TILBOP PART 4
"ANALYSIS CONCLUSIVE. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PERSON IN THIS ENTIRE GODFORSAKEN SHIT-HEAP OF A TOWN IS 100 PERCENT OUT TO GET ME, CONFIRMED." Lammy robotically stated as she suddenly awoke from the impossibly minor coma that Joe Chin's slamming of her face into his desk had brought upon her and sprung right back up onto her feet as if nothing had ever happened.
"For fuck's sake, SNAP out of it!" Katy yelled frustratedly at her, slapping her upside the head and causing said head to literally spin a full 1800 degrees, which in turn caused it to LITERALLY pop right off and roll/bounce around the room like a big orange basketball.
"OOF! OW! D'OH! OUCH! YICK!" Parappa and Ma-San yelled and grunted in pain as they literally began bouncing off the walls of Lammy's brain, causing her to audibly wince in roughly equal pain as a result.
"Oh COME ON, let's not go losing our HEADS now, at least!" Mr. Horse jeered smugly at Lammy as he stylishly dribbled her head across the room (and between his legs), then flipped it upside-down, spun it around on his right index fingertip and flipped it rightside-up again in a perfect U-turn motion onto Lammy's neck, causing it to almost instantaneously screw itself right back on.
"OOOOOOGH...I think I'm gonna HURL..." Ma-San groaned nauseatedly as she and Parappa dizzily rocked back and forth in their seats from how much they had just been spun around.
"Are you KIDDING?! THAT WAS THE ABSOLUTE BEST MERRY-GO-ROUND RIDE I'VE EVER BEEN ON! Somebody PLEASE let me do it again, PLEASE!" Parappa began laughing maniacally.
"OH, how I yearn for death's sweet embrace..." Lammy slurred just as dizzily and lightheadedly as her highly unwelcome brain stowaways as Joe forcefully, rigorously shook her back into focus.
"Alright, listen up, fellow money-launderer; before we'll allow you to become the new secretary of Joe Chin's glorious fan club, first you'll need to...ACQUAINT yourself with all of the local music masters!" Joe explained valiantly to Lammy, slapping her on the back of the head so hard that it sent Parappa and Ma-San flying right out of their seats and directly into the screen of her central nervous supercomputer, which they left great big literal CRACKS in as a result!
"Geez, I sure hope there's a WARRANTY for that..." Parappa groaned exasperatedly as he and Ma-San slowly but surely slid down the screen like ketchup-and-molasses mixture dripping down a brick wall.
"Don't worry, it's self-repairing..." Ma-San coughed, sputtered and choked, struggling to bring the air back into her lungs as the two of them finally plopped back down onto the veiny, wrinkly, pulsating floor of Lammy's brain once again and reluctantly retook their seats, making sure to fasten their seatbelts this time.
"Um, okay...pray do tell, however, exactly HOW many of these so-called MUSIC MASTERS are we talking about here? And why don't I count as one, HMM?" Lammy asked Joe irritatedly, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot impatiently while Katy also did the same.
"Oh, believe me; if we're talking about making me fucking MOAN like the Phantom Of The Opera after losing the love of his life, then you most certainly DO!" Mr. Horse jeered abusively at Lammy, spanking her ever-so-objectifyingly on the ass while Joe pulled out a surprisingly short list containing all ten of the music teachers from Parappa 1 and Um Jammer Lammy.
"Um, o-kay...but, uh, what about Parappa? Shouldn't HE count as one of them, too?" Lammy asked Joe puzzledly, stroking her chin with her fingers while Parappa angrily ranted about said oversight from deep within the poor girl's head.
"I KNOW, right?! I mean, seriously, COME ON, my game costs, like, literally over TWICE as much on average for Playstation Network purchase than THAT slutty bitch's!" Parappa threw his arms out in front of him and yelled in profoundly arrogant disbelief at what he had just witnessed.
"Well yeah, but it's also not even HALF as wholesome OR as interesting of a game as hers!" Ma-San growled angrily at him, shaking her head in disappointment from his excruciating lack of both musical AND video game taste.
"THEN WHY DOES IT FUCKING COST PRACTICALLY TEN DOLLARS MORE THAN HERS?!" Parappa yelled furiously at Ma-San, tackling her onto the spongy, wrinkly ground in a fit of jealous rage as a great big dust cloud of fists, feet and stars immediately began forming around the two of them.
"Oh, bitch, PLEASE; that fucking colossally overrated sack of white-bread shit has never even performed a SINGLE rap number of his own yet!" Mr. Horse fell over and rolled on the floor laughing at Lammy's almost equally poor taste. "For crying out loud, literally EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SONG on his first two albums so far has been nothing more than him just copying what his INSTRUCTORS say! More like Parappa the fucking VERBATIM WORD REPEATER, am I right?!" Mr. Horse continued, wiping the tears from his eyes and asking Joe mockingly as he finally got back up onto his hooves.
"Oh, don't feel TOO bad; I'm sure you'll get another try SOME day! Maybe an ENTIRE YEAR later, in fucking 2101! I sincerely doubt that THAT game's going to be ANY less of a fucking overhyped disappointment, though!" Ma-San laughed teasingly at (and smugly slapped the back of) Parappa, whose jaw had now completely dropped to the floor in utter disbelief while bitter, salty tears leaked from his now-black eyes that stared blankly and lifelessly at the screen with their pupils dilated into nearly microscopic dots.
"HA HA! EXACTLY, my beloved confederate!" Joe merrily agreed with Mr. Horse, reaching around him and giving him a muchly appreciated pat on the shoulder while Lammy reluctantly nodded her head in agreement with them.
"Come on, Lammy; let's get out of here before these greedy scumbags become any more full of themselves!" Katy urgently commanded Lammy, grabbing her by the hand and forcefully yanking her out of the room and back into the Empire Chin Building's top-floor hallway area.
A FEW MINUTES LATER...
"Okay, so what's the plan for this whole 'ACQUAINTING myself' business?" Lammy asked Katy rather worriedly, blushing and sweating intensely at the mere thought of what Joe and Mr. Horse more-than-likely meant by that statement as the two of them finally finished their elevator ride all the way back down to the first-floor reception room and walked right back out through the building's front revolving door to the latter's adorably cattishly-decorated car.
"THERE IS NONE! Just do what you do best; be a total skanky SLUT!" Katy laughed mockingly at poor, poor nervously-trembling-and-weeping Lammy, hugging her and patting her on the shoulder just like Joe had done with Mr. Horse as the two of them took off to their first and foremost destination while Parappa and Ma-San set Lammy's brain-cam to third-person recording mode and eagerly began reaching into their crotch areas in unbearable anticipation.
AT CHOP CHOP MASTER ONION'S BACK-ALLEY DUMPSTER DOJO...
"STRIP!" Chop Chop (his filthy, smelly hobo self from Um Jammer Lammy, to be exact) instructed Lammy, who involuntarily stripped herself naked, crossed her legs, threw back her hair, placed one hand on the back of her head and the other on her hips, blew him a wet sloppy kiss and flashed her ripely firm and plump boobies at him (once again via internal command by Parappa and Ma-San) while his entire backup unit of onion apprentices violently sprayed copious amounts of blood from their confusingly existent noses and swooned with delight.
"TURN!" Chop Chop continued instructing Lammy as she just-as-involuntarily turned her smoothly sculpted back towards him, teasingly rubbing and spanking her ass all the while.
"BEND OVER!" Chop Chop continued instructing Lammy even further as she literally bent forward against her own will, got down on her knees and spread out her ass cheeks with her tightly clenched hands.
"BEAR IT!" Chop Chop furiously commanded Lammy, harnessing his truly immense inner rage toward the First World and its equally immense arrogance and using it to brutally drive his unwashed, reeking feet directly into Lammy's shitty asshole one after the other, making sure to dig all the way in with them so that they both ended up completely coated in filthy, nasty shit residue.
"NOW WORSHIP!" Chop Chop assertively demanded as he casually sat down on the pavement, outstretching and crossing his greasy spindly legs so that the dirty, fetid soles of his big, sweaty, repugnantly atrocious-smelling feet were all but literally pressed right into Lammy's face.
"Oh, dear lord, no, not this, PLEASE...for shit's sake, ANYTHING but this!" Lammy began helplessly thinking to herself in a fit of terror, causing Parappa and Ma-San to laugh uproariously at her already-clinically-depressed expense as the former smugly removed his left shoe and used the corresponding foot to push her big green YES button while lovingly licking and sucking Ma-San's sexily smooth and padded mouse soles and toes like lollipops all the while, taken aback by how unbelievably delicious the resulting flavor mixture of foot sweat and brain juice was to him.
"Well, here goes NOTHING...I mean, besides basically ALL of my fucking DIGNITY, that is..." Lammy hopelessly thought to herself, illiciting even more insufferably snarky giggles and shit-eating grins from her resident sentient brain parasites as she slowly and reluctantly (yet still COMPLETELY uncontrollably) brought out her tongue from in-between her lips and extended it gradually closer to Chop Chop's unspeakably stagnant, sweat-drenched feet...and closer...and closer...AND CLOSER STILL...AND...
"Yup, it tastes AND smells exactly as I expected...like the rotten fly-infested asshole of a fucking homeless roadkill SKUNK, drenched in moldy liquid Limburger cheese..." Lammy revoltedly, nauseatingly thought to herself, her face turning green with disgust as Parappa and Ma-San unhesitantly forced her to lick, sniff and suck every last square inch of his feet until they were so clean that she could almost see her own saliva-dripping REFLECTION on them!
"That'll be five dollars payment to ME, please!" Chop Chop smugly commanded Lammy, who was already far too busy almost-literally puking her guts out into the nearest dumpster to even hear what he was saying.
IN OFFICER MOOSELINI'S CAR...
"CHECK! AND TURN! THE SIGNALS TO THE LEFT!" Mooselini angrily instructed Lammy while she nervously fumbled about with the steering wheel, wondering which of the two main options her newly acquired brain worms would take on the list of remarkably humiliating and degrading things to force her into doing via mind control...and having her number-one suspicion thoroughly confirmed shortly thereafter by a newly discovered control apparatus that Parappa had just found in the peripheral cabinet of her brain's ridiculously massive supercomputer!
"Actually, you know what? You handle the raping; I'll handle the murdering!" Ma-San began cackling dementedly as she switched Parappa over into the passenger seat while she took the driver's seat, grabbing Lammy's steering wheel with her disprortionately large hands and pushing her gas pedal to the brain tissue with her boner-inducingly long and big-toed foot.
"WHOA, HOLY SHIT, WOMAN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Mooselini began screaming in terror as Lammy tackled her onto her back, stripped both her AND herself completely and "udderly" buck-naked from head to toe and began viciously molesting the poor unsuspecting moose all over from top to bottom with her hands while manning the steering wheel with her impossibly flexible feet.
"YEAH, WHO'S CHECKING AND TURNING THE FUCKING SIGNALS TO THE LEFT NOW, MOTHERFUCKER?!" Lammy yelled enragedly at Mooselini, pulling out a rather cleverly concealed Katy-autographed jock strap from the glove box with her free foot and forcing Mooselini to ever-so-tightly fasten it around her waist for her own selfish convenience while she brutally slugged the poor moose right across the face with her fists all the while.
(Meanwhile, her inner self was helplessly trembling and weeping in shame, naturally.)
"WOO! HIGH FUCKING SCORE, BABY!" Ma-San laughed psychotically as she steered Lammy's vehicle through a great big delicious swarm of people from literally all walks of life, from anthropomorphic miniature piano keyboards to anthropomorphic HUMAN EARS just to name a few.
"OHH...AT LEAST YOU'RE LICENSED FOR THIS, IF NOTHING ELSE..." Mooselini moaned and crooned in immense arousal as the car plowed right through god-knows-how-many impossibly fragile fire hydrants, streetlights and newspaper stands and caused a whole LEGION of unsuspecting pedestrian cars to violently crash and burn behind it while Lammy brutally plowed RIGHT through her cloaca (and therefore into her birth canal) with the dildo while erotically caressing her with her hands and wetly, sloppily licking and sucking her tits with her big, moist, pink-lipped mouth before finally french-kissing her until she finally let loose a climax for the ages.
"SWEET LACTATING MOOSESHA ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDES-BENZ, THIS IS THE GREATEST FUCKING FEELING I'VE EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!" Mooselini shrieked in orgasmic ecstasy as her tits and pussy alike violently quaked and began spraying out literally half a gallon of milk and estrogen ALL OVER the car's windshield and dashboard while Lammy crashed the car into yet ANOTHER back-alley dumpster and then proceeded to lovingly lick up the remaining portion right off of her beauteousy shapen naked body.
"GOOD NIGHT, SWEET PRINCESS..." Lammy softly cooed with delight as she just-as-softly cradled Mooselini's naked body in her arms and casually walked away from the now-burning vehicle, throwing her head back and melodramatically singing "AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" at the tops of her lungs as the car completely exploded into pieces for no apparent reason behind her while a whole cavalcade of undercover cop cars gathered around her.
AT PRINCE FLEASWALLOW'S FLEA MARKET, AFTER JOE CHIN HAD PAID THE ROUGHLY 20-DOLLAR FEE TO BREAK LAMMY OUT OF HER ONE-WEEK PRISON SENTENCE...
"Hey, mon, I just smuggled...er, I mean, FOUND another copy of that precious SHRINK RAY of yours!" Prince Fleaswallow informed Lammy as he furtively dug around in his flea market's numerous junk piles before finally locating said shrink ray and pulling it right out of the pile.
"Mind if I, oh I dunno, TEST IT OUT on ya, fellow pothead?" Fleaswallow asked Lammy teasingly as he maliciously intently pointed his shrink gun directly at her and readied himself to fire it.
"Um, YEAH- (slaps self) -ER, I MEAN, MOST CERTAINLY NOT, GOOD SIR! DO WITH ME WHATEVER YOU PLEASE!" Lammy clutched her head and laughed maniacally, the increasingly awkward clash between Parappa's and Ma-San's control over her and her own free will already beginning to take its toll more than ever as Fleaswallow fired hs gun right at Lammy's mortified, disbelieving face and fired the shot that officially killed her faith in animal humanity once and for all!
TILBOP PART 5
"Oh brother, where am I NOW?!" Lammy groaned irritatedly, then covered her mouth with her hands and loudly gasped in equal parts shock, terror and helplessness as she got down on her knees, gazed straight up into the air and found Fleaswallow, who now appeared to be the absolute largest living being than she had ever personally seen up-close in her entire miserable life, ominously hovering over her in his lawnchair, dangling his crossed legs intimidatingly from the edge of his seat and teasingly swinging his flip-flops up and down from the toe-ends of his freakishly thin and bony frog feet.
"Wow, good thing WE shrank too..." Parappa and Ma-San relievedly thought to themselves.
"Boy, you sure are an awfully pretty fly for an orange lamb...but alas, EVERY no-good scheming fly that double-crosses me meets the same gruesome fate from this day onward! Let's see YOU try to shoplift my fucking weed supply again after I've put YOU through THIS de-animal-izingly grueling experience, shall we?" Fleaswallow glared evilly and growled lividly at Lammy, humming a teasing Jamaican tune as he just-as-teasingly slipped off his sandals and brought his big, slimy, amphibious left foot right down on top of her.
"Yeah, how do YOU like it, HMM? Getting stomped on by my sweaty, slimy fucking FEET? You'd better lick and massage those babies REAL fucking good, you hear me?!" Fleaswallow snarked bitterly at Lammy as he forcefully pressed the surprisingly soft heels, arches and balls of his feet against her now-fully-clothed body (completely ruining her clothes, naturally), rolling her back and forth on the pavement (like a rolling pin flattening dough, of course) and effectively coating her from head to toe in a glorious mixture of mud, swamp moss, dead scaly skin cells and his own rancid pheromone-loaded foot sweat while she just moaned and screamed in agony, licking and worshipping Fleaswallow's disgusting feet against her own will all the while.
"Now go ahead; just TRY and make it all the way up to my toes! WONDERFULLY tasty prizes await for you, I promise!" Fleaswallow snickered sadistically, wiggling his lovely webbed toes as he casually sat down on the pavement, placed his incredibly long feet straight up (from heels to toes) on the ground, covered his soles with warm, sticky climbing glue and pointed his way up from said heels to said toes with his index fingers.
"Okay, just gotta do this as FAST as possible...as fast as...HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I'M GONNA DIE, I'M GONNA DIE!" Lammy began melodramatically shrieking in horror as she reluctantly removed her own footwear and began scaling the smooth, scaly, glue-coated surface of Fleaswallow's bare left sole...when suddenly, Fleaswallow began slowly but surely massaging his way up said sole with his thumbs!
"PHEW! MADE IT! ALL MINE! HIS NUTRITIOUS DELICIOUS TOE JAM! MINE! ALL FUCKING MINE!" Lammy began laughing maniacally as she uncontrollably began eating out the dirty, sweaty lint from Fleaswallow's toe-webbing while he just relaxedly leaned back in his chair, pressed the sides of his feet tightly together, erotically wiggled his amphibious toes and moaned with delight all the while, giving Lammy ample time to climb directly over onto his other foot and repeat the exact same process on the REST of his toe webbing!
"Alright, you little BUGGER, have fun rotting away in my STOMACH!" Fleaswallow laughed uproariously as he lifted the sole of his right foot to meet his gaze and, upon finding Lammy STILL busy stuffing herself silly with his disgusting toe jam, extended out his frightfully long amphibious tongue and literally caught Lammy like a fly!
"NO, GOD, PLEASE NO, NOT LIKE THIS! NOOOOOO!" Lammy shrieked in horror as Fleaswallow pulled her into his massive, gaping mouth and began yet another one of his newly trademarked torture rituals.
"WAAAUUUGGGHHH!" Lammy continued screaming in terror as she plummeted straight down through the esophagus into Fleaswallow's stomach while he just smugly laid back in his chair, rubbed and patted his belly, crossed his arms behind his head and burped loudly with satisfaction.
"AH...all in a day's wor- URRRGH...OWWW...GYAAAAAAH! JESUS FUCK, MY STOMACH IS LITERALLY KILLING ME WITH THE CRAMPS, IT IS! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CRAZY BITCH DOING IN THERE?!" Fleaswallow yelled, screamed, cried and tightly clutched his belly in agony, convulsing and writhing in all manner of different directions as Lammy filed her fingernails and toenails into perfectly razor-sharp blades and used them to shred Fleaswallow's poor, aching stomach into pieces from the inside.
"One frog that has always made me want to fucking dissect him ever since the very first time I met him...DISSECTED!" Lammy began maniacally laughing (SHOCKINGLY out of her own free will, no less) as she pulled out a can of Red Bull from her pocket, guzzled it down like a wild animal and grew magical wings as a result, which she then used to fly right back up Fleaswallow's gullet and directly attack his precious little heart and lungs.
"THIS is for scamming me into buying a fucking PHILIPS CD-I for 500 DOLLARS!" Lammy roared in a fit of quite literally animalistic rage as she pulled out one of Paul Chuck's autographed BITE ME chainsaws from her pocket and went on a horrifyingly ferocious rampage through the now-completely-defenseless Fleaswallow's respiratory system, reducing what astonishingly little was already left of his bronchial tree into nothing more than a miserable little pile of glorified tinder branches, which she then pulled out a match from her pocket and lit on fire (please note, she was doing literally ALL of this out of her own free will).
"And THIS is for trying to fucking EAT me!" Lammy continued roaring ferociously as she made her way through the poor bastard's pulmonary artery into the rapidly, desperately beating sack of cowardice he called his heart, put her chainsaw back into her pocket and used her fittingly blood-red fingernails to deliver the coup-de-grace.
"BLEEEAUUUGH!" Fleaswallow loudly, disgustingly retched and heaved, literally vomiting his bloody guts out and collapsing unconscious onto the ground (face-up, with his left hand over his chest and his tongue hanging absentmindedly out of his mouth) as Lammy disgustedly crawled out from his thoroughly ruptured heart and was grown back to normal size along with her footwear (using the shrink ray's reverse function, of course) by Katy while a massive pool of blood began forming around Fleaswallow's lifeless, X-eyed body.
"Now THAT'S, uh...ONE way to dissect a brainless money-laundering frog...uh, sweetie, pardon my asking, but...are you OKAY? Like, mentally?" Katy chuckled worriedly, trying really, REALLY hard to hide how absolutely terrified she was actually becoming OF the poor thing...and understandably failing miserably.
"..." Parappa and Ma-San speechlessly gawked in stupefied disbelief at what they had just witnessed Lammy doing out of her own free will, with their jaws dropped thoroughly to the floor, their eyelids twitching in disgust, and their pupils having shrunk into dots too small for even a Pac-Mouse while Katy reluctantly loaded Lammy back into her car yet again and drove her to her next destination.
ON CHEAP CHEAP'S COOKING SHOW...
"Your dildo is enchanted, sperm-producing as well; tonight we'll make an EGG if you couldn't tell!" Cheap Cheap sang as she wrapped her lovely, lovely chicken talons (feet, if you will) around Lammy's shaft, pointed it directly into her vagina and vigorously stroked it up and down as if she was churning butter until finally...FINALLY...
"COCK-A-DILDA-DOOOOOO!" Cheap Cheap squawked ear-piercingly loudly with excitement as Lammy's magical Chop Chop sperm squirted and gushed directly into her ovaries, giving her just the chemical catalyst she needed in order to finish making her finest egg yet!
"SQUAWWWK!" she squawked just as loudly as she spread out her legs as wide as they could possibly go (spread eagle position, if you will) and agonizingly pushed the egg out!
"U-um...u-u-uhh...h-HI!" Lammy's and Cheap Cheap's absolutely adorable new redheaded lamb-chick hybrid (whose face looked literally EXACTLY like Lammy's) instantaneously popped out of the egg and chirped, causing Lammy to reflexively go AWW!
"Well, if it's part of the contract, I suppose we HAVE to make her do it..." Parappa and Ma-San sighed, suddenly growing a conscience for once and actually starting to feel ever-so-slightly BAD for poor Lammy as they reluctantly made her do even MORE of the unthinkably obscene.
"OOH, WHAT A YUMMY-LOOKING BABY! OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" Lammy laughed dementedly as she grabbed Cheap Cheap's egg off of the floor, dumped its resident stupidly adorable little sheep-chicklet into her mouth, chewed it into bloody bits and then resoundingly swallowed it.
"My GOD, what in the name of Chickadee CHRIST is going on in that crazy bitch's head?!" Cheap Cheap shrieked disgustedly at Lammy while the poor girl got down on her knees, buried her head in her hands and began intensely, hopelessly sobbing and weeping in shame.
"I could easily say the same about YOU, you know!" Parappa furiously yelled at the equally furiously masturbating Ma-San, bitch-slapping her right across the face in unspeakable revulsion.
IN KING KONG MUSHI'S BACKSTAGE CLOSET...
"The flea that looks like a SPIDER felt all over your bod!" King Kong Mushi sang teasingly as he lovingly caressed and cuddled Lammy's beautiful naked body with his no less than FOUR arms while ramming his unsurprisingly large Jamaican penis into her vagina just as rigorously as ever.
"To Lammy's pre-de-CESS-or, this is quite the nod!" Lammy sang arousedly as King Kong Mushi teasingly bit her left ear and pulled on it with his teeth, then proceeded to extend his unbelievably long extendable tongue through her ear canal and directly into her brain.
"OH SHIT, we better not get fondled by this guy!" Parappa gasped in horror as he and Ma-San desperately backed themselves up against the wall of Lammy's right hemisphere and locked themselves in its emergency bathrooms to avoid getting molested by Mushi's tentacle-like tongue.
"The existence of fetishes like these makes me wanna DIE!" Lammy sang depressedly, referring in equal parts to both the brain-invasion shenanigans AND the fucking erotic nursery-rhyme spoofing as Mushi licked her brain all over from top to bottom while also depositing a HUGE load of semen into Lammy's vagina (don't worry, she generally uses condoms for stuff like this...GENERALLY, at least).
"It's been one of those days..." Parappa and Ma-San returned to their seats at Lammy's central control supercomputer, rested their cheeks on their hands and groaned exhaustedly as Katy drove Lammy over to her next set of destinations, where she would finally get to revisit the exclusive cast of her OWN game!
Giantess World
