An older model Oldsmobile passenger car, a real 'Classic', comes rattling down the left-hand lane of the four-lane roadway. Speeding past all of the shopping centers in the large bustling City of Greystone, PA. Smoke pouring out from beneath the rearend, the car appears as though it's running on it's very last legs:
4:30 pm. Tuesday, Aug. 31st. 2016 Handcock County, PA.
Constantly contending with their churning mess of extremely long hair, while trying desperately to keep it from blowing across their faces; two dudes are tooling along on the four-lane. Taking the route, that will allow them to cruze past the Mall.
Buddy Thorn, riding 'shotgun' in his 'best Buds' car, a scruffy looking, long haired punk rocker, sitting back on the passenger side of the old dilapidated Cutlass Supreme.
Casually, he's kicking back with his knees apart; frustratingly, he tries to contend with the wind briskly coming through the open windows. Without air-conditioning, there's no chance to roll up the windows, even if they did actually work... (the power windows stopped working years ago, and they didn't even attempt to get them fixed).
Wearing his best; a worn out pair of blue jeans all covered with holes, and sporting his favorite T-shirt, a dirty black, 'AC-DC' concert shirt. He bends down and grabs his knees, coughs a few times, and clears his throat,
"This sucks, Man!"
Flipping his hair back, he glances all around. Looking over to a large billboard sign, he suddenly notices something that attracts his primal interest.
After reading the sign, he looks over at the driver, Jack Barker. A similar looking man, with the same long-hair. Buddy glances over with a smug grin, and with lightning speed, he punches Jack in the shoulder.
"Hey, Man, Look-at-That!"
Jerking around, and yelping out, Jack jerks his head away and curses!
"What the Fuk!..."
Switching his attention away from the two blonde girls walking along the sidewalk in front of the entrance to the enormous shopping center.
"Hey man, look at dat' sign over dare'!".
Wincing with stinging pain, Jack reaches out in retaliation and swiftly punches Buddy directly in the center of his chest!
"Ouch! You fuckin' shit, Damn Man, Not so Hard!"
The old rattle-trap swerves over to the berm, quickly slowing down, as Jack jams on the brakes. The rusty brake rotors start releasing an overpowering sound, a shrill nerve racking blast that instantly sends a shudder down your spine.
The sound is way worse than a set of fingernails on a chalkboard and what was even worse, it's so much louder!
"Dude! What the Fuck!"
The two guys were grimacing with pain, as they slowly pulled over on the side of the wide shoulder.
"What freakin' sign?!", Jack scowls, still rubbing his shoulder.
Jack, the smarter of the two, whips his head around, slinging his hair back. He's the spitting image of David Lee Roth, and he does his best to imitate everything about the lead singer, of this most excellent rock band.
"Signs, signs,.... everywhere's Signs,... which one ya talkin' bout, Dude?"
Jack and Bud had just been freshly laid off from their delivery jobs at the Pizza Shop and they were both presently looking for any type of work that they could find. They desperately wanted to make some money for the upcoming weekend, and the 'End-of-Summer' Party, that was about to happen soon. However, most currently, their prospects weren't looking so good...
"Right There!", Buddy yells, pointing his scrawny finger at a large white sign right next to the Beauty Salon.
Looking out through the cracked windshield, all covered with grime, Jack managed to lean forward over the filthy dashboard and spot the small white painted sign.
'Earn Five Thousand Dollars. Three easy steps!'
"Whoa,... Dude, that's Awesome!", Jack's eyes lit up with excitement.
"Let's Go!", Buddy yelled.
Reaching up, Jack jerked the shifter down into 'low', still holding the brake down, he pressed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor.
While still firmly holding on the brake, he held the car in place for just a few seconds before quickly releasing it.
The 1984 Olds Cutlass Supreme roared to life. Jack stomped on the pedal, and the muffler fell off. The engine screamed, and a thick cloud of black smoke exploded all around the decrepit old vehicle...
"Whoa,... Yeah, let's get it, man!", Buddy yelled!
The rear tires both sank down, nearly deflating, as the pressure from the drive shaft twisted through the rusted axles. The worn out treads biting down into the hot asphalt started slipping with overpowering force and the thin black rubber surface instantly started peeling away quickly forming a thick noxious gas!
"Yea, Dude,... Thrash It!"
As the hind wheels started melting into the hard blacktop; the bi-colored paint job, a partially botched up red base primer, gave the old beaten up jalopy a sudden flair. An incredible ferociousness seemed to explode from beneath the frame! The old car sprang to life one last time!
A sudden burst of flames flashed out in an unexpected explosion and both the driver, and passenger, swiftly exited the vehicle. The thick cloud of heavy black smoke drifted upward through the air, creating an ominous looking cloud that seemed to hover above the car like some strange looking beast; slowly drifting higher, it enlarged while slowly leaving the appearance of the aftermath.
The car suddenly changed from its initial impression; the front end lifted up and the rear end sank down... the fire spewing, and swiftly spreading through the dashboard.
Within minutes, the whole interior was completely engulfed and the entire car was nothing but a ball of flames!
Then, as if operated by some unknown presence, the speakers began to produce the blasting sounds of the AC/DC anthem, 'Highway to Hell'.
"I'm on the Highway, ...ta Elll, - - High- Way,... ta 'ELL!
"I'm on the High Way ta .....ell ellllllll _
Yeah, an I'm goin' DOWN, down, dowwwwnn!!"
A huge plume of thick, black, smoke, billowed upward as the smoldering cars melting appearance slowly changed to a solid gray color.
"Whoa,... Dude, Let's get out of here!", Buddy turned around to find his friend Jack already sprinting across the parking lot.
"Hey,... Hey, wait up Jack!"
Standing in line at the reception desk. The sign above Jack and Buddy's head read:
'Experimental Test Group'.
There was suppose to be a five thousand dollar payment for this test.
The test was to suppose to be performed by some qualified representative from one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the U.S.
However, it seemed a bit unorthodox, there wasn't anyone there but a single little woman sitting behind this small desk counter, filing her nails with an over-sized emery board...
"Shouldn't there be a 'real' doctor or, at least a nurse, ...or somebody with a lab coat on?"
The office was right next to 'Nancy's Beauty Salon', and as Buddy and Jack stepped through the door, they turned around to see the fire trucks pulling up outside. Sirens wailing and lights flashing, the four-lane roadway completely blocked off, traffic started backing up, and a crowd was gathering around the burning vehicle.
Turning back, Jack noticed that there were only three guys ahead of them in line for the purposed 'Test Group', ...and being the smart one, he was quite quick,... he swiftly tapped Buddy on the arm. Pointing out the fact that the guys ahead were completely distracted.
While everyone else there was looking out the window, they quickly stepped around them, Buddy following behind, and they effectively slipped around to the front and stepped right up to the counter.
Mr. Jack Barker, cocked his head to the side, and tossing her his best, 'determined expression', (Really, he thought that he was, the,... David Lee Roth) he leaned over the countertop, eyeing the impish looking little wasp, sitting behind the counter, ... he winked down at her, and ask her her name.
"Hi, I'm Jack. What's your name, Little Girl?"
"Jeanie. Are you here to sign up for the testing?"
"Yeh, I guess so. Where do we sign up?"
The way that she looked up, made them feel kind of weird. Both men had all of their personal belongings rolled up inside of a single rucksack, and as they stood there waiting, they looked like a couple street bums standing in line.
Adjusting her square shaped glasses and wrinkling her nose, the tiny woman acted as if she was speaking to child,
"You 'do' understand, that this test is completely experimental", the short little woman behind the desk whispered.
As if she was trying to turn them away, she acted extremely nervous and preoccupied.
"There could be some 'complications', with this test. Are you still interested?"
Squirming around in her oversized desk chair, she tugged on her short skirt tail.
"Whas That?", Buddy asked. Leaning forward, and bending over the countertop.
"Just,... Oh, never-mind. Let me see here,... where did I put those papers..."
Sighing, and awkwardly yanking downward, she hopped in her seat, bouncing her butt around in the chair, while scooting forward, she pulled down roughly on the hem of her skirt.
"Yea, well,... it does pay five grand, though?", Buddy said while stepping forward and leaning over the desk. "Do we get the check today?"
"Hold your horses there, big boy! There are some forms and papers that you must completely fill out before we can start the procedure."
" But, Yes, to answer your question, the money will be sent directly to your bank account.
"So, we won't get the money until the project is finished?".
Handing them both a clipboard with several sheets of forms clipped to it, she waited for them to take it, and then walked them both back to a small folding table.
"Fill all of those out as completely as you can, and then bring them back up and give them to me, Okay?"
"Okay, ....where do we sign up?"
"It's hard to believe that this incredible 'thing' all, took place, in less than a single day." And now, here I am, standing in the darkness of this huge house, trying to escape from these enormous women that had just taken me prisoner.
"Okay, okay, I know,... I'm jumping ahead just a bit here, but ...this has all been such a rush, that I'm a little confused myself!
"The testing was some kind of trick. We ended up getting a shot. Well, actually 'two' shots, one in each hip, and after that, the only thing that I can remember is waking up completely naked, and stuck inside of an enormous woman's purse!"
"Jane? No, no, ... it's Jeanie, yeah, that's her name, Yes, the tiny little receptionist at the desk; as she so sweetly told me, well after I was taken out of her purse, and roughly dumped out onto her coffee table".
"I don't know exactly what happened to Bud, ...but I'm damn sure, that he was somewhere, suffering the same fate. He was ahead of me in line, when the little woman at the desk, (Jane,... no, I mean, Jeanie.) took him into the small cubical and told him to get undressed."
"She told me the same thing, and directed me into another small cubical right beside where she had placed Buddy."
She gave us two injections and told us to wait.
Long story short,... she 'shrunk' us! I don't know how, but,... Damn, those shots shrunk us down to fuckin' 'Doll size"! Hell, now here I am, and, I'm small enough to fit into the palm of her hand!"
"These women are, I mean like, all four of them, are like,... like, freakin' Giants! All of them! Jeanie, and her three sister's: :Jane, Samantha, and Chloe. I swear to God. All of them are like,... Freakin' 'Giga-Giagantical' Monsters!
"Anyway, she took me home with her and dumped me out on her coffee table. I was freaked out when they all surrounded me, while I was just standing there completely bare ass naked on this Giga-huge fuckin, majorly frickin,' Large Ass Coffee Table!
I'll tell ya later, what they actually did to me, but right now, I'm just trying to get the hell out of here...
"Okay, So, here I am, now, ...all alone finally, it's actually a big relief,... but this whole entire day was like some kind of freaking, 'Twilight Zone' Nightmare' Man!".
"I mean like, I've done some shit that I'm not particularly proud of, but, what the hell was this! Some type of freakish punishment? Some weird purgatory, or interplanetary plane, where certain people were sent to get their own particular type of punishment?
"That petite little woman at the desk, Jeanie? ...and her three younger sisters, ... well, it turns out, that they all live together in this house. So, I got to meet with them, 'all of them at once', but, it was like, Wow Man,... It was like fuckin' 'nothing', that I've ever experienced!"
"But, like I said, I'll tell ya everything that happened after I get down off of this fuckin huge-ass table!"
Blindly, looking down toward my bare feet; the polished wooden surface beneath felt cool and slippery. I slowly inched my way along. Stepping forward and silently squatting down.
Getting as low as I could, I felt like an insect sneaking along on this incredibly huge dining room table. Completely naked, I felt as light as a feather. The darkness within the huge room had a strange effect on everything around me.
Being totally dependant on my memory alone, I reached down and brushed my fingers over the wooden surface. Trying to make sure that I was still safe, I listened intently for any noise or sound. If my memory was correct, I was exactly two or three 'full body' lengths', away from the edge...
If I was wrong, then nothing would matter anyway...
I slowly made my way along the smooth wooden surface. Using my toes and fingers, constantly searching for the edge of the cliff, I quietly crept along the gigantic table top.
Slowly making my way to the other side where, hopefully, I could find the spot where the giant chair was left tight up against the tables edge. If I could find the huge chair, I might be able to slide down onto the seat. Once there, I could climb down the leg and get down onto the floor.
I knew that I didn't have to rush, because everyone inside the house had gone and was sound asleep by now, or so I hoped, and if they were, it had to be around midnight, so then I knew that I had several hours to get down from this mountainous table top and find somewhere to hide from those big women.
This huge place was so intimidating, from my newly acquired perspective, and if not for the fact that I had this one chance to get away, I probably wouldn't have been able to even think,... about anything!
"Ah Ha, There it is,... I think I've found the chair!"
"Now, I just,...