[Report This]Date: September 29 2022 5:16 AM Title: Chapter 1
Imma be honest, the ending completely ruined it for me. All of the previous chapters where litteral perfect build up for a great story. But then it just ends. No interaction, no explanation.
[Report This]Date: September 28 2022 1:12 AM Title: Chapter 9
My god this story is amazing! I've lurked for years but finally made a proper account just to submit this review!
I know other reviewers are eager for her to find him, but I'm hoping that we get a little more unaware action going on.
Maybe her parents arrive home early from choir practice and interrupt her before she has time to figure anything out.
She's able to cover up her masturbation activities, but John is still trapped and has to work his way out of her while she is forced to engage with her parents, maybe even have dinner with them, maybe even further still they take her out to eat at a restaurant or something.
Even if you don't go this route, you still have an amazing story here and I thank you for writing it! Looking forward to the future chapters!
[Report This]Date: May 11 2022 10:38 PM Title: Chapter 4
Well done! Very descriptive from the little guy's perspective.
Looking forward to the rest of the story...
Date: April 30 2022 2:39 PM Title: Chapter 3
Holy cant wait for more!! Just want lewd moments
[Report This]Date: April 30 2022 1:54 AM Title: Chapter 1
Loving this so far. Is it going to be unaware the whole time? I’m personally hoping for her to find him as I’d love to see these characters talk to one another.
[Report This]Date: April 21 2022 1:56 AM Title: Chapter 1
For your first story it is quite good.
The plot is interesting and moves along at a pace that keeps the reader intrigued.
You do not use a lot of unnecessary or multisyllabic words (yeah, a bit of irony there) that either confuse the reader or cause them pause to look up the definition. That's nice. Ernest Hemingway, one of America's greatest writers is known for using words in his stories with an average of four letters; very "Dick and Jane" style (e.g. "Jane threw the ball. See Dick run.").
This ease of reading can add more to the pleasure of your intended audience than the story plot itself. Did you ever read "Jaws"? Peter Benchley uses so many big words you forget you are reading a story about corrupt township officials renting out summer rentals and being exposed for doing so by rouge shark attacks. Yeah, the book differs from the movie.
One suggestion I have, which I myself seldom follow after a few to many drinks, proofread your work before posting. Honestly, after you finish writing a chapter, set it aside for a day, then come back and read it. You will better see any grammatical errors as well as any plot mistakes. Make use of spell and grammar check, it's both easy and fast.
You made some grammatical errors that a simple check would have pointed out to you. Still nothing that takes away from your overall story.
My biggest suggestion, just keep writing, and above all write for yourself and your own enjoyment. You will never please everybody, so please yourself and your audience will find its way to you.