“Well I went and fucked up pretty big, didn’t I?” Joe said to himself out loud, trying to hold himself together while coming to terms with his current situation. By his estimations, he was roughly 5 inches tall, not much larger than an action figure. He was feeling pretty torn at the moment. On one hand, his life’s work now had solid, indisputable proof that it was in fact, possible. No longer was it just a theory, or a small experiment you could only see under a microscope. On the other hand, HE was now the proof, something he wasn’t exactly fond of. And on the other OTHER hand, he still had a monster hangover.

“Ok Joe, don’t panic, you’ve been in worse situations than this... Probably. Come at this logically, what’s the first thing you need to do?” He thought for a few moments before deciding on a plan of action.

“Ok, step one: Take in your surroundings and begin formulating a second step. Right that makes sense. I’ll also start getting some supplies together, anything that I might need to survive… I should also probably try and contact someone so I’m not just sitting here talking to myself like a crazy person.”

All things considered. Joe felt confident he had the situation more or less under control. Which was saying something seeing as Joe was now slightly larger than a bar of soap. Taking a deep breath, he turned around to get a good look around, and came face to face with the eye of an absolutely massive Burmese Python.

Joe nearly pissed himself in horror as the Manhole sized, terrifying eye of a snake stared him down. At this size, the reptilian monster looked more like a dragon (minus the arms and wings), it’s shiny scales glistening in the basement lab lights, it’s fangs almost as long as he was tall. The head of the Python itself large enough to-

“You did drunk science again, didn’t you?” Said the Python, an annoyed look now evident across its face scaly face. Joe waited for his heart to stop pounding before glaring at the snake.

“For fucks sake Merlin! You scared the shit out of me! Say something next time instead of sneaking up on me like that. God dammit!” Joe shook himself trying to get his blood flow back to normal.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then,” hissed Merlin, as he slithered by Joe and coiled into a neat pile next to him.

“Ok yes, MAYBE I had a little too much to drink last night and blacked out... And then POSSIBLY in my unconscious drunken state, decided to play around in the lab a bit. Speaking of which, please don’t talk so loudly.” Joe pressed his fingers to his temple and rubbed them vigorously, trying to rid himself of his migraine, which was not letting up.

“You know, for a brilliant scientist, you can be a real moron sometimes.” Merlin snorted, and Joe glared at him.

“Yeah well, if it weren’t for me, you and I wouldn’t be having this conversation right now, would we?” Said Joe, making his way over to his pile of clothes. Merlin rolled his eyes.

“Oh wow yeah, you never bring that up. You do realize I never asked to be given human-level intelligence? That maybe, just maybe, I was content on remaining an average, simple minded snake living in a terrarium at a small town Zoo?”

“How would you know, seeing as you had no way of conceptualizing your circumstance as a simple minded snake,” said Joe, finally making it to his pair of crumpled of pants. Finding the pocket he was looking for, he climbed in and located what he had been hoping to find.

“Bingo,” he said and grabbed hold of his phone. He pulled as hard as he could, and fell backwards as his hands slipped. There wasn’t any way for him to grip the phone, and it's shear weight and size was making it difficult to move at all.

“Merlin would you mind giving me a h-“ Joe started then stopped, and looked over at Merlin, who glared at him.

“Were you going to say ha-“

“Just go get Kat please!” Joe spluttered.

Merlin slithered through the door leading to the upstairs and made his way through the house. It wasn’t long until he came across Kat in the living room. She was perched on the windowsill, snoozing and warming herself in the morning sun light.

“Hey Kat, rise and shine. Dip shits awake,” he said. Kat didn’t move and Merlin called up again. This time, Kat stirred and turned over, but refused to acknowledge her scaley counterpart’s presence. Sighing, Merlin slithered up to the sill where a vase with flowers stood next to Kat’s resting form. With a quick flick of his tail, the base toppled over and poured its contents all over the black sunbathing Cat. Shrieking in rage, Kat jumped up.

“Gah! What the fuck Merlin?! I literally just spent the last hour licking myself clean, now I have to do it all over again!” Kat shook her now soaking wet fur to try and get as much of the water off herself as she could. Merlin smirked but ignored her outburst.

“Didn’t you hear me? Joe’s awake.”

“Yeah I heard you just fine.”

“Well then why didn’t you say anything?”

“I don’t know, probably because I don’t give a shit? Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to REGROOM myself before getting back to my morning nap.” Kat started licking her fur in an attempt to get rid of the excess water.

“Do it later, Joe needs our help,” Merlin said, making his way back to the floor and towards the lab.

“Help? Since when does Joe need OUR help?”

“Oh... Oh I see,” Kat said, staring down at her now 5 inch master. Joe looked up at Kat, doing his best to hide his growing unease at his now colossal house cat.

“Hope I wasn’t interrupting anything important,” said Joe, attempting to regain control of the situation. While he was indeed the owner of his talking snake and cat, at this height, there wasn’t much stopping them from doing pretty much whatever they wanted to him. He only hoped that they still realized that they needed him for things like food and water. He was also the reason they had a place to live in the first place.

Kat Glared at the tiny human, then sighed and shook her head.

“Just my morning nap. I can always reschedule it until later. Seems like you need my help right now,” she said. Joe inwardly sighed in relief.

“You’d be right in assuming that. I’m trying to get ahold of Kate, but I’m not exactly able to get my phone from my pocket. Would you-“

“On it,” said Kat, turning towards her masters crumpled up pants. Using her paws, she fiddled with the pocket until the phone slid out, screen facing up.

“Ah perfect! Thank you Kat,” said Joe, making his way over to his now massive cell phone. Kat purred with pride, now taking a seated position as she watched Joe go about his plan.

“Alright, let’s see if Kate is available,” he said. Using his hands, he slid the phones lock button sideways, unlocking the screen. He has several text messages and a few missed calls from Kate.

At least she was worried about me. That might mean she’ll pick up! he thought, and pressed the call back number. He waited for the phone to start dialing her number, when the phone suddenly went dark. Before he could say anything, the words “low battery” lit the screen before going back to black.

“Oh you have to be shitting me,” said Joe, falling on his back in frustration. Merlin and Kat stifled laughs and Joe shot daggers at them with his eyes.

“Would you both shut the hell up and help me find a fucking phone charger please?”