L,

The development of the story is actually rather well done.  Certainly well written for someone who say's he's not a writer. 

I might suggest using paragraphs a bit more.  You did so at first but sort of grew out of it on most later chapters.  A BIG wall of text can be difficult to read.  You editing is well-done, not too much to pick on there.  Good work.

As far as the story itself, you're introducing characters well & giving them backstroies to help understand them.  Thus far they all seem to have a place in your world although I'm wondering about the inclusion of another short guy.  I'm not currently seeing why you'd add him, although I did enjoy the bit where Jason got stomped.  You get what you give.  I'm sure all will be revealed soon enough.

As far as interaction goes, it seems to go well considering the characters' mindset.  Her anxiety & his hardheadedness really make their interaction more alive.  I am very interested to see if things become more intimate between your main characters as the story seems to be working up to that.  Perhaps it might mellow the poor guy out a bit, he's a very stressed out guy.

Cheers & good luck.