I was sitting in my dads study trying to write an article for the school paper while trying to keep my mind off the fact that my boyfriend hadn’t called me in three days. He hadn’t even shown up at school and when my mom ran into Jacen’s father at the grocery store. She said he looked worried and his eyes were red. Red like he had been crying.

            Then the house phone rang, I could hear it ringing nearby even though the study has its own phone line. I looked around for a second and saw the cordless lying in the chair opposite the desk. I wasn’t going to get it at first, but I did and I don’t really know why. Maybe it was fate, or chance. It could have just been dumb luck.

            “Hello, Sanchez residents….Jenni? Is that you?” The moment Jenni said my name I knew something was wrong. It was all in the tone of her voice. It was wavering and unsteady. Jenni’s my best friend, we do everything together. We use to tease Jacen when we were younger. He would be playing in the sandbox there backyard and we would always find ways to give him a hard time. One time we got the garden hose out and snuck up behind him. We had the cold icy water on fully blast and Jenni had hose kinked several feet away. I called Jacen’s name, he turned around, and Jenni released the hose. The cold streaming water shot out at him. We covered him in water, and soaked the sandbox.

            There are so many good memories like that, but this time, this wasn’t one of them. I asked Jenni what was wrong and she didn’t say anything for a long time. I really don’t want to talk about it pauses, it was those I don’t know what to say pauses.  She said my name again and my heart racing. I could feel it pounding against my chest. Chelsey my little cousin came running into the room. I turned to her with an icy stare.

            “Get out! Get the F’out!” I yelled and slammed the study door shut behind her. I could hear my mom drop a dish on the floor and come stomping in my direction. It was at that very moment she told me. Jacen’s dead. She said just like that. No lead up, no beating around the bush.

            I didn’t know what to say. My entire body felt weak and I stumbled. I had to grab the wall for support as what felt like a thousand gallons of water were pressing against my eyes that were acting like a dam struggling to hold the waters. The waters rising with each memory of Jacen that crosses through my head until memories overload everything. The dam bursts in all its glory as the study door swings open. I watch my moms face change from anger to confusion.

            My mom keeps saying what’s wrong, what’s wrong while Jenni keeps saying my name over and over again. Miranda, Miranda, Miranda. I couldn’t believe it. Out of all the people I thought could have, or should have, or deserved to die today I never thought one of them would be Jacen. He was too good, to responsible, to nice of a person.

            That was three days ago. Three long days ago, I can’t do anything without thinking of him. I can’t even look at myself. Everytime I walk by a mirror I see me. My tan Asian skin, my dark black hair, and I hear Jacen say “Hey Shorty!”. I can’t even get mad at him like I always do when he calls me that. I just wish he was here so I could get mad at him. Punch him, hug him, kiss him. Do all the things I did that I wish I could just do one more time.

            I can’t though, I can’t even cry right now. I have to be strong. I’m here right now with Jenni. We are about to see the body you see. I know that if I cry, if I break down so will she and this is hard enough without all of that going on.

            We both walked into this dank room of the hospital, it looked like it was ripped right from one of those cop drama shows. The room was lined with oversized drawers. The attendant pulled the furthest drawer open and said he would be outside. We both waited for him to leave before we neared Jacen’s body. I didn’t know how I was going to react but I knew I couldn’t cry.

            My breathing started to become erratic as we neared. I was standing right over him now, only a thin white sheet separated me from him. Jenni and I looked at each other and nodded. She said, her parents told her that he is burned badly. They still don’t’ know how or why.

            Jenni pulled the sheet back and we both gazed down at the disfigured body. Jenni immediately started crying but I just stared at the body. I couldn’t peel my eyes off it. I looked up and down the body. My eyes probing it carefully, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

            “Jenni” I said with a trembling voice. “It’s gonna be alright, because this isn’t Jacen.”