[Report This]Date: February 20 2022 2:09 AM Title: everything is fine
This is actually pretty hot! Unaware/reality change is always fun, and there isn't a ton of it out there so it's a treat to have another story featuring it. At the same time, though, there are a few things that could make it that much better.
First and foremost is the formatting. I realize the editor on this site isn't the fanciest thing in the world, but the text is awfully small with the default settings, and having huge run-on paragraphs makes things tedious to read. It can sometimes be difficult to decide where to cut a paragraph, but you can always get creative - maybe break the paragraphs up where her size shifts larger?
Second is the second-person point of view. Maybe I'm just nitpicking because I'm a female reader, but I had a hard time putting myself in the shoes of either of the characters, and I've always struggled to write second-person without more than five percent of my word count being the word 'you'. Might just be a silly thing to criticize, but second-person has always just been harder to both read and write for me.
I also realize that this is your first English-language story on this site, but rejoice - your English is actually pretty dang good! The two things I pointed out have a much bigger impact on the readability and flow of the story than any issues with grammar. Hopefully my unsolicited advice can at least be somewhat useful, and I'd love to see another story from you in the future!