. And, of course, now that Alice is feeling that relief and not scared for him, she's going to bring this up again in the future. I also love how Emily knew exactly what he was talking about when he mentioned that look from Maria.

The emphasis that Emily is part of the group now at the very end was a good way to end the chapter. I was so happy for Emily that she finally found friends and that they were already bonding so much. What a wonderful closing thought.

Author's Response:

I really wanted Emily to show that she felt remorseful for what she did, but not only that. The fact that she thinks she doesn't deserve friends and that she's a terrible person, she had a lot of pent up feelings that caused her to distance herself from people at school, but now she finally has two friends willing to get her out of that hole. I also didn't want Alice to just trust her right away, it'll probably come up somewhere again, maybe between a private moment or for a story scenario where Alice has to depend on Emily for something.

Hahaha, listen no, that dialogue wasn't a slight on you there! It's just a very common scenario that happens at school in stories so I had to make fun of it in general (I had these chapters finished several days ago so it wasnt a recent addition, I swear). And while you used that scenario too, you did something cool with it. I guess if I went through with something like that, I would have used Brynne for that in the way you used Ada there. :)

Oh, Jordan definitely messed up on accidentally letting the nozzle bit slip, that was something he never wanted to come to light, but I also loved the visual idea of two huge faces looming over him while he's helplessly dangling in the air, forced to tell his most humiliating ordeal from those last two days. But like you said, they were talking and laughing about it like friends, it was now a funny thing to bring them closer together and I liked that fact. While they're both willing to tease him a bit using their size over him, he has no issue with it since he trusts them both.

Oh, Emily knows that look well and she very likely got it from Maria herself since she lost Molly's 'pet', though that was a fact I quite honestly forgot to add to the chapter or the next one. I'll make up for it by adding it somewhere though. As usual, thanks for the review! The next chapter will be the very last one for this story arc and then I'll have to take some time to write the next one.

Reviewer: Toothpasted Signed [Report This]
Date: October 04 2024 3:32 PM Title: Chapter 22 - Incident

Love this story, really great gentle work. Would love more chapters like this one or the humiliation one with Emily’s mom. Keep up the great stuff

Author's Response:

Thanks so much! I love gentle stories and I'm glad it hits the right spot for some people :)

While this story arc is coming to a close, I'll try to add some embarassing moments in the next one.

Reviewer: EchoofZen Signed [Report This]
Date: October 03 2024 9:19 PM Title: Chapter 22 - Incident

More talk about Emily being rOnErY again. Who cares about the complete lack of human decency and empathy? It's OK, she might have felt bad about it LATER.

Alice also needs to step up her game and stop being an idiot.


Author's Response:

Emily always knew what she did wasn't right in the moment, and she probably would have let Jordan go not long after, once she calmed down and realized what she was doing.

Unfortunately for her, Alice and Leila came to free him before she could correct her own mistake. And well, we're going for the wholesome approach here. :)

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed [Report This]
Date: October 01 2024 11:16 PM Title: Chapter 20 - More Catching Up

Whoops! I was so into all the story that happened since then that I completely forgot about the story of how Jordan and Alice met way back in chapter one. Still, I think it was a good time to bring that up again in the previous chapter, as, like you said, it's a good reminder for people like me! Of course, it did also set the tone for everything that's come after it, including this chapter here, even for those that did remember.

You also said you're concerned about the "catching up" chapters boring your readers, and I'll admit I've had the same concerns for several things in my own story, so I get where you're coming from. But, for me at least, I love this, and I was actually pretty stoked to see the title of this chapter. It would have been easy to relegate all the catching up to a segment divide, all taking place "off screen" (I've done that a few times, too!), but I genuinely wanted to see Alice's reactions to each thing that happened to Jordan, even before Leila and she saved him. And these last two chapters haven't disappointed.

Not to mention that Alice is exactly right; it does almost feel like Alice is getting to experience all this with him, given the emotional highs and lows she's going through at hearing his story. 

But what I like most about Jordan telling Alice his story is the organic form it's taking, especially in this chapter. That line, "I saw you, you know," felt like a natural thing for Jordan to say there, rather than just a device to keep rehashing the past through his storytelling. It was compelling, as was Alice's reaction to finding out that Jordan had been there when she was crying in the forest, so close yet impossibly far away at the same time. But the whole thing was framed as a realistic conversation two close friends might have, rather than "and then ... and then ... and then ..." which is really appreciated!

Alice apologizing for things that aren't really her fault is so incredibly sweet of her. Honestly, I thought she might scold him a little bit for recklessly grabbing her ankle strap, but I love that she almost seemed to feel how hopeless that moment seemed for him instead, like she understood why he did it in the first place.

And, of course, her own abandonment issues made the thought of making Jordan feel that way unbearable for her. Yeah, she didn't know he was there, but, in her mind, she could very well be comparing it to how her parents didn't notice her during the divorce, which probably makes Jordan's words of comfort sting even more, hence the emotional line from her: "I'm sorry you felt so helpless ... that I wasn't there when you needed me." And that's probably why Jordan telling her that he never felt abandoned, that he knew she'd always come looking for him, pulled her out of that emotional spiral.

I'm also loving all the little reminders that Leila is going to steal something from Alice's apartment before she gets back to the village. It's a nice bit of comic relief amongst all the emotions floating around.

With the way Alice was fascinated with the idea of little people hiding in the forest before, her excitement and awe at hearing Jordan describe the village makes so much sense. Every word Jordan says in the second segment here seems to have Alice on the edge of her seat, and I really enjoy that whimsical sense of adventure and discovery we get just from reading her thoughts after merely being told all this. It makes me really want Alice to be able to see it all for herself (preferably without having to get tiny like Jordan, but even that might be cool in its own way).

And with that thought, seeing Alice's reaction to learning about Elsie, as well as the comparison between the two of them in terms of how they view each other's worlds, makes my hope that they actually meet even stronger. Alice's immediate empathy for Elsie's situation, being unable to explore the world she's so eager to see, was so heartwarming. I also think her happiness at Jordan being able to meet someone like Elsie during his time separated from her is likely at least partially rooted in the thought that Elsie is at least a little bit like her, so it's almost like he had a little bit of her around him even when she had to leave him behind.

Lastly, I really like the little touches you put into scenes, like Alice setting Jordan down on her lap after holding him between her fingers for most of the chapter. I'm big about having my characters actually doing things when they're talking, as opposed to standing still with the sole purpose of delivering dialogue (there's nothing wrong with that, but I enjoy the more realistic approach of the world not stopping as they're talking), so I love those little touches. It was also cute to envision her setting Jordan down on her lap!

Author's Response:

I can't blame you for forgetting, it was only mentioned in the intro and after that, it was just kind of an afterthought until it was a good time to bring it up again as to explain why Alice was home alone.

Glad to hear the catch-up chapters were something you enjoyed reading! It was definitely a bit of a concern of mine that people might be bored reading about events that happened already, but I did really want the two to get each other up to speed as well. I think I enjoyed that a lot more than just skipping all the exposition and moving on right away.

I did consider Alice maybe scolding him, but I think she just felt too awful about not even noticing him near her feet to even consider how reckless that was (she probably would have done the same thing if things were reversed) Also, I think she could completely understand where he was coming from, going out of his way to try to stay with her.

Alice might just get to see the village for herself sooner or later! But I'll be honest that I haven't fully worked out how to approach that event yet when I get around to that. Who's going to tag along with Jordan to visit the village, who's staying big? It's still a mystery, even to me. But I have really been wanting for Alice to meet Elsie one way or another, since they're similar and would definitely get along.

I definitely enjoy interaction during conversation. I have no doubt you probably noticed, people in this story love holding tinies inbetween her fingers, it's a favorite of mine. But putting them on a shoulder or lap is just as great. :)

Reviewer: BB9909 Signed [Report This]
Date: September 30 2024 2:26 PM Title: Chapter 14 - Captured

I like the way this story is going. I hope you would post  pictures of all your characters too. just to have a mental image of how the character look like. you can maybe choose a celebrity image and also could mention a movie or Tv show  of them to know how they act and talk and all. I might be wrong but I think when a writer write a story they kind of having people in real life to helpe shaping the characters in their stories.  

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review! There's only a few stories on here typically that post images of characters. Personally, I'd rather just leave it up to the reader's imagination. I definitely did have some faces in mind for most characters but that might not be how readers want to imagine them. :)

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed [Report This]
Date: September 29 2024 5:11 AM Title: Chapter 18 - Reunion

So yeah, the reunion lived up to the hype!

I love how emotional Alice is at seeing Jordan again! Her being on the verge of tears of joy throughout the chapter is so endearing! And that the moment we see a few of those tears escape is when Jordan slips back into their old routine is absolutely perfect!

Normally I'm not big into the "little guy" trope (there's nothing wrong with it, but I feel like it's overused), but it works really well here. It's sort of a friendly teasing and a sign of affection at the same time now that Alice knows it's Jordan that's in her hand. It just feels different the way that Alice uses it here.

Back to Jordan and his slipping back into their old rapport together, it was a nice touch to let him have that moment of disorientation, those few seconds where his relief and happiness clash with his embarrassment and sense of vulnerability, only to have him get over it because it's Alice and offer her the comfort of their usual banter. In a way, he took control of the situation there, and I love that.

I also enjoyed the culmination of his quickly formed bond with Leila at the start of the chapter. That "trust jump" into Alice's waiting hands was the perfect way to show how much his thoughts about Leila have changed. He's moved by her effort to help him, and he has come to trust the person that did this to him like he would the closest of friends. It would have been really hard to see this moment happening even if you had told us outright back in the earlier chapters that it was coming, but it felt so natural here.

I also appreciate a little touch you put in this chapter. It may not seem like much, but noting that Alice adjusted her hands slightly to ensure Leila and Jordan's comfort is one of those moments that make gentle stories so great, at least to me. That she was so considerate that she wanted to make sure they were comfortable, even as the night air was chilling her a bit, and that she can offer them that comfort with such a simple, casual movement of her hands ... I can't quite explain it, but it's just so gratifying to read, and it makes me think the world of Alice. Well done!

I like that Jordan went to bat for Emily. We saw that he was empathizing with her and wanted to help her despite everything in the last chapter, but for him to calm Alice down and tell her that Emily, the person that literally just tried to keep him as a pet, isn't a bad person shows how serious he is about this. That him doing this calmed Alice down show that, deep down, she knows he's right, even if she's too pissed to acknowledge it at the moment (and understandably so!).

Emily calling out to them, apologizing and begging them not to hate her was fucking heartbreaking! Like I said in my last review, she knew what she was doing was wrong, and I still say she didn't really want to do it but felt like she had to, like this was her only chance to have a friend (and, again, maybe a lover; I'm still pushing that crush theory!). So I feel like her apology is 100 percent sincere, rather than just coming because she got caught and didn't have what she wanted anymore. And despite what she did, I do hope there are better times ahead for her.

 Back to Alice, I like that she thought about whether Leila wanted to go back to her village right away. That also had to be comforting for Leila to hear. Even if she trusts Alice completely, I'm sure there's some voice in the back of her brain yelling at her that this human is going to try to keep her. So Alice offering to take her back to the forest so that she could go home surely gave her a sense of relief and ensure that her trust in Alice was well placed.

I think this also feeds into Leila's feelings at the end of the chapter. She's so happy to see the two friends finally reunited (after no doubt feeling like shit after realizing how painful their separation was), but she also considers the risk she took in trusting Alice. I'm just glad she decided that the risk was worth the reward.

Jordan really is a smooth talker. Even if he doesn't mean to be. It was so touching for him to tell her that he's finally okay because he's with her. Her reaction was great, too. Overcome with emotion and just barely able to keep those feelings at bay with a few more teasing words. And them telling themselves that they missed each other so much, what a wonderful moment!

Another minor piece of constructive criticism (unless I missed something, which is a strong possibility): I wasn't sure how exactly Alice came to know that Emily was knowingly keeping Jordan as a pet. Maybe Jordan explained the situation telepathically to Leila before the rescue? I don't recall seeing anything like that, but maybe it was done "off screen." If I didn't miss anything, the story would have benefited from a sentence or two explaining this before Alice got upset about it.

But again, this is fairly minor in the grand scheme of things. A (potential) inconsistency in the story. It doesn't take away from how great this chapter is in the least!

Finally, am I the only one that was left wondering how Emily is going to explain to Molly and Maria how she lost her little sister's new pet?

Author's Response:

I'm glad the reunion lived up to expectations! I was worried it wasn't impactful enough or too casual but I really did want them go ease back into their banter after a moment of doubt since they're best friends and well, even if Jordan is a bit embarassed and scared, he still knows it's Alice, so he manages to get himself together to joke around a bit, with some help from Leila.

 The whole 'little guy' thing I can agree on that it's used a lot but I do love using it, whether it's for playful teasing or when they don't know what else to call the shrunken person.

Alice is the kind of person that's willing to put others before herself, especially when it comes to Jordan. She's not entirely selfless and has her own needs but she's definitely the nurturing and protective type, which she's shown several times before.

Emily definitely knew all along she was in the wrong, but seeing Alice stare at her angrily actually brought it home to her that she messed up badly, and she fears she'll be by herself again, and hated by the two friends.

I can explain how Alice knew what was up. Leila told Alice in chapter 16 that Maria and Molly were bringing Jordan back with them to keep as a pet, so she was at least aware of that part. And since Leila rescued him from Emily's room, while Emily never bothered to contact Alice, she pretty much put two and two together that Emily was keeping him. Maybe I could have shown Alice piecing it together or Leila keeping her updated through telepathic communication in this latest chapter but I wasn't sure how to keep the event flowing naturally since there wasn't that much time for discussion since they had to get out of there. But the information was laid out for her so I hope that still makes sense that she knows!

And finally, since the story isn't told from Emily's POV during this part, we're left wondering what she's going through right now and how she'll tell her family what happened (she might make up an excuse or something), though that's certainly something I can add somewhere. I appreciate the detailed review, as always!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed [Report This]
Date: September 28 2024 7:40 AM Title: Chapter 17 - Hope

If I'm being honest, I didn't expect Emily to figure things out so quickly, although I did think it was possible that she might do so eventually. I know how observant she was being was highlighted at the end of the previous chapter, but she didn't waste any time putting the pieces together, did she?

It makes sense, though, especially after she explained it. She's envy of the relationship that Jordan and Alice have, but she clearly cares about both of them (I mean, she outright said she cares about Jordan). She's someone I could see watching people like them closely, picking up their habits from a distance. This could come off as creepy, but given what we know about Emily, that vibe didn't come off too strongly for me here. I think Jordan's first reaction to this being sympathy and a bit of curiosity helped in this regard.

Also, the suggestion that she's actually crushing on Jordan (at least that's how I read this chapter) explains a lot about her. Surely Alice and Jordan aren't the only close friends in Emily's general orbit, let along the only boy and girl who are friends. So what makes them so special that she's jealous of their relationship? It looks like the answer may be Jordan. Her picking up on his foot fetish and being willing to use it to try and make him happy seems to indicate as much, anyway.

But what made this chapter work so well is the way you covered the conflict that Emily is going through. Seeing as how both segments are told strictly from Jordan's perspective, that couldn't have been easy to do. But noting the desperation in her eyes, the mixture of affection and sadness in her voice, and how Jordan related to the pain he felt being separated from Alice for a day to what Emily goes through every day, it's easy to understand where Emily is coming from. Not only that, but it's clear that she knows what she's doing is wrong, that she doesn't want to do it, but she feels like she has to if she's ever going to get that connection that she wants, whether that involves any semblance of romance or just pure friendship.

Another part of her behavior showing that Emily is fighting with herself over this is when she put him on her foot. She outright declared that Jordan is her little pet, her "special companion," now whether he like it or not, but at the same time, she's trying to entice him to accept this. She's not keeping Jordan out of an interest in tinies or a lust for power over another person; she's doing it because she wants what Alice and Jordan have. She wants him to be happy with her. She doesn't want to force him to be with her; she wants him to choose it. He just needs to be forced into it for the moment, in her mind. She's doing what she can to make him come around, to ease her guilt over what she's doing. They can both be happy with this arrangement, right?

Ironically, while I think Jordan following Leila's advice and playing along is exactly what his character would do, I actually think that him showing Emily how miserable and hopeless he feels about the prospect of being stuck like this forever, of being nothing more than her little "pet" (I don't think she meant this in a derogatory way or even by the standard definition), might be the fastest way to get out of this situation. Like I said above, she wants him to be happy. If she realized how much her decision was hurting him emotionally, I don't think it would take her long to come around. 

Of course, Emily isn't thinking things through. Like Jordan said, emotions are clouding her judgment.

For one thing, she doesn't seem to realize that Jordan is actually Molly's pet, not hers. Emily is just keeping watch over him because Molly is too young for having responsibility over something so frail. But Maria is surely going to let Molly handle her pet again, I'm sure. I bet the first time this happens would be almost as nerve-wracking for Emily as it would be for Jordan. Seeing her kid sister carelessly handle her friend and likely crush would scare the shit out of her, I'd think. It wouldn't take much for an accident to happen, then no more Jordan. And even if she trusts Molly to be careful, Emily has to know that Jordan will never be happy being Molly's pet, that he'll always be scared, annoyed, and probably nauseous every time Molly gets time with him.

Another thing she's not thinking about is Alice. She's so upset at Jordan asking for Alice that she's putting aside the fact that she feels bad that Alice is going through this, as we saw a couple chapters back. How would Emily feel the first time she goes back to school and sees a distraught Alice suffering because her best friend, the person that she loves but doesn't fully realize it yet, is missing. Emily would feel like shit!

So yeah, I do think that Emily might well do the right thing on her own at some point. But there might be a confrontation with Alice before that happens, which could also be interesting. So I'm still left questioning what happens next!

Lastly, I want to point out how good a dude Jordan is. I didn't mention it in my last review, but holy shit did I love Jordan volunteering to save the youngling and trying to steal something from the big world for Elsie, reckless though it was. He has a good heart and is exactly the type of main character you want to root for (and the type of guy to have girls like Alice and Emily pining for him).

I bring that up now because the way Jordan is handling this Emily situation is incredible. It would be so easy to hate Emily for what she's doing, to think that this is the reason why she doesn't have any friends or other mean thoughts. Instead, he empathizes with her, understands where she's coming from. He even feels a little guilty despite not doing anything wrong. He hates that she feels so lonely, and despite her trying to straight up keep him for herself, he's still swearing that he's going to make an effort to keep her from feeling this way if he ever gets his size back. What a great guy!

So yeah, another excellent chapter! I'm glad you decided to give Emily so many layers, as she could have easily just been a one-dimensional, "now you're mine, insert evil cackle" type character. So thanks for fleshing her out so much!

Author's Response:

Emily definitely didn't waste any time. She had been around since the start, seeing Alice all by herself and watching her get flustered when she had lost Jordan from her grip. And then of course, her mom finding this tiny human-like creature in that same park. I wanted her to be the one to figure it out, because she had always watched Jordan from a distance and observed everything he did, to an obsessive point almost, that it made sense to me that Emily would be the one that could, where even Jordan's best friend or anyone else could not. Alice had never even considered that the tiny creature could be Jordan because she couldn't imagine him like that, even though the clues like his first letter from his name or his hair color, were right there. But Emily was more willing to consider the possibility and was able to see the similarities between Jordan and this weird little pet.

She might just have an untold crush that she never considered, but in her mind she really just wants a close friend by her side, and she's so lonesome that she's not thinking clearly and actually willing to keep him like this just so she won't have to be alone again. I wanted her to do something that's considered terrible, keeping a person as a pet, but for a reason people might be able to relate to, or maybe might even consider doing the same thing in her situation. That brings me back to my first reply that I didn't want her to be outright malicious in the generic *you're mine and I can do whatever I want to you, evil smirk* way like you said, just a lonely person doing what she feels she has to even if it's not entirely right (not that most of us on this site would probably complain in Jordan's position but hey)

I think Emily isn't really thinking about anyone or considering how they might be feeling, especially Alice whom she's grown really jealous of. Which is of course, really ironic when you think about it, but people do drastic things when they're in a bad place. Of course she'll probably feel bad about it later, but right now she just wants to have a friend or companion, no matter what it takes.

I'm glad you think of Jordan that way! I didn't want him to be entirely perfect or flawless. While he did pick up on Emily's behavior at school, as mentioned in one of the early chapters, he never actually went up to her to see what's up, which puts him in his current position, maybe because he was insecure or didn't think it necessary.  And he also didn't think to tell Alice about the creature before he ran off, or not going back to Leila with the youngling and putting himself in danger. He has his moments of pure recklessness or bad decision making, but he does always want to do the right thing, even if he's a bit clueless, about his own certain interests no less. Now that I think about it, I had to go back and refresh my memory, but Duncan didn't even know why he got excited at first either. I guess there's no better way to realize your kink than getting shrunk and having to face it head-on.

As always, I appreciate the insight! Fleshing out characters in a way that makes them not purely good or bad without reason is something I'd like to keep around in every story, that just makes things more interesting (though if anyone expressed interest in a giantess with actual bad intentions, I'd consider it)   

Reviewer: Macroscope Signed [Report This]
Date: September 27 2024 10:13 PM Title: Chapter 1 - Family

Aww, I love this story. It's so cute and heartwarming... I can't help but sympathize with all of the characters. That's not something every story achieves.

The only point of criticism I can think of is that the stakes don't feel as high as they should be at this point in the story. Like, earlier it was genuinely upsetting to see Alice's heart being broken, which creates narrative tension-- Jordan wants to reassure her, to let her know it's him, but can't for fear of dooming himself. But that has been resolved now that the truth is mostly out. The main point of tension remaining is that Emily is now keeping our little guy captive, but it's not like there's any real danger that she'll hurt him or anything, nor is there a time constraint or anything of that nature. It feels like an inevitability that he'll be rescued, because what could really go wrong at this point?

Still, I look forward to the next chapters! It's been a really riveting read so far. I genuinely find myself rooting for a pleasant ending for all of these kids, even Emily.

Author's Response:

Thanks a lot, that's high praise! I'm glad all the characters can make you feel something for them, I was hoping they wouldn't be one-dimensional or unrelatable.

And you're right, at this point of the current story there's just a few more things to work out. I figured that since Jordan had already been through so much after shrinking, I did want to eventually aim for that happy ending and tie up loose ends instead of throwing him into more hopeless situations one after another just stretch out the story. While I did want to add narrative tension and drama, especially at the start, it's also a gentle coming-of-age story about two people finding each other through a weird situation. At least, that's what I had in mind for this first story. If you have any suggestions how I could have done it differently or added something, I'd love to hear it and I always appreciate constructive criticism! It'll definitely help out with my writing for future scenarios.

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed [Report This]
Date: September 26 2024 10:11 PM Title: Chapter 16 - Realization

This story has been a lot of fun so far!

As other reviews have mentioned, the basic concept for the story, that aware but unaware "I have a secret" concept is a great draw. From the moment Jordan became tiny and androgynous, the anticipation for the moment when Alice comes to know the truth has been building, making the reader yearn for it.

Not only that, but using this concept to frame a love story has the added benefit of another great concept: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Alice and Jordan have taken each other for granted, dismissing their feelings for each other because of their friendship and assuming the other would always be there. We see a little bit of this in this latest chapter, when Alice recalls how little attention she paid when Jordan left her side just before shrinking, too wrapped up in her phone and news of her favorite band to divert her full attention to what he was doing.

Seeing Alice agonize over Jordan's abrupt disappearance is heartbreaking but necessary for her to come to terms with how she really feels. The same is true for Jordan. From recklessly chasing after her when she had to leave the park to him telling Elsie about Alice, he's coming to understand how he feels about her as well.

Not to mention how fucking adorable their interaction was when Jordan tried to steal that chocolate from her as Leila demanded. It was incredibly cute just how much Jordan cared about not disappointing Alice, even going so far as to bend the rules a bit with the notebook just to ensure that his best friend's first encounter with a tiny wasn't a let down. And Alice is so sweet here. Asking for permission to pick him up and just generally being super considerate about everything. It's east to see why he wants to make her happy.

I also like how Alice's treatment of Jordan differs from how every other giant has treated a tiny in this story, even Jordan himself. His first interaction with Leila was really interesting. He wasn't really mean and announced right away that he meant no harm, and he talked to her like she was a person. Unfortunately, that also meant he was fine with calling her out and mocking her when she mentioned magic, which is how he got in this spot in the first place. Also, he's right in that he should have never picked her up and certainly should have put her down when she demanded that he do so. I find it interesting that although I'd call both Alice and Jordan pure-hearted, their reactions to the Fae were so different.

And of course, the way Emily's family is treating him now is completely different. Maybe part of that is that Jordan won't talk like Leila did for him (although I like that he made that decision in order to protect the village and not simply because he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to get his size back), but he didn't talk for Alice either and she threated him with so much respect. Sure, the family think he's a bug or some other weird tiny animal, but Maria seems to know that something is up with him, given the way she not only talks to him despite dismissing the possibility that he's a fairy and how she glared at him to drink from that bottle to keep Molly happy. Emily is catching on pretty quick, too. But Maria decided to just keep him anyway despite these maybe subconscious suspicions, and we'll have to wait and see what Emily does now that she's starting to piece things together. I just thought their natural tendency to treat him like a pet was a stark contrast to the way Alice treated him (maybe her belief in the Fae made a difference, but I think there's more to it than that).

Leila is a really interesting character. I love her false bravado when Jordan caught her, which even fooled me a little bit in the moment. To find out she was that scared of him (which makes sense, of course) and that she was just trying to get something from the outside world for her sister in the first place make her initial actions make a lot more sense. Even some of the rudeness to Jordan at first is justified, as, from her perspective at the time, Jordan was a threat that needed to be humbled and taught a lesson. I've very much enjoyed her changing view of him as the story progresses.

The introduction of Elsie endeared me to her right away. It's hard to not fall in love with a character like that, a frail kid who just wants to see the larger world but can't because it's too dangerous. This made me really start thinking about what happens once Alice finds out about all this and even if/when Jordan returns to normal. Will they be able to visit the village then? How would Elsie react to meeting Alice for the first time (I imagine this would be an incredibly cute moment if it happened!)? Would Jordan and/or Alice help the poor little Fae get that big world experience without the danger? It may be a little sappy on my part, but I hope at least some of this comes to pass at some point in the story.

Speaking of when Alice finds (found) out, this chapter didn't disappoint in delivering that moment. Leila turning to Alice for help makes a lot of sense here, and I think you handled Alice's reaction to everything really well here! There are elements of shock, guilt, fear, and even a tinge of anger. She feels like she let Jordan down. She feels angry at herself for not even realizing that he had him safe and sound but let him go. She's obviously terrified of what could happen to him or even just at the prospect of him suffering the humiliation of being stuck as a pet.

I also like how that anger comes out in her actions at one point but not too fiercely. Her brushing off Leila's explanation and telling her how important she was to Jordan out of worry and fear shows her frustration at the situation as much as it does his worry for her friend. If Leila had told her that back part of the explanation when Alice knew Jordan was safe, she probably would have been as touched as she would been embarrassed, but I don't even think she was capable of fully processing what Leila was telling her in that moment. I think this is a pretty realistic reaction.

I do have a bit of constructive criticism here, though. I feel like it was a bit too easy for Leila to just walk up and talk to Alice like that, given Leila has been so worried about humans, both for her own sake and for the sake of the village. I get that she needed to do this, so no problem there. I also understand that between getting to know Jordan (who she obviously knows is human), watching how Alice handled Jordan earlier, seeing how Jordan feels about Alice, and hearing how Jordan talks about Alice that Leila could logically come to the conclusion that Alice was trustworthy and wouldn't hurt her or try to keep her.

However, I think with her background and how long her people have feared human, this would still be a big step for her. I think this scene could have benefited from  short segment preceding it showing Leila work up the nerve to do this as she saw Alice approaching, or maybe instead of mostly smiling during the exchange, she appeared a little more nervous or tense. Maybe she gets jumpy at a casual movement Alice doesn't notice, such as a slight shift of her foot and leaning down too fast to listen. This would also give Alice an opportunity to show how considerate she is by recognizing this and being reassuring. Or, maybe it's so subtle that Alice doesn't even notice, and this helps drive home that feeling of insignificance tinies often have around bigs in these stories, even the gentle ones sometimes.

But again, there was nothing wrong with the scene as is. I just think things like this could have enhanced it even more, Just something to think about if/when you decide to write another story (this one isn't even over yet, and I'm already hoping it's when rather than if!).

Lastly, I think Alice finding out the truth this way is kind of clever. We've had the reveal, but not fully, which means we're likely going to get that gratifying moment twice. Because Jordan needs to fin out that Alice knows, and the two of them need to meet up now that she knows the truth. So despite feeling great now that Alice is clued in, I'm still anxious for that first moment when Alice sees tiny Jordan knowing who he really is. Nicely done!

So yeah, great job with this story so far, and I look forward to where you go from here!

Author's Response:

A review from It Was Me was not on my bingo card today, holy cow. First off, huge fan of Roomies, it's my favorite ongoing story on the site right now and it was actually one of the stories that inspired me to finally start a story of my own (also a good time filler while waiting for a new chapter, some of your cliffhangers are agony incarnate) Callie's one of the most likeable girls I've ever seen in a gts story and I think I tried to subconsciously make Alice in a way that's similar in all the right ways, I wanted her to be gentle, caring, a little dense but fierce when she has to be, and willing to do anything for her best friend. 

I'm really glad you like Leila as a character. I had her start out looking like a mischievous troublemaker sending Jordan out on a humiliating task, only to reveal her true intentions later. I didn't really want any of the characters that I've written in so far to be malicious or evil, even Maria and Molly who did something wrong, were really just clueless and unaware of what was really happening. Maybe it's because I love gentle stories too much or because I'm still working on writing characters that are a bit more selfish or less pure in nature, kind of like Kristie. I tried to do this with Emily but I didn't want her to really be a bad person either, and she has reasons and motives for what she'll be doing next, as you'll find out soon.

Also really happy to hear you enjoyed Elsie, even though she only had a really brief appearance in the story so far. I think her good natured and sweet personality was a nice contrast to Leila, who comes across as snarky but will go to any lengths to make her little sister happy. I absolutely want to bring her back later on, though I'll honestly admit I'm not entirely sure where to take her character from here or what I should do with her. But a reunion with Jordan and a meeting with Alice is definitely in the cards somewhere!

I had a lot of thoughts on how I actually wanted Alice to find out the truth. One of my ideas was for Alice to come over to Emily's place to hang out and spotting Jordan in the cage, I liked the idea of it being by chance and it might have made for a good confrontation there between her and a clueless Emily, but in the end I settled for this, because I figured it'd be a good time for Alice to interact with Leila who would then explain the situation to her in the way of a recap of everything that's happened in the story so far to get her up to date, with Alice being absolutely in shock at what she's hearing and finding out, I'm glad that part didn't disappoint!

I really appreciate the constructive criticism by the way, I always want to hear what I can do better or if people didn't like a certain thing. I actually agree that Leila could have been a bit more hesitant to actually go up to a giant human to interact. Like you said, Leila did hear about Alice through Jordan, and saw her crying and being miserable in the forest when they were hiding, so I felt like Leila, especially with her personality and bravado, wouldn't need too much reason to be scared of her, especially in an emergency situation with Jordan captured and having no one else to turn to, but you're right that I could have shown her to be a bit more nervous or skittish around Alice for a first time interaction. Definitely something I'll keep in mind for the future, thank you!

I hope the eventual reunion will deliver, it's definitely something I enjoyed working on and I really wanted it to be a nice moment. Thanks a lot for the long detailed review and of course I'll also be eagerly looking forward to reading more of Duncan and Callie's story!