This diary is where I list all of my thoughts. They can only be recorded here. Sometime I might like to release them to the rest of the world, but I know that I can’t. And there’s one simple reason. It would be far too embarrassing for anyone to find out about me. Whenever I’m not writing in this diary, I keep it hidden upstairs, under lock and key, so that even my parents cannot get it. Why? Probably because I am pretty weird. I never was popular at school. I made a few friends, but many of the other girls made fun of me, and the guys mostly ignored me. Whether it was having my stuff hidden from me, I was… not much of a looker throughout my teenage years, but I thought things were starting to look up in that regard. I think it’s time to give myself a looks update for this entry. So I suppose it’s time to take off my clothes and give myself the inspection. No peeking ;)
I was born with brunette hair and a relatively pale complexion. My skin was still pale to this day, as I didn’t go outside too much. I kept my hair about shoulder length. It was straight, as I wasn’t really the type to do anything fancy with my hair. I was just very slightly pudgy, which was a huge improvement from when I used to be very fat. As I examined my body in the mirror today, I could only see just a bit of my belly sticking out. Of course, this meant that my parents are having to scramble to get new clothes as I keep losing weight. I don’t really mind though. I was really trying to lose weight, and it’s been paying off! My braces were removed last week, and as much as I hated them I think they were really a good decision now. My pearly whites are shining white back at me! Gone is that crooked smile the girls have been making fun of so much.
Not to say that being fat in the past has had no drawbacks. My boobs are looking pretty good. I hefted them up a little bit ago to look at them. Each of them is about a D cup, and they stand up pretty firmly. Each little red nipple was cool to the touch. I think that they are pretty fine, and I can really appreciate how they hang firmly on my body now that I’ve lost some weight. When I examined myself in the mirror tonight, I realized that I have a pretty good set of hips as well. With my complexion clearing up, you’d think I’d be the look of the school. But… Dear diary… there are still two problems with that.
The first is that I am short. And not kind of short. The type of short where other girls look over me, not to mention guys. I am still, at age 16… the whopping height of 4’9. Legally a dwarf. People bump into me all the time, and pretend I’m not there. It’s gotten better. As I said, I do have a few friends at school. But I do feel like I’m invisible to most people unless they’re making fun of me.
I have another problem as well.
I am… kind of weird. It’s hard to write this out, but it’s true. Most girls seem to be into clothes, shopping, soap dramas… but my interests lie squarely in the… well…
One of the main things I do at home is pretend to do what I cannot. And that is show myself off. I’m an exhibitionist. Whenever I get myself naked in the mirror like I did today. I can’t help but get a little turned on. I can’t help but think of other people looking at me, wanting to touch me. It’s so hard, because I get so easily embarrassed that I can’t do anything at all. But really there’s nothing I’d like more than being the only naked person in a crowd. Everyone looking at me, touching me, lusting for me. Boys AND girls. If they’d adore me like that, I’d do anything for them. Even in public.
Especially in public.
Yet reality is dull compared to that fantasy. Besides you and I, diary, the only one who really gets to look at me is my dildo. A few weeks ago, my friend Amber gave me one as a present. She often did like to tease people. It was after we saw a dirty Adam Sandler movie to make fun of it. Apparently there was a dildo based on the movie, and she thought it would be funny to give it to me. Little did she know, that I have put that dildo to use since then. It even has a vibration setting! A part of me would like her to watch me using it, but I know that’s pretty weird as she’s my friend. The thing is still kind of damp from when I was using it earlier. Maybe I would give it another whirl tonight before I go to bed. Although my hands might suffice…
Oh well. It’s time for the exhibitionist to retire for the night. Good night, Dear Diary.