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Author's Chapter Notes:

Hiya. Not dead. Just very lazy. But here's a silly little Super Mario short story. I hope you enjoy.





                                                                                                                                                                                                                  World P-1                   Lives x 1 


“Let’s a go!” Came the Italian plumber’s cheer as the familiar theme song of his adventures played from no particular source. Mario wasted no time in taking off in a full sprint down the colorful and strangely perfectly aligned path of blocks and bushes. His first adversary for the level was coming in fast, menacing eyes glaring at him from a doughy brown mushroom-shaped figure.

“This time you’re mine fat man!” The Goomba yelled. Mario simply grinned and jumped, landing on the creature with a fierce stomp. The mushroom monster flattened like a pancake underneath the all-powerful Italian loafers before vanishing in a puff of smoke. In his place the number 100 hovered for a brief moment. Mario paid the imaginary numbers no mind and continued his run.

“Woo hoo!” He cheered, jumping freely through the air. Up ahead was a large and peculiar landmass but the plumber charged on fearlessly. Five round pillars roughly the size of the overall-clad hero were coming in hot, attached to some large and quite frankly wrinkly platform. At its side sat another similar shaped mass. To be frank it resembled a foot more than an actual platform. Anyone who could see would be able to notice that.

But this wasn’t just any old Italian plumber like Luiga or whatever his name was. No this was Mario. The man who traversed countless worlds time and time again. Who would be a papier-mâché man, a robot, a space traveler, a boxing referee and whatever else it took to stop Bowser from kidnapping his woman in the same week . And then he would go go-karting with him because that was the sort of man he was. Giant foot or weird wrinkly platform it didn’t matter; he hopped right on that thing.

His loafers landed softly on what resembled a big toe, sinking into the doughy surface. Up close Mario could see detailed lines decorating the entire platform, ridges and print marks big enough to fit a finger. He arched a curious eyebrow but kept running with the same adventurous smile, firing off a triple jump that cascaded him all the way to the arch of the foo- I mean platform! A weird smell hung in the air and from behind Mario peeked over his shoulder to see the five pillars from before moving precariously in an indistinct pattern.

“Mamma-Mia they’re coming right-a for me!” The Plumber cried out (When in fact they weren’t moving anywhere near him) and jumped up to the heel. From here he slid down the edge of the platform like a slide. His bum raced along the squishy surface with slight friction. From here on out everything was smooth for what seemed like hundreds of feet. The ground had a slight curvature like a cylinder with a slight dip halfway through and the same peculiar skin-tone as the previous connecting platform. One might call it leg-like even. In the distance the twin platforms met at a pair of large and glorious hills, partially covered in some strange pink fabric.

Mario practically glided over the smooth surface. Each step squished slightly in the soft yet strangely firm ground. Never breaking his pace the speed-running champion of the Mushroom Kingdom began jumping repeatedly for that extra bit of speed, screaming “Wa-hoo!” and “Yippee!” each time with no signs of stopping any time soon. 


In the distance it sounded like someone was humming happily, quite loudly in fact. Mario shrugged. Up ahead were a straight line of brick blocks that drove the plumber’s obsessive brick smashing tendencies up a wall. With almost robotic methodology he jumped and bashed his skull against each one and watched it break and vanish, wearing the same ever present smile and jumping forward for the next one.

Before long the hills that seemed so far away before were looming directly in front of him. Large, glorious mountains that strangely didn’t have faces on them like the usual ones in his regular adventures. No, instead these had some kind of pink and frilly cloth covering most of them. Never one to think or falter however, Mario jumped right onto the hill where his legs sank to his knees. Without missing a beat he grinned and bounced, the hill squishing underfoot and launching him upwards like a trampoline.

“Weee~” Mario laughed as he came back for the next bounce. The hills were springy and cushiony enough to propel the man indefinitely. They jiggled and rippled with each jump the man made. He bounced back and forth between them not unlike his signature wall jump, slowly working his way up. The hero had to exercise caution so as to not land in the pit between the two hills. The pink cloth-like thing covered it but in his platforming experience Mario knew not to trust it.

In no time at all he stood at the top of the twin peaks. A single brick block floated overhead to reward him for his efforts. Mario heard a loud Ding and a coin pop out from the top of the block as he struck it. Giddy laughter escaped his grizzly and awe-rendering mustache while he took his sweet time bouncing on the hill and milking the block for all it was worth. Twenty coins later Mario sighed happily and slid down the other side of the hill to resume his travels.

Here is where it got treacherous. Large blonde threads hung over what was otherwise a flawlessly smooth surface. There had to be thousands of them, each big enough to knock the plumber back and moving with each slight sway of the wind. At the top of the entire thing was a castle that looked eerily like the crown he often saw Princess Peach wear. But fearlessly and without thought Mario rushed in, quickly crossing the skin-tone surface past the hills and onto the wild and wavy world of bright yellow. With almost masterful precision Mario hopped, skipped, and woo-hoo’d his way up the surface. A couple large strands of blonde came in with a sudden gust of wind, narrowly avoided by a skillful duck and slide maneuver. Slowly but surely progress was being made. 

Then the sound came, a sound straight from the deepest bowels of Lava World. A sound that was music to the ears of everyone who wasn’t Mario: the sound of time running out. The upbeat and cheerful music that was playing before escalated and grew frantic, rushing to finish not unlike the Italian platformer was now. The goal pole was nowhere in sight yet and he now had seconds to spare.

Up ahead he could see his possible salvation: a question block. “Please-a be a Tanuki suit.” Mario prayed cheerfully, jumping into it. As it would turn out the block had something even better: a Mega Mushroom. 

“MAMMA-MIA!” He cheered triumphantly, watching the gigantic golden mushroom slide from the block towards the ground. From there it would slide into him, he could go mega and get through this no sweat.

That is, if the block didn’t faze through the ground instead.

Mario blinked. He had never seen anything like this before in all his days as a part time plumber, kart racer, party-goer, referee, space traveler, sports master, Olympic winner, and full time hero. Sure there was that time in space when the Mega Mushroom fell off the edge of a platform but this? This was new.

Then a loud sound deafened him. The distinct and familiar sound of the power-up working, but on who? 

As if to answer him the entire level grew, expanding at an exponential rate. Everything was getting bigger. The platforms, the hills, the wavy blonde whatever’s that he was standing on; all of it grew exponentially. Before Mario knew it he was lost in an ocean of blonde. The goal pole was farther than ever with no visible way to even progress any further.

Turning his eyes skyward Mario looked up at the timer and saw it hit zero, sighing. “Always next-a time.” He shrugged, expecting to faint any second now and have to start over.

The darkness of losing a life never came though. Instead the entire world moved, shifting onto its side. Mario screamed in horrid terror as gravity freed him from his yellow fate and sent him down to the vast pit below. Except it wasn’t a pit. It was…ground? Dirt and bricks like the rest of the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario landed completely unharmed with nothing but a confused expression and some slight dirt on his crimson cap. But not for long. 

The enormous level Mario had been speeding through continued to move, flipping over once again and adjusting itself. Recognition finally dawned on the plumber. The hills he climbed gleefully on were now above him, larger than anything he had ever climbed or faced. He gulped and watched as they came in towards him. The sky was blotted out by a vast wall of pink, everything quickly went black.



“Ah~ Time to flip over.” Peach sighed. Her swimsuit clad body shined in the glistening sunlight with a faint sheen of sweat. There was a slight crunch under her butt when she flipped over but the Princess shrugged it off. It was probably just a bug or something. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                       World P-1              Lives x 0

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Game Over




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