The Sandwich – Chapter 4
Looking up I noticed that I now had four more worker ant buddies approaching from a hole (Lincoln Tunnel size to me) at the base of the cabinet. They quickly scurried over to my plateau and formed a line in front of me like cadets lining up in formation. Thinking of a way to best take advantage of my situation I decided it was time to take a quick survey of my surroundings. Behind me was the cabinet where we kept the pots and pans. At my current size I figured that the baseboard was at least 200-300 feet high at my current size.
As my knee was still causing horrific pain I sort of slid my way over to my new posse and climbed aboard the little guy I first met. Sweet, a mode of transportation! Riding the ant took a little getting used to. Stradling this thorax and holding on to his antenna was pretty much like riding a horse, with six legs, heh. The ride was incredibly smooth and I quickly got the hang of it, I could even get him to rear up on his hind legs like a stallion, fucking cool!
Alright, time to explore. I gave Elvis (figured he needed a name) a little kick and pointed him towards the sink cabinet; he gave a little whicker, reared up, and took off. Holy crap, this little guy can move! During our ride I was amazed at all the debris on the floor. I mean Suzanne is a clean freak and mops the floor at least once a week but what I was seeing looked like we hadn’t cleaned for a month. There were rocks everywhere, they ranged in size from the size of my fist to chunks the size of the landscape rocks we have by our bushes out front. Suddenly we came up on a plateau that was strewn with what looked like bowling ball sized diamonds! Elvis quickly scooped one up in his mandibles and crunched it down with great enthusiasm.
I realized it must be the sugar I spilled earlier from Adam’s bowl of cereal. Damn, it looked like a field of diamonds, but I swear it was only a tiny bit that fell off his bowl. Turning around, I noticed my posse was following close behind, however they skidded to a halt and started collecting the sugar. Unlike Elvis, they didn’t eat it, but instead scurried back to the Lincoln tunnel to deposit the horde to what I assumed was the nest. As they were doing that, more workers poured out of the hole heading to the acres of diamonds to finish the collection of the bounty I so casually spilled when I was normal sized.
Moving along, we passed by what could only be a Cheerio ring the size of a bed! Elvis paused, shot out a little spray from his tail end, and then kept up the trek to the sink cabinet. Looking back I saw more ants heading for the Cheerio. Damn, pretty fricken efficient little buggers aren’t they.
Having finely reached the base of the cabinet I climbed off Elvis and surveyed our surroundings. I noticed some water drops the size of those swimming pools for toddlers. They were amazing! They stood as tall as Elvis and were completely see through. They reflected the light coming from the window a couple thousand feet above our heads and looked like a fractal undulating and shimmering in the sunshine. It was beautiful! I reached out and poked my finger into the nearest drop and was surprised when my whole hand was sucked into the blob. In hindsight I realized this was a big mistake as I broke the viscosity of the surface and the drop split in two and drenched me. My God, this was amazing! A whole world of wonders in what was normally under our feet.
With her heels clicking to a stop, Suzanne paused in front of the antique French chiffarobe (like an armoire) with a full-length mirror. We had bought this just last week at auction, cause what Baby wants, Baby gets. We had it placed in an alcove right off the hallway, between the bedroom and kitchen. Checking her reflection in the mirror, she took in her look for the day. Fluffing her medium length, auburn tresses, she tilted her chin up and turned slightly to the right and then to the left. Satisfied with her perfectly applied make-up, she gave a little smirk of satisfaction and strode into the kitchen.
As I was wringing myself out, I noticed the water drop start to vibrate. Transfixed with the movement of the drop, I saw that it was pulsating in a regular cadence. At the same time, I heard a thumping noise as well as a vibration coming from the floor. The thumping increased in sound and the vibrations grew more violent. Suddenly I found it hard to keep my balance (having recently found my footing despite the pain in my knee) and flung my arms out to stay upright. It felt like trying to keep my balance on a trampoline when someone else was jumping.
As this was happening, I saw Elvis quickly scurried under the lip of the cabinet base and cower in terror. Just as I crashed to the floor, I beheld a sight that completely sucked the air out of my lungs and momentarily stopped my heart. Rounding the corner at an impossible speed was a true to life Goddess! It was Suzanne! She towered an impossible 2000 feet tall and must have been moving at at least 500 miles per hour!
Just as I got my heart beating again my eardrums were nearly shattered by the loudest sound I had ever experienced: JON! ADAM! OH FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY! Moving at what seemed to be Mach 1 she covered the distance from the hall to the sink before I could even blink!
I watched in fascinated terror as her shoe (seemingly the height of a 10 story building) lifted and moved towards me with blinding speed. As my doom approached, time seemed to slow down so I could see the bottom of her shoe blotting out the sky. It seemed to be raining rocks as bits of grit, dust, and sugar cascaded down all around me. I could see every detail of her sole, imbedded rocks, stained blotches the size of cars, scratches in circular patterns, flaps of leather two feet across pealed outward. I could see her foot on either side of the arch spreading out at least 20 feet per side.
Curling up in a tiny ball, I put my head between my legs and prepared to become one with the bottom of her sole. I couldn’t believe I was going to be crushed like a bug without her even noticing I was there, let alone feeling me crunch under her impossible weight. Preparing to die, I peered upwards to see her sole seemingly hover in mid air and then impossibly crash down on top of my tiny shivering form! As I lay there I couldn’t believe there was no pain, it must have been so quick I was instantly obliterated into paste there by feeling nothing like a casualty of a ground zero strike of a nuclear bomb.
I slowly opened my eyes expecting to see the Pearly Gates or something, what I saw was a dim line of light running about 50 feet across directly in front of me. As I was looking at the light I heard a tremendous creaking and moaning sound directly overhead, like thousands of tons bearing down on an automobile in a junkyard car-crusher. Listening more intently I realized it sounded the way a leather shoe does when you rock back and forth only a hundred times louder. WHAT THE FUCK? I’M ALIVE?
As Suzanne walked into the kitchen she quickly made her way to the sink. She saw the sandwich Jon was supposed to make for Adam sitting there on the counter half made. “Jon! Adam! Oh for Christ’s sake, where the hell are they” she said.