[Report This]Date: September 30 2023 2:26 PM Title: Chapter 1: The Beginning-4 Years Later
I read the whole story several times yesterday and I can say I'm loving it so far!
In this chapter, we got to see a bit of both Max and Lucy's school lives. They both dream of popularity, but in different ways: Max wants to perform a song in front of the whole school, but has trouble coming up with lyrics (I wonder if this will be important later wink wink 😉). As for Lucy... I'll get to her later.
Anyway, we also see both kids being bored in class and not having a good relationship with their teachers. This really exemplifies what you'll say later in the story, about younger siblings emulating their older siblings' behavior, even if unintentionally. As an older brother myself, it made me wonder if I was a good role model to my sister...
Which brings me neatly to my next point: the characters are extremely relatable! I've been on Max and Lucy's shoes in different moments of my life, so it's really interesting for me to look at this story from both sides: as the older brother and the kid who didn't want to grow up.
Jumping ahead to talk about their mom: she doesn't seem like a bad parent to me, just really focused on her job. At first I thought their parents had divorced or their father died, which would explain why Rebecca has to work a lot, but I'm glad this isn't the case. Still, Lucy's clearly been affected by this even if she doesn't want to admit it.
Now we get to Footstool: I love this dog! His interactions with Lucy were very cute, and it's nice to see her actually caring about a smaller creature.😅
As for Lucy's room, there's something there that caught my attention. You mentioned she has a huge painting of the Disney castle, so I was wondering: did she paint it herself? My headcanon is that Lucy has a secret talent, but hides it from others because she's afraid they'll find it "too childish". Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I think this would give more dimension to her.
Anyway, that's all I have to say for this chapter. I'll definitely be adding more reviews to this story, so I'll talk about other stuff later. Great chapter! Great story! Look forward to what the future holds for this characters.👍
Author's Response:
Thanks for the in-depth review! Here's what I have to say.
Both Max and Lucy are essentially growing up and that's the main message I wanted to convey in this chapter when I gave an insight into their school lives.
As someone who grew up with 3 siblings, I can safely say siblings imitate each other a lot, especially younger ones 😅
Rebecca (the mother) has essentially transformed into the work-alcoholic mother who wants that extra cash so that was the main portrayal I wanted to show here.
Footstool will become interesting later on in the story. I am not sure if you are into giant animal content but yeah Footstool is going to be seen as somewhat of a threat as well. I decided to include a dog that Lucy loves because I didn't want her to become completely one-dimensional...
Lucy Disney's obsession is yeah by the age she is (11) has become childish to most of her peers. As for her secret talent well I guess we will have to wait and see...
Let me know what you think of her best friend's character when you get up to chapter 3, I won't spoil anything if you haven't read it 😅
[Report This]Date: November 06 2022 3:02 PM Title: Chapter 1: The Beginning-4 Years Later
I can’t describe my happiness when the first thing I saw today was an update on this story. I was worried you had given up and now… now I am anxious for the next chapter!
You have a very strong writing, describing the characters life, their moods, actions and their surroundings, all that enhances the experience and antecipation for what is to come – and I very much share Lucy’s disdain for fractions and math in general.
It’s also worth noting you don’t dismiss the parents figure in the story dynamics. With their parents absent, Max has to take responsibility and be the authority figure for his little sister, but he is also her brother and a teen.
Remember my last comment on Max behaviour? On how it striked how he didn’t act with glee when seeing Lucy get scollded and hurt ? He is someone who has had to grown too fast for Lucy’s sake too. I might be reading too much into it, but I think that’s why we see Max dismissing Lucy as someone who doesn't “know when to grow up”, while she herself tries to imitate his mannerisms.
Lucy is clearly going through puberty and, unconsciously, looks up to Max. Lets hope she also looks down. For his sake.
Thanks for writing and sharing with us.
Author's Response:
Nah, don't worry I hate to leave things unfinished, I just caught so caught up in engineering assignments that I had barely had anytime to update. But now that its summer holidays I will have a lot more time to write 😄
Yeah I felt the parents need a slightly bigger a role as well which I was why I decided to give the mum a bigger part in this chapter.
Yeah I made Lucy a tween on the verge of becoming a teenager because I felt that was a pivotal age where behaviour and interactions are going to a lot more interesting.
Yeah things are going to get a lot more chaotic for poor Max very soon... 😂
[Report This]Date: November 06 2022 1:05 PM Title: Chapter 1: The Beginning-4 Years Later
Yes !!! I want to be honest,I thought the story was dead but I am so glad it isnt and that many more updates will come soon. Another great chapter. Its a really good setup for whats to come and I am really excited to see how she will dominate the ants. Also, the fact that she has a dog could open even more options for the story. I dont know if you have anything planned with that but I would love to see the dog as a massive threat too. Again , 10/10 !! Great work
Author's Response:
Nah, don't worry I hate to leave things unfinished, I just caught so caught up in engineering assignments that I had barely had anytime to update. But now that its summer holidays I will have a lot more time to write 😄
Yeah Lucy's dog we are also going to see some giant interactions later on in the story as well and I love to experiment so that will be very interesting as well