----- Next week

It was back to work again. Since I was working ten hour days this week I couldn't bring Tee and Jill to the clinic. I let Jill take the pickup since it wasn't being used anyway. I certainly couldn't drive it anymore.

I had lunch with Jennifer most days this week. I told her a little about the weekend, but mostly about Tee. Jennifer had a good laugh when I told her about me going dancing.

"You're brave, Sam."

"No, just foolish."

"Why go? You don't have to go if you don't want to."

"I didn't want to let the girls down. Besides, they can be very pushy."

"Julie?"

"Cindy. And Erin."

"Your sister?"

"Yep."

"Well, what about Julie?"

"Nah. She doesn't like dancing any more than I."

"That's good. Because if she wanted to make you go I don't think there's anything you could do to stop it."

"You're right."

"Is Cindy still dancing naked?"

"Not this time. She'd wanted to though. Oh, let me tell you about yesterday." I told the story of the bets. She got a kick out of us making Cindy keep her clothes on.

I wanted to tell her more that Monday but we had to get back to work. I figured I'd be a lot more tired than I was after working a ten hour day. The bad part was I didn't get to see Jill or Tee to find out about their time at the clinic that Monday.

Tuesday was pretty much the same. I took a detour on my way home to see some new homes being built, even though it was getting dark early. At home Julie asked me if she could bring a new friend over.

"Sure.", I said. "Why not have them come over on Friday?"

"That might not be a bad idea. After the show at Mike's?"

"Yeah. By the way, Sharon is coming over tomorrow and probably Tee also."

So Wednesday night was set. That day I invited Jennifer over since there wouldn't be any wild parties. She declined. She said it would be too late for her and wanted to spend time with everyone when she came over.

By the time I got home Wednesday night everyone else had showed up: Sharon with Tee, Jill, and even Erin was there, having finished working that day since she had the day shift. Sharon and I did a little rehearsing for Friday and Jill cooked some chicken cacciatore. Yummy. I helped her clean up after we ate.


----- Jill

"Hey, Jill, that chicken was delicious. Where did you learn to make something like that?"

"Mom taught me."

"Why doesn't Julie cook?"

"She was never into cooking."

"I'm glad you are. Thanks."

"You're welcome, Sam. I'm glad someone appreciates my cooking."

"We all do."

"I guess. I seldom get to cook for everyone though."

"You're welcome here any time to cook. Well, not just to cook."

"I know. You know that Sharon is really getting into playing the guitar?"

"Good. I was hoping she would."

"She still needs a little more practice, I think. But don't tell her I told you that."

"Your secret's safe with me. But don't worry. I'm pushing her. She's bound to get better. How was it at the clinic Monday?"

"The usual. I'm helping them keep the records straight. Someone writes it down and somebody else puts it in the computer. They're working on getting computer tablets so they can skip the step where someone has to type the handwritten notes in."

"Good decision."

"It costs money. The drug company is putting a lot of money into it. In fact, they're the ones paying me. I never knew how much money could go into something like this."

"Yeah, it's big business. Sometimes with all the money flying about they forget that they are actually dealing with real lives, huh. Don't get caught up in that, Jill."

"I won't. I'm there for the people with the disease."

"You've really turned out to be special, Jill. Not many would do what you're doing."

"Aw, Sam. I'm just trying to fit in, I guess."

"Well, you're doing good. What made you want to do something like that?"

"I want to work helping those with the virus."

"Because of me?"

"If it weren't for you I'd have probably never heard of it. But, it's more than you. I don't know exactly. I like working with -- don't take this the wrong way -- little people."

"I can see that. Do you think this is something you'd want to do as a career?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure what I can do though."

"You'll figure it out. I'm proud of you, Jill."

"Thanks, Sam. That means a lot. And thanks for letting me use your pickup truck."

"It wouldn't get used if you didn't drive it."

We moved to the living room and were around the fireplace. I had just put another log on the fire when we heard the knock on the door. I wasn't expecting anyone.


----- Wednesday night bad news

I opened the door; there was a uniformed policeman standing there.

"Are you Mr. Cook? Sam Cook?"

"Yes, I am."

"I'm corporal Garcia with the county police. May we talk?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Come on in."

Everyone had come to see what this was about. I made introductions.

"This is my girlfriend, Julie. Her sister Jill, my sister Erin and these are my friends."

He was looking way up at Julie. "Good evening, everyone.", he said. "Sir, can we talk in private?"

"Sure. Uh, let's go to my office."

I shut the door behind us. To say I was nervous would be an understatement.

"Mr. Cook, let me get right to it. Did you know a girl named Samantha Damark?"

"No.", I said shaking my head.

"This would have been a few years ago. She had reddish brown hair.", he prompted.

"I knew a girl back in school like that but her name was Samantha McDougan."

"I see. Was this in Arizona?"

"Yeah. That's where I went to school."

"A girl named Samantha committed suicide two weeks ago in Arizona. She left a note behind mentioning one 'Sammy'."

My heart sank.

"The police in Arizona have been looking for this 'Sammy' and they were led to you. I'm here on behalf of the Arizona Department of Public Safety. We're trying to confirm if you are 'Sammy'."

"Samantha and I used to call each other Sammy, officer. Everyone called her Sam and of course that's what they called me too. So we came up with a name that only us two would call each other. I can't believe it's her. How did this happen?"

"How did you know Samantha?"

"We dated for all of about two weeks. Then she just disappeared. I looked but I couldn't find her after that."

"Did you know she had Borgford's disease, like you?"

"Yeah. I figured she was the one who gave it to me."

"So, she told you?"

"Oh, no. I just put two and two together."

"I see.", he said, writing notes in his pad. "I'd like to show you a recent picture of her. Can you tell me for sure if this is the girl you dated?"

"Sure."

He pulled out a picture of Sammy. I immediately knew it was her. My eyes began to tear up as I nodded.

"How did this happen, officer?"

"Let me ask you one more question first."

"Go ahead."

"Did you recently publish songs on the Internet?"

"Yes. I have three of them now."

"Well, it seems Ms. Damark downloaded those songs a few weeks ago. The officials in Arizona speculate that this is what led to Ms. Damark to, well, to push her over the edge. And it helped them identify 'Sammy', that is, you."

I was devastated, to think that someone I knew killed themself.

"I believe I can say with surety that you sir, are the 'Sammy' that Arizona is looking for."

"Am I in trouble?"

"I should think not. But we have to wrap up all loose ends, you understand. I'll report back to Arizona and they should be able to close this case now."

"How did she do it?"

"I could tell you the details but I warn you: you may not want to hear them. I would think twice about that."

"I suppose it's not important then."

"I can give you a copy of the letter if you want."

"Your letter to Arizona?"

"Her last letter, Mr. Cook. The suicide note."

"Oh, yeah. I guess so."

"We don't ordinarily do this, but it was addressed to you after all."

As I was seeing him out he gave me his business card.

"On the back is the Arizona DPS case number. If you have any questions you can call me, or if you call Arizona you can give them this number."

"Thank you, officer."

When I closed the door, everyone could see that something was very wrong.

"What's the matter, Sam? Are you in trouble."

"No. It's about an old friend. A friend that just took her own life."

I recalled the short time I had with Samantha. We met in the library. I was studying; it's nice and quiet in the library and they had nice comfy couches you could semi recline on. Samantha caught me laying like this when she started our first conversation.

We talked, or rather I talked; Sammy was a good listener. After a while of talking that first time I became self conscious and tried to get her to talk about herself. I think she liked this. It made her smile. She smiled before as I was talking all about myself, but when I tried to get her to talk her smile seemed to have become more genuine. Funny, but as much as I pried, I couldn't even find out what she was majoring in.

As I remembered her smile I began feeling melancholy. The whole two weeks came back to me from the back of my mind. How we would take walks in the late afternoon when the temperature was cooling and we'd watch the sun set. How we'd give each other massages. The name we gave each other: Sammy.

She wasn't very tall, but I was still shorter. She was maybe five feet four inches if I'm not mistaken. I had wondered how small she shrank with the disease. If only I could have seen her once again. Maybe I could have prevented her from taking her life.

I told the girls my story of Samantha: how we dated and then how she just fell off the face of the earth. Of course, I didn't know her real name back then; she kept it from me. I told them why we called each other Sammy. How we met. What we did together. It felt good to get it out. I had told literally no one of this before.

I read the suicide note to them:

     Dear Sammy,

     I hope you can forgive me for what I have done to you. But it is unforgivable.
     By now you know that I gave you the virus; the disease they now call Borgford's
     disease. You see, while most carriers don't even know they have the disease
     until it is too late, I knew that I was contagious. I knew what I had done. I
     gave the virus to you on purpose. A very selfish purpose.

     I don't know why I ran from you. I guess I couldn't face you knowing what I did.
     I tried to forget it all and I almost succeeded, but your songs reminded me of
     how beautiful a person you are. I have no right to live for such a wrong I have
     caused. I'd like to put the blame on another, but it is fully my fault. I make
     no excuses and accept full blame.

     My dear, sweet, Sammy. Try to remember the good times we had, though it was short;
     they were the best times of my life. And now it has to end.

I could barely make it through reading it out loud to everyone there. Jill ran out of the house when I was finished with the note. We heard the pickup start and she sped off. I can't believe she took it so hard.

Everyone hugged me. Even Tee. Especially, Tee. She seemed to have been crying along with me the most.

"What're you going to do, Sam?"

"I don't know. I need some time to think."

We talked all about this the rest of the evening. People left around 10:00. Erin took Sharon and Tee home, seeing as how they were supposed to go back with Jill. Cindy slept in her room, which left Julie and I alone. It was a short time, not enough for me to figure it all out, but to come to a decision.

That night Julie and I had some time to talk alone.

"So. You must really be bummed, huh, Sam?"

"That's an understatement."

"Did you ... love her?"

"I think, maybe. Yes."

"Two weeks?"

"Yeah, only two weeks. Things were going so well, then bam, no more Samantha."

"I'm sorry, Sam."

"Don't be. If we hadn't broke up like that then maybe you and I wouldn't be here together."

"I know. You miss her though."

"Of course. Look, Julie, I knew you first. I really don't know how things would have turned out if Samantha and I had stayed together. I'd like to think that I still would have ended up with you."

"Thanks, Sam. It's strange, isn't it?"

"Very. I mean the whole thing doesn't make sense. Why would she do something like that? What selfish purpose could she have? Who else could be to blame? And how did she know she had the disease? The blood test wasn't even invented until this year."

Julie shrugged.

"Well, you know what?"

"What, Sam?"

"I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'm going to make some phone calls tomorrow and I need to talk to the personnel department at work."

"If there's anything I can do ..."

"Thanks, Julie. Just being on my side means more than you can know."

"Hey!"

"What is it?"

"I know. Remember I told you about Dr. Rosenberg?"

"Oh yeah, the one who did research on Borgford's disease."

"Maybe she can help."

"Hmm. I can't see where she can help out yet, but maybe I should talk to her anyway. Do you think you can get in touch with her?"

"I can try."

"Ok, good. I still have things to do but if I can talk to her before I go that would be great."

"Where are you going?"

"Arizona."

I decided then that I had to go back and find out the mystery of Samantha. I had to do this.

"Can I come?"

"I'm planning on staying for a week. Can you really get off that long?"

"I don't think so."

"Why don't you stay. I'm going to be very busy. Plus, it's pretty hot down there."

"Are you going to be alright?"

"Absolutely. I was there for four years on my own. I think I can handle it."

"Alright.", she said, her head hanging low, "It's probably best I stay. Just remember to come back."

"Ha. That's funny. There's no way I'm not coming back to you."

"I'll miss you while you're gone."

"I'll miss you too but I'll be back before you know it. You won't be alone: Erin and Cindy will still be here."

"I know."

"I'm sure they'll keep your mind off of me."

"It would just be a temporary distraction."

"I have to do this, Julie."

"I can see that. I won't stop you."

"It won't affect what we have together. Ok?"

"Ok, Sam."

She picked me up for a great big bear hug. It felt good.