I was taking a nap in my math class. I never really felt a reason to attend but realized that I might as well get some ‘tidbits’ about the format of the final. It is ridiculous to have classes at 8:30 in the morning. Doesn’t the college administration know what students do at night OR is it exactly that they know what students do at night? I was nudged by my friend and roommate Mike to wake up.
“I hope you fail the fucking final, John”, said Mike facetiously.
“Me too! I really like being in the same math class as you”, I replied.
“Come on now! Have you even talked to the babes in our math class?” asked Mike with a smile.
“No, but I am fairly confident that I already have more success with them than you do just by going to class only four times this semester.”, I said.
Mike and I teased each other about a lot of stuff and it was great that neither of us took too much personally. Freshman year of college was coming to an end. They have been some fun months. My friends and I weren’t the alpha males of campus but we did a lot of crazy shit when we were drunk. As I continue on with my story, I will likely tell you about some of the crazy stuff we did. This story was the craziest one yet. I have a confession to make. This brings a lot of reason to the events that occurred to any college-age student. I love giant chicks. It has always been a fantasy of mine.
As a former engineer, I was required to take math, physics, and some random engineering class this semester. I personally could give less of a fuck about linear algebra. I had a solid C- in the class and was prepared to let the grade drop. The subject came more naturally to other people including my friend Mike who pretty much has to take a crap on the final to get a C in the class.
I enjoyed my physics class a lot though and am looking at Physics as a possible major. I only have a B+ right now, but that is pretty good for a slacker. My physics professor, Dr. Goodale, recently finished a big project he was working on for a couple of years. He built a machine. This machine has the capability of changing the size of any object. The secret is that all the electrons in an atom are either pushed closer to or farther away from its nucleus. ****Dr. Goodale told our class that the main trouble was ensuring that all the atoms shrink or grow at the same rate. He did succeed. He spent an hour giving us a demonstration by shrinking and growing many objects in the room. The machine did exactly what he requested and that made the class feel comfortable. I wondered what set my professor out to make such a machine, so I visited him during office hours. A part of me wondered, “Is Dr. Goodale a macrophile just like me?”

I talked with Dr. Goodale about his invention. I asked him if he had plans to commercialize it. “No. It would create a new era of crime. I don’t really think the benefits of this machine outweigh the costs. This is more of a personal project of mine”, Dr. Goodale responded.
“Oh, I understand. I can’t think of a human that I’d trust with it”, I replied, “for instance, my ex-girlfriend would use it to kill me. I am sure a lot of people would think about putting me to death if they were to use it.”
Dr. Goodale laughed. “So would my ex-wife!” he said with a smile, “and my envious colleagues. Some are too ambitious here. I disagree with the idea that there aren’t people out there who cannot be trusted with my invention. For instance, I trust myself. I would only trust those who are not out to do harm to others. You seem like a fellow who would never think of doing such a thing, also you are my only student who visited me to talk about my machine. You would think that a college that was ranked #4 by that prestigious magazine would bring in more students with intellectual curiosity. Of course, I would be naïve to assume that would be the case.”
“True to that”, I said.
“I know that Finals Week is coming up, but I would like to give you a copy of my machine. Being a materialist, I would like to ask for $25 before I give it to you though. Consider it a spectacular deal.” said Dr. Goodale.
“Thank you for the offer. I promise that I will only use it for my own needs and never to bring harm onto other people”, I said enthusiastically.
Dr. Goodale took a watch from his desk. It looked like any normal wristwatch, except the only thing that could be changed was the size of the watch and anything that touched it.
“Thank you, Dr. Goodale”, I said as I headed back to my dorm.

Now back to math class, Mike and I were sitting in the back of the class.
“You aren’t even paying attention to the professor, so do you mind if I ask you a question?” said Mike.
“No problem. You are good at reading people”, I said sarcastically.
“What the hell is with that watch?” asked Mike
“It’s an engineering thing that math majors would not understand.” I said
“You are no longer an engineer, my friend!” said Mike
“I will still be an engineer till next semester. I am taking an Engineering final. It is not engineering that scared me away, it is actually this dreaded math. One more semester of math and I will drown!” I said.
“The funniest thing is that if you actually went to class, you would probably understand this stuff even better than I do” said Mike.
“I think I already accomplished that!” I said with a smile.

I heard a voice. “Oh. Hey Mike! What are we going over?”
The voice was that of a girl. The girl has light brown, medium-length hair. She has a nice face with pearly white teeth. She is medium-height, much shorter than I am, since I am 6’1. However, she is definitely around Mike’s height, who is only 5’7. She also has nice breasts, at least a C cup.
“Not much. Just eigenvectors and stuff like that, not a big deal”, responded Mike.
The girl noticed me and then said, “I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.”
“Believe it or not. I have been a part of this class from the beginning. This is one of my first days in the actually class though. My name is John. What’s your name?”
“Michelle. It’s great to meet you. Do you know all the answers for the final?”
“Of course, it hasn’t been reflected too well in my three midterm grades but I am getting there, by that, I mean I am confident I’ll have a fun Finals Week, whether I actually pass the exams, that is a different story”, I said.
“Mike has told me so much about you”, Michelle said, “In fact I told him that you had to go to class one of these days.”
“I didn’t even know you existed. If I did, I might have gotten up a little earlier.” I then said.
“You’re cute!” Michelle giggled. “I’m going to take a seat towards the front because I’m not as smart as you guys and need the review, later.”
Michelle took the seat right in front of me- big jump, huh?
She looked like she was going to fall asleep and began playing with her flip-flops. She began hollding one of her flip flops between her big and second toe. Her toenails were painted a dark blue just like her fingernails. What would it be like to watch her as an inch tall? This has always been one of my biggest dreams. Fuck math. I am doomed to bomb that final anyway. I was going to have some fun.
I whispered to Mike, “Do you want to know what this watch does?”
Mike said, “Alright.”
I said, “Follow me to the hall.”
We left the classroom.
I took off the watch and placed it on a pencil and set it to 2X.
The pencil grew two times.
“Holy shit! Where did you get this from?” exclaimed Mike
“Physics class. My professor invented this thing. It can shrink or grow any object you want. I know how I am going to spend this period in math class”, I said with a smile, “do you want to join me?”
“Why do I think it’s a really bad idea?” Mike asked.
“You think a lot of things are bad ideas that are actually wonderful ones. I think it is something that is wrong with your brain, come on, do you want to join me or not?” I said.
“This could lead to our death! Are you insane? I know what you want to do, man, but maybe you could talk to Michelle about it.. later on.” Mike said nervously
“The idea of being a voyeur has always appealed to me somewhat. A beautiful woman having all the power in the world over a man without knowing it, I’m sure you must find something sexy about that.” I said with enthusiasm
“Not really. I think there is something wrong with your brain.” Said Mike, “I better go along with you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.”
“That’s the spirit! We are going to head back to math and shrink there and meet up with Michelle!”
This was the first time I ever shrank and it was going to be one hell of an experience.







****: I am not entirely sure of how a person would be able to change size. This scientific explanation is extremely flawed. However, it does not play a large role in the story itself.