[Report This]Date: September 28 2021 2:57 PM Title: Chapter 1
I, for one, enjoyed the wording! I don't see enough high quality, well described work. Keep it up. I LOVED THE UNAWARE route you took. It has inspired.
Author's Response:
Thank you!
Date: September 27 2021 4:48 AM Title: Chapter 1
Great work! A nicely executed short story, the descriptions were extremely explicit, which is a very good thing. I especially enjoyed the esophageal segment, not a lot of time is often spent on the space between the swallow and stomach. I liked the interior descriptions, and of course the detailed female masturbation.
I'm familiar with that comissioners preferences, and I think you brought the intestinal 'trip' to life quite well.
Author's Response:
happy crying noises
Date: September 26 2021 2:45 AM Title: Chapter 1
A very nice read. Starts of slow then takes off like a rocket, well done.
I do not know if you plan to continue this story; but is there the chance Caleb makes his way through Presley's intestines alive? Perhaps squirming out of her butt as she lies in bed basking in afterglow. Perhaps Presley would be delighted to find out Caleb is the source of her most intense sexual pleasure ever, and want to reuse him as such.
My one complaint, your use of specific biological terms someone such as myself has to stop reading your story to look up. Did you ever read "Jaws"? Aside from the first three pages {perhaps the best opening to a fiction book ever} the author Peter Benchley used so many ten dollar words it interferred with the flow of reading the book {e.g. "translucent"(??? I forget the exact term) rather than "see through night gown"}.
My point, know your audience. How many of your intended readers as so well versed in biology as you are? Still, once those terms are looked up, they definitely add to your vision. I guess all writers need to find that fine line between reading and "pedagogy". he he he
Author's Response:
I looked them up too :)