----- Sunday

I slept in. Do you blame me? If you recall, I had an interesting night. You remember that ancient Chinese curse, right? May you live in interesting times.

Zoe was still in bed with me when I woke up. She was awake before me but I didn't know for how long. Cindy had obviously been up for a while since her bed was empty.

"How are you feeling today, Sam?"

"Ok, I guess."

"Cindy's making breakfast. Wanna get up?"

"Sure. How are you doing?"

"I'm good, Sam."

"Is she naked?"

"What do you think?"

"Then I suppose there's no sense in me getting dressed. Or you. Look at you."

She giggled.

"Yeah." I said. "We better get up. Or I'll ..."

"You'll what?"

"Never mind. Let's go eat."

Cindy had tea already made for me. Once the three of us sat down I really needed to talk to them.

"So, you two heard what happened last night, I assume?"

They nodded their heads.

"Zoe? Why you?"

"Why me, what?"

"You're the one that came to me. Why not Erin? Or even you Cindy?"

"We thought Zoe would be best." Cindy said.

"We?"

"The three of us. Erin too."

"Did you volunteer, Zoe?"

"We all did, Sam."

"Well, I appreciate that. Both of you."

"What happened with Zoe after Julie left, Sam?" Cindy asked.

"Nothing, Cindy." I answered, somewhat dishonestly.

"But you two slept together. And in the nude too."

"I don't see why you, of all people, should care if we slept in the nude."

"Running around naked is one thing, but touching each other naked is intimate."

"Nothing happened. Right, Zoe?"

"Uh, yeah, right. Nothing happened last night, Cindy."

"So then what did you do?"

"We held each other."

"That's it?"

"That's it." Zoe said. "I like holding Sam."

"Didn't he get aroused?"

"Oh, he got aroused alright. Look, he still is."

They both looked at Mr. Happy who was saluting.

"Oh, sorry girls. I'll take care of that later. Hey, that smells good, Cindy. What're you cooking?" I asked.

"Oatmeal. I put maple syrup in it."

"That's why it smells like pancakes."

And Erin showed up right on cue. I ran up to her and we hugged, my face in her bare stomach.

"Sam? Are you ok after last night?"

"I'm ok. Really. Come sit with us."

It was a bit tough on Erin to sit at the little table but she managed by sitting on the floor. I wanted to change the subject.

"Erin, did I tell you that I'm adopting Zoe as a sister?"

"I heard about that. You can't do that. It's not legal."

"I know. But we can pretend."

"Oh goody. I like pretending."

"Erin?" Zoe asked. "Would you consider changing your name to Chloe?"

"Um, why?"

"I always fancied a younger sister and her name would be Chloe."

"Oh."

"Zoe and Chloe?" I said. "You can't be serious. Don't you have a better imagination, or do you think your parents don't?"

"I thought the name fit."

I shrugged.

"But it's ok." Zoe said. "Even though I'm older than Erin, she's more like the older, and bigger, sister I never had, so Chloe won't work."

"Oh, this is so cool. I have a little sister." Erin squealed.

The fact that Erin and Zoe were getting along so well made me feel warm inside, and almost made up for last night. Almost.

"Sam?" Erin began. "What's going to happen with you and Julie?"

"I wish I knew."

"What are you going to do?"

"Good question. Julie's not here and I don't know where she is. I can't confront her to find out where we stand."

"Do you want to leave her?"

I thought for a while. "I don't know, Erin. I'm pretty sore about last night but I wouldn't want to let one night cloud my thinking. Of course, it was a pretty significant thing that happened. And it's not just up to me. I think she might want me no more."

"I hope you and Julie get back together."

"If we don't then you'll just have to accept that."

"But you have to, Sam." Cindy blurted out.

"I don't have to do any such thing, Cindy."

"Everyone's depending on you."

"Then they're crazy."

"If you two can make it work then then any couple can."

"I don't see what our relationship has to do with anyone else."

"You're an inspiration."

"So?"

"Because of your differences."

"In size?"

"Yeah."

"Hmmm. What do you think, Zoe?"

"You have to do what you have to do, Sam."

"What does that mean?"

"You have to survive."

"Do you think Julie's dangerous?"

"You know her better than I."

"Yeah, and there's nothing to worry about."

"If you say so."

"I'm fine. Let's eat."

Cindy did a pretty good job with breakfast. For an amateur, ha, ha. But it didn't matter how bad or good it was, I was very grateful she did this for me.

"What're you going to do today, Sam?" Erin asked.

"I don't know. It's Sunday. Go to church, maybe?"

"We don't go to church."

"I guess not then."

"Are you feeling particularly churchy since last night, Sam?" Zoe asked.

"No. Maybe spiritual. So, then, what do you guys want to do?"

"We don't have to do anything."

And so we didn't other than hang around the house.

I stared at Zoe and it made me think about last night. I had told myself before not to let that sort of thing happen. Was she feeling sorry for me? I'm sure she sincerely wanted to help, but did she understand all of what she was doing? Was it a one-time thing? Did she really want to? She's put me in a bit of a dilemma. I couldn't keep putting her off if she chose to try again. One thing for sure: we turned a corner in our relationship.

Could Zoe take for me the place that Julie had? Nah! I put that thought right out of my head as fast as I could. Besides, there were other candidates for that position. I thought of Kaycee. Sharon perhaps, even Tee. Damn, I have to stop thinking like this.

And then there was Julie. What was in our future? Is there even an "our" future? I could only wait and I figured it would be a few days before I heard from her. I figured wrong.


----- Julie

It was early afternoon when we all heard the front door open. Julie ducked under the doorframe and was standing in the living room. We looked at each other for a moment then she shuffled off to the bedroom.

I looked at Erin, then Zoe, then Cindy. We didn't say anything but we all understood. I had to talk to Julie so I ran after her.

I closed the bedroom door behind me. Julie was sitting on the bed.

"You're back."

"Yeah."

She couldn't look me in the eyes.

"Ok. I'm glad you're back, I guess. Where did you go?"

"Mom's."

"I didn't expect you back so soon."

"Jill and I fought. I figured it would be easier for me to be here."

"Don't be so sure."

"You don't know how bad a fight we had."

"Ok. Fair enough. What now?"

"I'm ..."

"Don't say it! Just ... don't."

"Fine. Would you put some clothes on? Have you three been hanging out naked all day?"

"Oh. Sorry. We just never considered getting dressed since getting up. Zoe and I fucked last night."

"YOU WHAT!?"

"Not really, ok? But she wanted to help me so much. It was very touching, especially after, you know."

"Maybe you should let her help you. You've helped her."

"Well, that's between her and I."

"Why do you want to help people so much?"

I shrugged. "Zoe needed help."

"You help everyone."

"No. Not everyone. Geez, I can barely keep up with those I'm helping now."

"And so I mocked you last night."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"Please don't be snarky. I'm trying to apologize."

"You know what they say: love is never having to say you're sorry."

"Fuck you!"

"Yeah. You did."

This shut her up for a little while. She looked away again. I just stood there transferring my weight back and forth from foot to foot. Finally ...

"You're going to win this argument too." Julie pouted.

"This isn't an argument."

"You always have a better comeback."

"Fine. Talk. Whether I have a comeback or not shouldn't be the criteria for who wins."

"Then what is?"

"Whoever is more right."

"That's a matter of perspective."

"And I'm sure you're perspective is higher than mine?"

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"Think about it."

"I didn't have a very good night last night."

"Yes, and I had a very good night. And to answer your next question, yes, that's sarcasm."

"Sam, I don't want to loose you."

"Choose your words very carefully little girl. You better be damned sure about that before blabbing it."

"Really, Sam. You have to believe me. And you probably shouldn't call me a little girl. Not anymore."

"You're a big girl physically, but I'm not so sure about your maturity."

"You were always more mature."

"And you mocked me for that too."

"Yes. I'm not proud of what I did."

"I hope not."

I sat down on the bed next to her. Then I got up.

"Oops." I said. "I'll put some clothes on now."

I resumed my place on the bed after getting dressed.

"Do you need to start back on your meds?" I asked her.

"No."

"Sure?"

"It was different last night."

"How?"

"I wasn't out of control."

"Then you actually wanted to do what you did last night?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of? What exactly?"

"Promise me you won't get mad at me for this."

"I'm already mad."

"Please."

"No. Just say it."

"I, um, got off last night."

"Oh great. You get off on hurting me."

"No."

"No? Then what got you off?"

"Control. Maybe? I don't know."

"Well fuck me. Oh, that's right, you did."

"You are mad at me."

"Do you care what I think?"

"Yeah." she said, sheepishly.

"I don't think so."

"But, you're wrong."

"You like being big, don't you?"

"I didn't want to be big."

"Your new friends convinced you that being big is really cool, didn't they?"

"Ok, yes, I like being big. But I didn't at first."

"Tell me why you like being big?"

"You know."

"How could I know? That sort of thing is completely foreign to me."

"Oh. Well, because people are different now."

"How?"

"They're smaller, like kids. And they listen to me, like kids."

"I always listened, even when you were short. So I'm a kid to you now."

"Nobody tries to take advantage of me."

"Because they're afraid of what you might do to them for pissing you off. One look up at you will put fear into anyone's heart."

"And I don't have to look up to anyone."

"This is certainly true. But you can take advantage of people and you don't have to deal with consequences like the rest of us do."

"So? What's wrong with that?"

"So? So, you can't care what I think. There's nothing I can do to you that will hurt you. No consequences. No need to be afraid. No need to be concerned what I think."

"But I do."

"I don't think you care what anyone thinks. Everyone looks up to you and wants to be your friend now. Isn't that right?"

She paused to think. Then,

"Maybe you're right about everyone else."

"Yep."

"But you're not right when it comes to you."

I frowned.

"I do care what you think." she said.

"You didn't last night."

"I was, um, experimenting."

"Hitler experimented on the Jews in World War Two."

"Ok, I get it: I fucked up!"

"Big time."

"What's going to happen?"

I sighed and paused for a brief moment before speaking.

"I think we should take a break and reevaluate what we truly want."

"What are you saying?"

"I need time to think before making a decision. I can't do that with the emotional scars of last night still gaping so wide. I have to ask myself: do all the good times we've had together outweigh that? With last night's debacle fresh in my mind, the scales are not tipping in your favor, Julie."

"I can make it up to you?"

"And what do you propose to do?"

"Whatever you want. I don't want to leave you, Sam."

"No one's making you leave yet."

"It's your house. You can throw me out."

"And where are you going to go? You can't go to your mom's because of Jill. I'm not going to throw you out on the street."

"I can find a friend to stay with."

"Do what you want."

"You can sleep with other girls."

"You mean my little tramps."

"They're my friends too."

"By the way you talked about them last night I should think not. Your friends are the ones that told you to dump me. The ones that said I was too fucking small. I'm sure you can stay with one of them."

"So, we're breaking up?"

"I DON'T KNOW! Don't ask that. Not yet."

"You don't have to shout."

I looked up at her and she looked down at me. Basically, I was putting things off until later.

"I'll ask some of my friends." she said. "One of them might have room for me."

"You do that."

I slowly walked out of the bedroom to tell the others.

I told them all about what just happened. They were all thinking this was the end but I tried to convince them that it wasn't. There was still a chance.

None of us did much the rest of the day, including Julie. I didn't see much more of Julie that day but the girls, especially Zoe, stuck with me. When one would leave another would take their place. I guess they were keeping Sam watch. I didn't need it. Did I?



----- The rest of the week

I couldn't get Saturday night's catastrophe out of my mind, except at work. I suppose the hurt of it forced me to push everything out of my mind when working on the problems at hand. Concentration was good therapy.

I had lunch with Jennifer. She sensed something was wrong.

"Nothing's wrong, Jenn."

"You're not yourself."

"I don't want to talk about it."

So she didn't talk about it. The rest of the week we talked of mundane things; anything but last Saturday night. However, I knew that she knew something was up.

Cindy was always relieved to get home after work. I could tell the little monsters, I mean the cute children she taught, were eating at her. But we all knew this wouldn't last much longer. I think that's what kept her going. That and Gabe. I knew they were in contact and I really did feel good about them too. They were two of my best friends and I was proud of introducing them to each other.

Julie took Zoe to see her doctor on Monday and I was truly grateful for that. Now Zoe would have a proper prescription for the meds she needed. I took her to the clinic that night too and mingled while she talked with Dr. Sarson, I mean Leslie, and big Zoe. She came out very excited.

"Well?" I said to Zoe on the ride home.

"Well what?"

"Don't keep me in suspense. What happened with Zoe and Doctor, I mean Leslie?"

"Well, I can go there on Mondays and Thursdays, but not as one of the group."

"Ok. Then what will you be doing?"

"They want me to help out."

"Help out?"

"Yep. As a councilor. They think that since I have the disease too then I can relate better. They think it will do the others good."

"That's great."

"First I have to get employed though as an assistant." she said beaming. "I can't just do that until I'm under the watch of an LCPC."

"Why all the formalities?"

"I don't have my professional license yet. But don't worry. Zoe talked to her boss today. He is definitely considering hiring me. But I need to collect all my documentation from before."

"Will you be able to do that?"

"Oh yes."

"I'll cross my fingers. This is good news. Right?"

"It is very much good news, Sam. I want to thank you so much. This wouldn't have happened without you."

"Sure it would have. You're the one that's doing this. Not me."

"You're too modest." she said leaning over the seat and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"At least Jill wasn't there." I said. "I'm not sure I could have faced her tonight."

"Oh, she was there, Sam. She was just avoiding you."

"Someone that big avoiding me? She must be talented at hiding."

Tee came home with me Monday from the clinic too. She wanted to hang on the inversion table. Big surprise there, huh? So did Cindy and Zoe who were being extra nice to me the whole week. I think Tee picked up on that. I know what you're asking so I won't keep you waiting: she was three feet five inches on Thursday night. Cindy, Zoe and I hadn't grown so now I was only two and a half inches taller than Tee. She was now a whole three inches taller than her shortest a couple weeks ago. If she suspected anything with Julie and me she was too excited from hanging to mention it. But that didn't last.

Julie brought Sharon home Tuesday evening so that Sharon and I could practice.

"I heard you tore up the dance floor this weekend, Sam." Sharon asked.

I looked to Tee first before answering.

"I don't know what Tee told you, Sharon, but if the floor was tore up it was because I kept falling on it."

They laughed.

We had a good practice session but before Fred came back with Erin in tow they literally cornered me in the office.

"Uh, Sam?"

"Yes, Tee."

"Ok, I've been holding my tongue since yesterday. I sensed it last night and Sharon has been talking to Julie the past couple of days and we want to know what's going on with you and Julie?"

"What did you hear?"

"Not much, Sam." Sharon said. "I tried talking to her at work, but, I don't know. She's been playing silent the past couple of days."

"Well, give it a couple of more days."

"Can you tell us anything?"

"Maybe I don't want to talk about it either."

"Something did happen between you two." Tee said.

"Look, Tee. Life has ups and downs. You know that. Right now we're kind of at a down point. Can we leave it at that?"

"Are you breaking up?"

"Don't ask me that."

"Ok. Let us know if there's anything we can do."

"You're doing it. Thanks."

Fred had brought Erin home from work Tuesday then left to go home with Sharon and Tee. I'd see Tee again on Thursday where I'd bring her home from the clinic with Zoe.



----- A job

And by Thursday, Zoe had her answer to the question of being employed with Inner Peace and Mind -- the place where big Zoe worked. She was in! Unfortunately, she couldn't really work Thursday night since she wasn't officially employed until Monday. It was still great news!

She would also be working most days of the week too. And she would get paid. But there was a catch: she had to take online courses to finish her masters.

"Zoe! You're going to get a masters. How cool is that?"

"Don't be too impressed, Sam. It's just a piece of paper."

"You're going to get to help people professionally though. That's even cooler."

"You think so?"

"Of course I do."

"I'm happy to you say such a thing, Sam. Not many people even think like that. Outside of therapists that is."

"All of health care thinks like that."

"You're not in health care."

"I care about my health."

Zoe shook her head at that remark. She still went to the clinic Thursday night just to talk and I got to see Jill. It was probably by accident though. She didn't say much. I wondered what her fight with Julie was like. On second thought, no, I don't want to know.

Sharon and I sang at Mike's that Friday but it was short; just a couple songs. It was just as well since I wasn't really into it.

Julie was still home every night although we talked little. We were at least civil although we never slept in the same bedroom. I had a little talk with her Friday night though.

"So, how's your search for a friend to take you in?"

"Not going well."

"I told you that you don't have to leave."

"I know. I feel bad staying here though."

"Why?"

"The girls hate me."

"That's between you and them. But I'll tell them to try and cool it. Ok?"

"Thanks. Did you make any decisions yet?"

"No, Julie, I have not."

"Just thought I'd ask."

"You'll be the first to know, I promise. Look, I have a favor to ask of you."

"Ok."

"Next week I'm taking a trip to Utah."

"Yeah, I know."

"It might do me good to get away from it all."

"You'll still be working."

"But that'll take my mind off of things. Maybe with a clear mind I can make some sense of all this. Maybe a decision."

"Ok. You want me to wait until then, don't you?"

"Why, yes. Of course I do. But that's not the favor I want to ask. Zoe is starting a new job next week."

"I heard." she said, smiling. And, to my surprise, I felt good seeing her smile.

"I'll be leaving Monday and won't be back until Thursday afternoon or even early evening. I won't be able to chauffeur her around to and from work and the clinic. Do you think you could drive her?"

"I would love to, Sam."

"Good. I'm sure it'll get you points with her and she won't hate on you so much."

"That's good, but she hates me the least."

"Well, whatever. I'll owe you."

"No, you don't."

"We'll talk about it later."



----- Leaving on Monday

It took longer than expected to make all the arrangements for the trip but I didn't have to do it; they did it all for me at work. I'd never been to Utah. It was about as far as Arizona so yeah, it was pretty far and involved a few hours of air travel.

I like flying but airports majorly suck. Necessary evil I suppose. It was a little like when I went dancing, in that I was in a forest of legs. If I hadn't studied the airport diagrams before-hand I would have never found the right gates. I can barely see the signs when that many people are around. I also got bumped into a lot. Sheesh. At least I can fit in the seats better than the bigger people.

So I spent the weekend packing and getting ready for the trip; I didn't want to wait until the last minute. The weather was nice and warm all weekend and also on Monday so the flight was pretty smooth. As soon as the plane got into the air I started missing everyone, including Julie. Was this a clue to the answer I was searching for?