Izzellah Ivory struggles to cope as a minority in a world of superior beings.
Hey, how's my favorite writer doing? Hah, not really my favorite but you are in top five I guess in this site?... Anyways, just registered to the site to drop a reviev that you seem to like so much or pretend to like so I feel obligated to do it in consequence of this bad feeling in my gut.
Last few chapters seems to slow the story a bit but I guess its inevitable since you keep introduce new characters, which I like most of them especially the grandma and the stud couple (yeh I will call them that). This new development between them, yes I'm talking about sadomazo thing, seems a bit risky since I belive most people come to this story for the gentle? stuff. Which is ok I guess, a little diversity is always good, you can't just stereotype the whole species and be done with them. This individual characters are the important part, why am I telling you this even though you already know this? because I really like that stuff, I mean the whole dominating thing and whatnot and want you to continue with this. Also not to forget that if they are doing it right they trust each other tremendously which adds to the charm of this story. Now to the part to what end this granny tanunts him in public or tries to show him off even though two out of every three person in state knows she have a young minor husband because of the TV show. I'm sure you have a good explanation for it, or not... I'm sure we can find it on our own even if one of your characters wont phrase it exactly why, I mean we are not that slow, show some faith in your readers.
About your other works you share with us beside your crappy drawings (yes I called them crappy, twice now even, I remember you telling us about tring to publish a comic, which is a great goal, and I can tell from your first doodles to the newer ones quality improved even if its just a bit, what I'm trying to say is practice makes it perfect) oh yes I was talking about your other works before I got side tracked, please dont call them bad or "dont read!" I personally ejoyed them even if they are not finished, there were some cringy parts but it was a minor thing and overal I think they are pretty good all of them, I hope you continue one of them or all? Well I guess its a bit strech.
Thanks for sharing your work, I'm looking forward to a new chapter.
This comment was strangely uplifting even though I think you backhandedly complimented me like three times.
And yeah I do introduce new characters a lot. Pay it no mind. It's just a quirk of my writing I'm trying to reel in. The problem is even minor (heh "minor") characters have a name and story in my mind. For example Royce; the math girl that pissed Sabrina off. She was only in one chapter and I don't plan on using her again, but she's named now and maybe that builds an expectation to see her again. I try to make my world seem believable and Izzellah can't just be in class with only Sabrina. So Royce exists. Or if Izzellah wants to go to a library well then a librarian has to exist. Say I right a chapter about Ignacio going to work? Well then he needs coworkers and a boss. Even more new characters! That being said I think I've gotten a good primary and secondary cast of around twelve or so reaccuring characters (about six that actually matter). So I don't plan on adding anymore of real significance.
Probably won't get a steamy boundary (and ass) shattering chapter where Randalf discovers the joys of being penetrated. Summer resents you calling her a granny by the way. Even though that's exactly what she is! Anyway it doesn't really fit the theme of this story. Also I'm not confident in my ability to write good sex scenes. Maybe in MAJOR/minor: SPECIAL though. There are no rules there! Will get more clarification on Randalf in the next chapter. SHort answer is just because you're famous doesn't mean you want to be peeped at half naked.
It's also really nice to find someone who enjoyed my older work. It warms my heart. My cold...cold....heart............ I tend not to value my old work so much just because I feel like I'm better now. Not much better mind you, but enough to see all the flaws in my old stuff while not recognizing when I'm making new ones. I'll try not to insult it though. It's all part of the writing process. I'm sure I'll figure out something to do with those old stories. Snapped for example directly played into the writing of Small.
Thanks for the stellar comment.
A continuation from Dance with Fire, set in NotSirk MAJOR/Minor universe. I highly recommend reading his story to better understand this New World Order and all. Dance With Fire may be interesting, but I'll try to develop it without too much call back, for new reader's convenience. I'll try to put out a chapter every Saturday.
Nice meeting with Sam, such a strong character just like her will be rival. I mean she will be Shannon's rival for Rondo's love interest right? She seems to be not interested in him but I'm not buying it, every MAJOR up to this point show great interest in our protagonist, which begs the question which one will he chose? I mean they are similar most of the case so what will be the determinig factor?
That was a good come back from the minor, making the bratty teen to think she is the same as her inferior tier 1 borther. I refuse to believe that he kissed his brother, yikes and his twin brother no less.
Shanon seems to keeping it together for the time being, will she confess to the minor that she is fucking around disgustingly when the time comes? Honestly I can't even read most of that part, its too much for me.
I hope there will be time for little sister to earn a "thank you!" from her brother, she was bratty before now she is also cocky and possesive and trying to be manipulative just like a decent MAJOR. Hope she gets her priorities solid even if she makes them wrong. She seems to be split between loving, protective and supportive little sister and taking her brother for herself. Just like she forces him to take the same classes as hers even though he have different interests. Can she help her brother in this? Does she even wants to? Who will help this little minor? He just left the home he lived his whole life and family he relied on.
Also I really liked the local wildlife control.
Well, I can't really answer any of that, it would be too spoilerish. Except Alejandro kissing Alaric. it happened !Who knows, perhaps I'll even write it, one day ?
. But yeah, Samantha and Shannon will have some interesting interactions in the future :) ! Really glad you like the story, and I'll try to keep up my qulity (or rise it) to make sure it remains interesting to read. Hopefully, you'll really like the next chapter, if I manage to write down what I have in mind correctly
Two students get more than they bargained for in a game of love, control, and domination.
Hi, just saw your new update and wanted to drop by and say some stuff.
Most of my favorite writers are gone and now we are stuck with you, which, still a good thing that you upload some decent quality stories. As I search some believability in strories and this perticular fetish is making most of the stories such a challenge. Hence there are such a small group of people writing what I enjoy about a story with believability, even if it's such an imposible fetish to exist in real world, consistency of the rules you build your world around, relatability of the characters even if they dont have human standards and of course good word forging helps alot. Don't downgrade your writing with simplified versions of your sentences, I'm not saying this because of this story but another author started his new story with his standard quality sentences and some person said its too confusing to read who is talking so place the name of the character speaking infront of the paragraph, now I have hard time reading it not because its too confusing but story simply feels ugly.
Sorry for the rambling.
Now you gave us some informa- no you just throw us some information to chew while you're writing the next chapter (I hope you keep this one alive for some time). Having little information can be a good thing while you reveal new things in chapters to come but having a main character too oblivious (even if you have reasons) puts him in a non-desirable position, he seems clueless to events going on around him even if the is living in this world for some years. He knows about school bullies but not their ambition which this girl explains later.
You said this story isnt in your confort zone so you used your previous work's template (a clueless school student explores new stuff), while I dont mind it much its better to explore new teplatates and dont get this as a bashing I just dont want you to get too repetitive (still we are in the second chapter it may be too early to make assumptions).
I also want to address the descriptions, you brutally showed us this girl is alot stronger than our MC and he is somewhat puny. After that you dont give much description. After rereading some I realised that you give much more description about the jock and nothing about the girl after their first encounter and I honestly forget about the scar or the body shape in general. What I mean is you can try subtile descriptions, like when she carried him how wind passes him realise the speed of the movement or how gracefull she was or how he get a feel of her while they are so close proximity. I know you mentioned she was athletic and we can deduce some of them but it still adds to the description or reminds us and make a lasting impression (still it is better to not to bore the reader with too much description like some authors).
Lastly this is a futa story and I still dont know why penis size is a rule of thumb on this fetish but if you combine this two in particular that is some "monster" on her and I hope you dont break the immersion of this story or the MC in half with that.
P.S: You may think some of the stuff writen above is obvious to you but I wrote those for any one to read and understand where all this coming from. Also futa is my one of my numbered fetishes which I have hard time understanding in itself, what I'm trying to say is THANK YOU for writing this one and hope you go somewhere with all these.
Well thanks for all the feedback! I'm not sure what to answer first. Well....
Descriptions are one thing I'm trying to work on and that's part of the reason I'm even writing this story. In my opinion, good literary erotica (porn) needs great detail to be enticing. So I'm trying.
Jericho's been described more in my mind anyway, because he's had a...well I won't call it a sex scene, but the general intent is the same. Crystal hasn't gotten that far with Remmy yet, but it's coming. She'll have her turn. I also scribbled down a bad drawing I'll be posting with the next update.
I know the school settings kind of cliche but that's not the real focus for this one. It's more a place for characters to interact than anything else, but you're right that it to mention it. I'll take that feedback.
Also know I won't be making some like 10 foot long dongzilla! Haha. There is an element of fantasy to this just based on the size difference but I am taking measure not to give exact number for stuff like that and let the reader fill in the blanks.
Don't worry I'll be writing more of this story! At least enough for the main two to get together otherwise what was the point of this?
Thanks for the comment and feedback
A series of short stories telling the adventures of a Plague Doctor and her shrunken apprentice, travelling around a world torn appart by a misterious dissease that makes people shrink down.
A decent start for your story, i wonder where will you go with this idea.
Giving the exposition at the inn felt natural, wish you had done the same at the start too. I'm not going in to the details about the mask but it used differently in those times.
The most troubling part was there were no tension, everything was normal (boring) and all of a sudden our hero saved by a grunt and uncanny dodge, honestly i felt nothing it was too sudden. I think the problem is you didnt foreshadow it, maybe innkeeper should have said something unusual or make an action to make her suspicious in a way.
Also i dont get inkeeper's motives here, why did she abduckted the tiny apperntice why did she tried to kill the doctor? She wasn't caring for captive tinies, just bare minimum, she also wasn't using them (if she did they sould talk about how traumatic the experiance was). If she just robs the tinies then why did she attacked the doctor? She preys on tinies i understand, its easy money but why would she risk to fight a tall woman.
Tired of the giants' supremacy, Rennard, Milton, and Henry decide to strike back. Not trying anything too malicious, the three have a harmless prank in mind. However, they quickly learn how much things can spiral out of control, especially when giants are involved.
Set in a medieval style fantasy setting full of magic. Some plot, some action, lots of erotica. If you don't like feet stuff, this might not be for you, but the other tags make plenty of strong appearances (beginning of chapter 1 contains more specific directions on which chapters to look out for if you want things like insertion/mouth play).
It's all fun and games until you gauge someones eyes. Great read, I really like your world with cartoon physics, helps alot with just focusing on the characters.
