'Fuck you, these dice are loaded.' shouted Rane.

'Hah, that or you just suck at games of chance, my friend.' Jared retorted.

The dice had come up snake eyes, again. Rane took two coins from his pocket and flicked them across the table to Jared. He looks angry, thought Jared as he slipped the die into his jacket, I should make it up to him. Looking around the room, his eyes stopped dead when he noticed the girl. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. They always are, he mused, especially when I'm drunk. Still, she was exceptionally gifted as far as her ass and tits went. Damn.

'Hey Isen, look at that girl, she's hot right? I know I'm drunk, but holy eff.' His whole lot of companions turned to meet their mark. Five sets of wide eyes would now stare intently at the poor woman, standing in the corner all alone. She didn't appear lonely, but surely she was. For why else would a girl of that rare beauty be perched alone on the far side of the bar. Her eyes turned to face the group, but quickly darted away, focusing back on her half-emptied cup of mulled wine.

'Yup, she's a fine specimen that one. Her appearance is only made more radiant by those gorgeous locks that lay abreast her soft shoulders. And that necklace accents her pillowy mounds all the better.'

'Holy fuck Isen, you normally sound like a smart dweeb, but I had no idea you became a poet after a third cup of ale.' Wrat scoffed. He spat at Isen's feet, a glob of pale snot globbing onto the boy's dark boot. He shook it off with disgust.

'And you my friend Wrat, are naught but the vilest of creatures to walk this lengthy plane. Named of the rat with a rodent's face to match. You could never conquer such a maiden fair.'

Jared watched, one eye focused on the ravishing figure by the bar, the other enjoying the sight of Wrat exploding in anger, fists flying towards the flesh of Isen's face. He missed, of course, he was blind drunk, and stumbled to the dirty tavern floorboards. Isen poured out the end of his drink onto Wrat, a stream of amber ale that sputtered against Wrat's back as he recovered. Isen laughed, they all laughed. But Jared's true trajectory still lay on the features of that mysterious woman. She noticed his laugh and returned a quick smile. Then Wrat kicked out at Isen, missed and caught Cairn in the shin. That, was a mistake.

The hulking lad rose from his drink. A huge grin spread across his face as he lumbered from his stool. The foot that thudded into his ankle hadn't budged his thick calves. Still, Cairn always enjoyed a touch of violence himself, all in good fun. The wall of muscle lay his sole to rest on Wrat's chest as the boy flopped over. Cairn let himself lean slightly, forcing his heel into Wrat's sternum. The sopping youth let out a yelp.

'Get off! Argh! Get off me you ogre. God damnit your feet stink! Let me go!' Cairn eased slightly, and the sniffed loudly.

'I don't smell it. Tell me Wrat, do they stink of manure perhaps? I was working the field most of today, and I might have accidentally stepped in some. I probably should have wiped my feet before I came in, but you'll have to do...'

Wrat wrestled furiously, finally releasing himself from underfoot. He jumped to his feet, frantically rubbing at the spot of unknown brown muck that laced his clothing before pacing off to the bar with a huff. Everyone laughed again, even Rane. Between the girl and the scene at their table, he seemed to have forgotten the coins that Jared now slipped into his trouser pocket. From across the room, a stout boy with plump cheeks strutted towards the far end of the bar, clearly intent on wooing the stranger.

'Steady yourself lads!' he pointed to the corner, just as the boy approached his target. He leaned in, nearly planting his sharp nose in the girl's ample bosom before her hand lashed out and slapped hard. The group hastily wrapped their hands around nearby implements: the table legs, their seats, each other. Boom! Uproar followed as the short boy fell down to the floor, flat on his ass, neck still craned forward as the floorboards quaked. He shuffled backwards and rose. With a quick shake and a mocking bow, he turned away from the lass and sauntered towards the table. Cairn was nearly doubled over in laughter as the boy arrived, the table near collapsing under his weight. Tears were rolling down his face and into his drink. He slammed his fist into the table and it shook.

'Ahaha! Guess that didn't go quite right, eh Pinchy? Ahahahaha!' his words streamed out between tears of laughter. Pinchy's face was beet-red with embarrassment.

'I'm really not sure what I did wrong! Naturally, I forewent cliche pleasantries and complimented her on her silver necklace. And when I tried to get a closer look, she hit me! I was just checking for symmetry, you know? I mean, would hate to have to let her know that she was a lopsided angel, could be fatal. Nothing that ample bi-manual massage couldn't have cured, naturally. Still, her loss I guess.'

Pinchy sat his generous arse down beside Cairn, who immediately wrapped his arm around the shorter boy's shoulders. Pinchy sagged under the giant's embrace, Rane pushed a drink across the table to rest directly in front of the sulking boy's eye line.

'Don't worry, Pinchy, I'll show you how it's done. A girl like her could never resist my, ahem, wit and charm.' prattled Rane. Excusing himself from the table, he gave his linen shirt a quick ruffle and started towards the woman. His back arched and chest peacocked, Rane practically strutted. What, an, idiot, thought Jared. He watched intently as his unlucky gambling comrade strode with drunken deliberation past the other tables of patrons. Unwavering with inebriated determination, Rane leaned in along the bar an arm's length from the girl. Jared watched as Rane uncurled his usual stream of banal remarks with practiced ease. Bored with the inevitable failure of his drunken mate, Jared turned back to the group.

'I've got two bits that say he strikes out as hard as Pinchy.' Somehow, Pinchy sulked down into the table even deeper, chin now planted against the wooden table with a defeated expression. Wrat returned moments later, two mugs of liquid confidence nestled in his fists. He purposefully plunked next to Jared, and opposite Cairn, who smirked menacingly and cracked his knuckles.

'Where the fuck is Rane? Wait, did he go hit on that bimbo? I mean she's got a nice rack, but she has to be a slut, they always are.' Wrat twisted, glancing across the room before turning back. 'Don't see him, maybe his stupid lines finally worked. Seven hundredth time's the charm they say.'

Really, thought Jared as he confirmed Rane's disappearance. He finally got one? Hah! What a lucky ass. But as Jared's gaze returned from the corner and back, he saw Rane with the girl in tow, turning the corner to the cellar staircase. Off to fuck in the cellar? Well at least he'd have plenty of booze to sanitize his cock if she did have ample venereal disease to match her ample breasts. Still, perhaps they should crash his little party. Once they were in the act of course, maybe give it a bit.

'There he is, off to the basement.' remarked Jared. 'We should probably pay the couple a visit in a few minutes, just to make sure they are behaving.'

'A few minutes??' sputtered Isen, foam dripping down his patchy beard, 'Hell, he's probably already finished and passed out.'