“Wait, what?” Rachel asked.

“Yessir,” Joey said, “See, my sister Robyn?  She’s got good ears.”

Robyn stepped up closely behind them.  “Yes I do,” she whispered, as she pulled off a tiny object off the back of Valerie’s collar.  She held up the tiny recording device before the two girls.

“Well, that’s awkward.”  Valerie said.  “So, no foursome?”

“It’s funny,” Joey began, “We were just planning on scaring you to see what we could shake up.  But the bug Rob planted on you today basically confirmed everything.  So you,” he gestured at Rachel, “shoved your roommate up your ass, and you,” gesturing at Valerie, “eat your victims?” 

“Can’t say I’d approve kissing her, Jojo.”  Robyn said, smirking.

“Yeah, I can’t-“ Joey cut himself off when he realized what Robyn called him.  “Come on, man, we had a cool thing going here!  Ya cockblocker.” 

Robyn shrugged.  “You called me Rob.”

Rachel started to say something, then Valerie stopped her by putting a hand on her shoulder.  “Hold on a sec there, before you both get too excited.  PI’s can’t make arrests legally.”

“Nope,” Joey replied.

“So we don’t have to come with you anywhere.”

“You’re assuming something that isn’t true, Valerie,”  Robyn said, leaning her head in between the girls as she put a hand over each of their shoulders, “you’re assuming someone hired us to do this through legal means,” she whispered.

“So now, we bring you in to the people who hired us,” Joey said, “I have a feeling they’re not going to mind taking the law into their own hands, either.”  He smirked wolfishly down at Rachel and Valerie.  “We just had to be one hundred percent sure of who we were taking in.”

Valerie frowned, looking over at Rachel, who returned a slightly more nervous look her way.  Her lips curled up in thought.  “Okay, look,” Valerie began, “Yeah, shoving her roommate up her butt is not the best thing to do in the world, but Katie didn’t actually die from that.  I’m actually the one who killed her, I dropped her into Rachel’s mouth when she was sleeping, and she swallowed her in her sleep.  When Katie was still alive.  That’s the gods’ honest truth.  So.  Rachel shouldn’t be in anywhere near as much trouble as me.”

Rachel’s eyes widened and she tilted her head in a serious glance at Valerie.  “What?  I thought she just died in there.  You know.  After.”

“Nah.  You were sleeping so soundly after we were… ahem, done, and I found her unconscious on the bed between your legs.  And in desperate need of a wash.”  Valerie made a quizzical look of disbelief as she remembered something.  “Yeah, by the way, you’re totally a hard sleeper.  Good god, woman.”

“Is this true, Val?  I mean.  You don’t have to like lie for me or anything.”

“Nope, it’s true.”  Valerie frowned.  “Besides, you shouldn’t have to get into the amount of trouble I’m going to be in just for someone like Katie.  She was kind of a cunt.”

“Yeah, that’s what the word around campus was,” Joey said. 

“Though it doesn’t quite mean you can go around ending lives on a whim,” Robyn said, letting go of the two and backing off just out of their personal space.

Joey shrugged.  “Aight.  Sorry Rachel.  Guess you’re not really joining the party after all.  Vamoose.”  He made a gesture with his hand for her to leave.

Rachel gave Valerie a worried look.  Valerie looked back into her eyes confidently, smiling gently.  Rachel began backing away.  “Will I see her again?” Rachel asked nervously.

“Depends on how she makes it back, and in how many pieces.” Robyn replied. 

“I see,” Rachel said.  “Sorry, Val.  I have to try.”  With a small cry, Rachel lunged at Robyn, trying to tackle her away, but Robyn nimbly dodged out of the way, grabbed her mid-tackle and used her momentum to throw her onto the ground.

“Nice try,” Robyn said turning towards Rachel.  Rachel cursed as she slowly sat up. 

Valerie spun around and aimed a high kick at Robyn’s head, but Robyn managed to also dodge, block, grab her leg and then toss her to the ground.  “Good technique,” Robyn said, “But you fight like a martial arts student in a dojo.  You haven’t applied these skills to a real fight before.”

Joey was casually watching the events unfold, grinning, his arms crossed.  “Man, if you guys can’t beat her, you might as well turn yourselves in now.”

“Damn,” Valerie said, still on the ground, looking up at Robyn with a great deal more respect.  “Can I adopt you?  I’ve always wanted a badass sister.”  She slowly stood up, dusting off her clothes as best as she could, smoothing back her hair and tying it back into a ponytail.  “Oh,”  Valerie said, pouting mockingly,  “That’s right.  You had a sister already.  How did that go?”

Joey lunged at her, growling, set off by her remark.  This time Valerie swiftly hopped to the side and tripped him.  The large man was flipped to the point where he fell on his back hard.  “Shit,” Joey cursed.

“Sorry, big boy.  I told you to bring the vodka, first.”  Valerie said, grinning wickedly.

Robyn leapt forward, giving a hard side kick aimed at Valerie’s midsection.  Valerie didn’t have time to react and she was kicked onto the ground on her back once more.  “Oh god!” Valerie yelled, coughing and gasping in pain, “Please, let’s be friends!”  She joked, but her voice was labored from how much pain she endured from the kick. 

“You’ll come with us then,” Robyn said, and then she turned to Rachel who had been getting up and about to attempt another attack, “And you will stop.”

“Rachel!” Valerie said, “Ough.  It’s fine, girl.  I’ll go with them, you get that sexy ass outta here.  No one’s allowed to beatchoo up but me!”  Students at this time were starting to take notice of the events unfolding, and slowly began gathering around to see what all the commotion was about.

“Damnit, Val,” Rachel said.  She sighed in defeat.  “Fine.  But you better come back or this dragon is gonna be angry with you.”

“Don’t worry, girl, I gotchoo!” Valerie replied, still reeling from the kick. 

“Dragon?” Robyn asked, noting Rachel’s hair colors.  “Chung and Fa?”  Rachel nodded sheepishly.  “Too bad we got off on the wrong feet.  We could have played Mahjong sometime.”

“Okay, how about this,” Rachel began, “We play two versus two Mahjong, and if we win you let us go?”

Robyn frowned.  “While that sounds fun as all hells, do you have any idea what we’re being paid for this job?  Sorry Chung Fa, maybe in another lifetime.” 

Valerie shrugged at Rachel.  “Was worth a shot.”

Joey was now on his feet, and grabbed one of Valerie’s arms.  “You ain’t gettin’ outta this one darlin’.  I’m going to enjoy watching you go down.”

Valerie giggled.  “I bet.  See?  And you thought I was too young for you.”

“Ugh,” Joey said, “Let’s just make contact with the client and get this over with.”

“Very well,” Robyn said.

As Joey and Robyn escorted her away, one on each side of her, Valerie turned back to Rachel.  “Byyyyye!” She sang cheerfully to her worried girlfriend as they left her and several of the recent onlookers behind.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Joey, Robyn, and Valerie were all in a car now headed for a meeting point with the people who hired the investigators.  Joey was driving and Robyn was sitting with Valerie in the back seat.  “So,” Robyn began, turning to Valerie, “You have any parents?”

“Nope.”

“Guardians?”

“Nope.”

“Really?”  Robyn narrowed her eyes.  “From the way you act, I’d say you were in a male-dominated environment.”

Valerie sighed, smiling.  “I was.  But things change.  Especially after you turn eighteen.”

“I see.  So no family?”

“Well.”  Valerie frowned, more out of confusion than being put off.  “I have a few brothers, yeah.  But they’re all way older than me, and we never cared much keeping in touch.”  Valerie leaned her head on Robyn’s shoulder, looking up at her and making her eyes wide and innocent as possible.  “Isn’t this bonding ever so lovely?  Maybe you can tell me more about this sister you two have.  Found out about her after looking you guys up.  Hannah, was it?  She seemed really- ough!” Valerie yelled.  Robyn positioned herself so she was above her seat while Valerie was talking before cutting her off by grabbing her hair and pulling her down along the back seats.  Then, she sat on her face, muffling her short-lived cries of pain and surprise. 

“You better not get any makeup on my outfit.”  Robyn scowled.  One of Valerie’s arms was awkwardly trapped underneath her own body, and Robyn held down the other easily.  Valerie let out some more stifled screaming, trying to twist and squirm to free her arms but she couldn’t manage it.  “So what were we talking about again, Miss Valerie?”

Valerie let out another, slightly more urgent muffled scream into Robyn’s butt before managing to tilt her head to the side, gasping for air.  “It’s hard to talk when there’s butt cheek in my mouth, y’know!?” Valerie said breathlessly.

“Yet still you always seem to make do.”

Valerie made another cry of pain.  Her speaking became strained as Robyn seemed to push down on the side of her head with all her weight.  “Okay!  It’s a sore subject.  I get it.  Please!  I’m sorry!  I surrender.  Oh go-o-od!  My faaashe!” Valerie yelled, giggling despite the torture.

Joey was grinning in the driver’s seat, looking in the rear view mirror at Robyn.  “You kids behavin’ back there or what?”

“She’s fine,” Robyn said, “She just needs to think about what she’s done.”

“I’M DROOLING!”  Valerie yelled, half laughing and half hurting still.  “I DON’T KNOW WHY, BUT IT’S HAPPENING!”

“How much longer is it to the meeting point, by the way?” Robyn asked.

“Not far,” Joey replied.

“NO WONDER WHY YOU AND RAYRAY GOT ALONG, OUGHHHHH!  YOU SHOULD TRY THE FOURSOME IDEA SOMETIME, YOU’D BE SURPRISED AT ALL THE AMAZING THINGS YOU HAVE IN COMMON!”  Valerie was wincing, part of her face smooshed, tears running down her face from how much her awkward position hurt.  But, of course, still laughing like a madwoman.  Her face was now crimson from the combined pressure and hysterical laughter.

“That’s a good point actually.  You probably like this too much.”  Robyn let up, and Valerie returned sitting up in her seat favoring her neck and then adjusting her hair.

“Good god, woman.”  Valerie said, flustered, yet smirking. 

Robyn frowned.  “Your family was rough on you, weren’t they?  That’s why you like dishing out as much pain as you get.”

“Well, they could’ve been rougher.” 

“It explains a lot.  You keep yourself looking great, keep your room nice and tidy, but you don’t make a fuss when something gets messed up.  So you’re not OCD or sensitive to anything of the sort.  It’s almost like you were raised in an environment where you were told that women had to look pretty and clean.  Then you filled in the gaps with being… well…”

“Yes, please, tell me what you’re thinking of saying.  Oh, ye racist badass.”

Robyn shrugged.  “You’d know.”  She smirked, almost pleasantly.

“Ugh!”  Valerie jokingly shook her head and shuddered.

Joey looked back at them disbelievingly in the rear view mirror.  “Are you guys getting along now?  The fuck?  Did I miss something?”

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Joey, Robyn, and Valerie were now standing around where the contact told them to meet up, at the center of a dark alley that branched three different directions.  “God, I hope we don’t get killed,” Joey said, “If we walk outta this with the money promised it’s nothin’ but clubs and drinks, baby.”

Robyn held Valerie’s arm, almost like she was escorting her to a dance.  Truth be told, she was starting to feel a bit bad for Valerie.  Despite everything she did, she was a really likable person, and she felt like in another life perhaps they could have been master and student, along with Rachel.  ‘Speaking of,’ Robyn thought before asking, “Do you know how many people you’ve kidnapped?”

Valerie smirked at Robyn.  Her face was still a bit flushed from being sat on earlier. “Twelve.”  She shrugged.  “I make it a point to remember them all.  They were all very special to me and gave me such a great time.”  Valerie’s eyes widened as she remembered something.  “No, wait!  Thirteen!  Because Katie!”

“Hm,” Robyn said, her lips curling in thought and with mixed feelings.  Give or take a handful or so more shrunken disappearances, that was actually close to the amount missing.  ‘Well, we got our girl,’ Robyn thought. 

  A few short moments later, they heard a masculine voice say, “Ah!  I see we’re all here now!”

A middle aged man with long, dark hair slicked back and dressed in a fancy suit walked out to greet them.  He clasped his hands together.  “Joseph and Robyn, truly you live up to your work.  You delivered results.  So quickly, might I add!  I thought for sure this would stump you.”  He chuckled, adjusting his glasses.

“Pleasure to finally meet you,” Robyn said.  “We have her, we have evidence that clearly involves her, and-“

“And she like totally confessed to you multiple times,” Valerie finished, “And I LET you capture me, hmph!”

The man in the suit grinned.  “Call me Gray.  You see, my company has a, uh, an interest in the university you attend.  We cannot allow you to go unchecked any more.”  He stepped close to Valerie, smiling down at her, eyes gleaming.  He had at least a good few inches on her (though the same amount LESS on Joey).  Valerie defiantly look back up at him, smirking.  “So.  How would you like to start an internship with us?  We can let you have your way with, uh, the shrunken people working with us… every so often?  In exchange, you need to never touch another one on campus ever again.”  He leaned closer, whispering in her ear, his voice getting lower and darker, “Or else.”  He backed off smiling again. 

“HUH!?” Joey exclaimed.

Gray gave a nod of approval, directed at Valerie.  “With our vested interest on campus, we already know of young Valerie.  She covered her tracks well.  I mean, gosh!”  He made a face of astonishment as he said, “You even volunteer to help them.  So many of them trust you, the shrunken and the normal.  And, believe me, we are overjoyed that it was you of whom I have the privilege of speaking with.  You are a perfect candidate.”

“Wait,” Joey said, “Let me rephrase what I said before.  …HUH!?”

“Ah, of course!  You must want your reward.  Well, don’t you worry, my noble sir!  Not only shall we reward you, but we will also hold the president to his word and you’ll receive a lovely sum from him, as well.  In fact, it’s probably best we pay you and you go soon.  Valerie and I have much to discuss, you see!”

“Uhh,” Joey said, starting to say something before getting subtly pinched by Robyn.

“Don’t worry, Monsieur Joseph!  You’ll get exactly what we agreed upon.  No need for any unnecessary backstabbing here!  After all, you both put in such good work on this assignment, we’d like to employ you again someday!  Perhaps even permanently!  And I must say, that is looking more likely than ever!  Ah, but we will also include a bit extra, too!  For your discretion, of course.”  He narrowed his eyes slightly.  “But then I’ll need a word with Valerie as you understand.”

“Yeah…” Joey replied.  He wasn’t too happy with the situation.  Really, he wasn’t sure how he felt about it at all.  Neither was Robyn.  Even Valerie was stunned, and barely processing what was going on.

Another man in a suit walked up with a briefcase from behind Gray.  He seemed to come out of nowhere as far as the three were concerned.  He gently laid the briefcase between Robyn and Joseph.  Robyn, feeling surreal, knelt down and opened the case, revealing a large sum of money within.  “Oh, my,” Robyn said.

Gray smiled, spreading his arms as if welcoming a guest.  “All yours, my lovely dear!  Three hundred thousand dollars!”

“Oh.”  Robyn’s eyes were wide, taking in the sight of all the money, and still thinking through everything that was happening right now.  After some time she snapped herself out of it, closed the suitcase and picked it up.  “Yes, thank you… Mister Gray?  I hope we do get to work again.  If you’ll excuse us.”  She gave a slight bow before tugging Joey’s arm to go with her.

“Wait,” Joey said, resisting Robyn, “How is she going to go to that school if the president would know she was-“

“Don’t you worry about that Monsieur Joseph!  Me and this lovely young lady will work that out ourselves!”  His pleasant face slowly turned to something almost like a scowl, becoming more ominous and dangerous looking.  “If you’ll excuse us.”

“Joey…” Robyn said, pleading.  She was getting a bad feeling about hanging around too much longer.  “Let’s go.  He paid us for our discretion.  We’re professionals.”

“What the fuck, Robyn!?  We’re just going to let this go by?  I don’t think so.  That’s bullshit.  We can turn her in to the police-“

“No, Joseph,” Gray said, disappointedly, “No.  We cannot let you.”

In an instant, Joey seemed to vanish.  “Wha…” Robyn began, “Joey?  Where?  What did you do?”

Gray turned to Robyn, eyes widening.  “Interesting!”

Robyn looked over at Valerie, shocked.  Valerie seemed equally surprised before they both turned to where Joey had been.  In the silence they could hear his tiny voice, and they saw movement on the ground where he once stood.  He had been shrunk.  “I don’t understand,” Robyn said, “Wait.”

“You’re the ones who did this,” Valerie said, looking up at Gray, breaking her silence.  Her eyes gleamed.  “You did this.”

Gray turned to Valerie.  “Oh we most certainly did, my girl.  What puzzles me, though, is we tried shrinking…” He gestured to Joey then Robyn, “The both of them.”

Valerie looked over at Robyn, eyebrows raised. 

Robyn, still in shock, was fighting to form a sentence or a thought of any kind and was stuttering to herself.  She then realized she needed to get Joey out of there, reached down to pick him up and held his squirming body in her hand.  Holding him up to her face, even after everything that happened in recent months, she still couldn’t believe it.  “I… Joey, I’m sorry.”  She started shaking, tears forming in her eyes. 

Gray gave her an amazed look.  “Ah, that’s right!”

“I didn’t… I didn’t want you to find out about it this way, Joey,” Robyn said, tears starting to fall down her face.

“Yes,” Gray said, his eyes now gleaming, “The only people who could possibly be immune to shrinking are people..” He grinned before continuing, “people who’ve eaten a shrunken person before.  We actually tried shrinking young Valerie here as a test to make sure she was, indeed, the kind of person she said she was.  No offense, dear.”

“Oh my god,” Valerie exclaimed, cheerfully choosing to overlook the last part of what Gray said, “SISTER!”

Robyn, despondent, looked down.  Holding Joey in her hand, despite their size difference, she couldn’t look at him right now, and just awkwardly held him there.  Joey looked up at Robyn, still getting accustomed to his new size, and the view of being held by his giant sister, and said, “No way.  Hannah, Robyn?  HANNAH!?”

“She…” Robyn shrugged sadly.  “I don’t know what happened, or how she got there.  But I was eating cereal one day, and I felt her in my mouth.  Squirming near one of my tonsils.  At first I thought maybe it was a bug, but… when I tasted her, I knew it was her.  And… I couldn’t help myself.  I figured she was already there, so why not… go through with it, and pretend it was all a big accident.”  Robyn felt horrible having to say it all out loud, here of all places, but a part of her couldn't help but enjoy what had happened.  Just like she enjoyed it in that moment, as well.

“I FINALLY HAVE A SISTER!” Valerie said triumphantly.  “BEST DAY EVER!  Er, oh, oops, sorry,” she said sheepishly as she realized the moment they were having.  “And sorry… big boy?  Little boy?  But you’re too naive and innocent for this brave new world with such people in it.”

“Yes,” Gray said, “Yes, young Valerie.  You’ll fit right in.”

“AM I SURROUNDED BY DEVIANTS!?” They all managed to hear Joey yell.

Everyone looked at each other, even Gray and the man who brought the briefcase all shared looks with the others, and they all shrugged and nodded, murmuring in agreement. 

Joey collapsed onto his sister’s palm, rubbing his face with both hands.  “Fuck me.”

Robyn sighed.  “Look.  I’m prepared to keep discretion on this.  I was, if you recall, trying to lead my brother out of here before he got us in some kind of trouble.  And if you ever want to employ me again I’ll more than likely take the job.  Just… please, you made your point.”

“Now more than ever,” Gray said, “The next time we talk it must be on a permanent basis.  I can’t believe we found two people to help with what we’re doing!  As gifted as Valerie here is, this was definitely worth the time and money invested!  But yes, please, I’m sure you have much to sort out.”

Robyn gave a sad look.  “Yes.”  She turned and left, and as they left Valerie heard objections in a small voice coming from Robyn’s hand.

Gray clapped his hands together, rubbing them as they met.  “Ah, alone at last, my dear Valerie!”

“I don’t know what you’re going to say, or offer me, but the answer is yes.  A thousand times yes.”

“You are just the gift that keeps on giving.  You don’t even need to know the details?  About your new job, or why we do what we do?”

“There’s only one thing I want to know, at least, for right now.  If I recommended others to join, would you allow it?”

Gray smiled wide.  “Absolutely.  But of course that is predicated on how well you do for us.  If you perform as admirably as your grades suggest you might, then anyone you recommend can work with you, or anywhere in our organization to have the… insurance… of being employees there.  And trust me.  We have all kinds of positions for anyone attending your school.”

Valerie smiled, a fire burning bright in her eyes as she considered the possibilities.  “Great!”